losing patience and feelings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 3
losing patience and feelings
I am feeling so unappreciated. I read in so many of these messages how people give and give and are disappointed when they don't get anything back.
I watched HIM go through w/drawals for an entire weekend and as soon as there was a stressor he picked up the bottle again.. and keeps picking it up! He may not get ridiculously drunk all the time when he drinks.. but he drinks ALL the time so how could he seem drunk...???
This weekend was his bday and I through him a party.. he seemed to be pretty happy.. but he was petty and mean the next day.. even after he thanked me .. i feel like i am in love with 2 people.. dr. jeckl and mr. hyde.
I don't want dr. jeckl.
I feel like no one else wants to help him either.. his friends blow off how much he drinks because either they don't want to accept they drink as much.. or because they don't realize how much he drinks? ... AGH!
His room is cluttered with empty cans and bottles..
he SMELLS of alcohol all weekend long..
what do i do?
I watched HIM go through w/drawals for an entire weekend and as soon as there was a stressor he picked up the bottle again.. and keeps picking it up! He may not get ridiculously drunk all the time when he drinks.. but he drinks ALL the time so how could he seem drunk...???
This weekend was his bday and I through him a party.. he seemed to be pretty happy.. but he was petty and mean the next day.. even after he thanked me .. i feel like i am in love with 2 people.. dr. jeckl and mr. hyde.
I don't want dr. jeckl.
I feel like no one else wants to help him either.. his friends blow off how much he drinks because either they don't want to accept they drink as much.. or because they don't realize how much he drinks? ... AGH!
His room is cluttered with empty cans and bottles..
he SMELLS of alcohol all weekend long..
what do i do?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Lovehim and welcome.
You probably already know that there is nothing you can do to change him, but you can do things to change yourself and save your sanity. I found that by taking the energy I used to spend on my son, an addict, and refocusing on myself that I could learn to live again and be happy. I did it through a 12-step program, and although many people work the program on their own, I found going to meetings helped me build a great foundation on which to rebuild my life. If you haven't tried an Al-Anon meeting, try a few. I promise that it will help you enormously.
Only you can decide what changes are right for you, but staying the same is rarely an option.
Read the "sticky" posts at the top of the Al-Anon and Nar-anon boards and you will find lots of great ways to start.
It's great to have you here - others will come who are married to alcoholics and they can probably give you better suggestions than me.
You probably already know that there is nothing you can do to change him, but you can do things to change yourself and save your sanity. I found that by taking the energy I used to spend on my son, an addict, and refocusing on myself that I could learn to live again and be happy. I did it through a 12-step program, and although many people work the program on their own, I found going to meetings helped me build a great foundation on which to rebuild my life. If you haven't tried an Al-Anon meeting, try a few. I promise that it will help you enormously.
Only you can decide what changes are right for you, but staying the same is rarely an option.
Read the "sticky" posts at the top of the Al-Anon and Nar-anon boards and you will find lots of great ways to start.
It's great to have you here - others will come who are married to alcoholics and they can probably give you better suggestions than me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Welcome lovehim!
You have found a place where there are others that are facing some of the same things. My husband is an alcoholic, we have been married 15 years next week. The light bulb didn't go off that he had a REAL problem until about 5 years ago.
I know what ya mean about the friends. My husbands friends just seem oblivious to the fact that he has a wife and kids that he should be spending his time with instead of drinking with them! Don't look for help from them because chances are you won't get any!
I have found that coming here and realizing and accepting that the ONLY thing I have any control over is myself, has made me feel very different about my life. Coming here is a great place to start. I found the serentity prayer to be VERY helpful in the beginning.
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
We can't change them, but WE can get healthy!
Glad you found us! Constant
You have found a place where there are others that are facing some of the same things. My husband is an alcoholic, we have been married 15 years next week. The light bulb didn't go off that he had a REAL problem until about 5 years ago.
I know what ya mean about the friends. My husbands friends just seem oblivious to the fact that he has a wife and kids that he should be spending his time with instead of drinking with them! Don't look for help from them because chances are you won't get any!
I have found that coming here and realizing and accepting that the ONLY thing I have any control over is myself, has made me feel very different about my life. Coming here is a great place to start. I found the serentity prayer to be VERY helpful in the beginning.
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
We can't change them, but WE can get healthy!
Glad you found us! Constant
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 24
I know exactly what you are feeling and what you are going through....I often wonder sometimes how you can make youself happy living in a situation like this...it is sooooooooooooo hard.
Im in the same boat as you. Support is the best thing right now. It is a very hard struggle, you just have to focus on you.
Im in the same boat as you. Support is the best thing right now. It is a very hard struggle, you just have to focus on you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi lovehim and welcome!
Giving, giving, giving and never getting. Oh yeah, I've been there and done that. Then I started comparing my emotional life to my practical life. I asked myself if I would continue writing checks out of a bank account that I knew was empty. The answer was no. So why was I still writing checks out of my emotional bank account that was SERIOUSLY overdrawn? I'm not saying that life is tit for tat, and that for every good thing you do, you will get one back. But when you find yourself in a relationship where someone is always getting and never giving, it is time to balance that scale. Because never being on the receiving end of goodness can't possibly make you happy. Start with you. Be good to yourself. It sounds trite, but you really are your own best friend. Start treating yourself as well as you treat others. I think you will be amazed at how good this feels.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: NV
Posts: 6
Hi lovehim,
I am in the same boat as you. I am also in love with two people (Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde). And I also feel unapreciated. Try doing something to treat yourself. Get a manicure or take a bubble bath or just sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs. Hey, it's worth a try. We all need to escape in some way, even if it is just temporarily.
I am in the same boat as you. I am also in love with two people (Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde). And I also feel unapreciated. Try doing something to treat yourself. Get a manicure or take a bubble bath or just sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs. Hey, it's worth a try. We all need to escape in some way, even if it is just temporarily.
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