Thanks folks...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 14
Thanks folks...
Hi there..all you kind people who continue to respond to us "newbies..."
I want to say thanks to you folks who have been sober for awhile, who continue to respond to our kind of desperate posts.
I am having the struggle of my life right now. I keep on defeating myself - I am trying to hard to get sober, and I keep of letting myself give into the temptation of letting it all go away by pouring a glass of wine. I really kind of liked being sober, even though it sucked - if that makes any sense - and the fact that I've even started trying is kind of cool to me.
This is kind of embarrassing - but I "fell off the wagon," as they say, a short time after my first honest attempt at getting sober, so I couldn't really bring myself to sign on to this site. I knew that no one was going to chastise me or anything like that, but I just felt so ashamed - and I know that's so irrational! No one here knows my true identity or anything like that, but I just felt too bad about myself to face you guys.
I just signed onto this site tonight about about a week of being drunk, and it was so nice to see all of your supportive posts. I want to be part of this - I want to be on the "winning" team. I was cringing when I signed on, but it was so nice to see how great you guys are.
Thank you - I am GOING to kick this. I HATE this disease. I'm starting to think that maybe I just need to bite the bullet and go into an inpatient program for a month or 6 weeks - just to get the ball rolling on my "official" recovery. Does anyone know anything about that? I have a kind of prestigous job - and I could never tell them that I'm an alcoholic - they would all have this stigma against me. Does anyone know the laws (particularly in the State of California) about rehab? Can you go on disability for it? Can you keep it confidential from your employer?
Thanks again, you guys for being so cool. I AM going to kick this stupid, hateful, poisonous habit -- with your help.
xo,
Katie
I want to say thanks to you folks who have been sober for awhile, who continue to respond to our kind of desperate posts.
I am having the struggle of my life right now. I keep on defeating myself - I am trying to hard to get sober, and I keep of letting myself give into the temptation of letting it all go away by pouring a glass of wine. I really kind of liked being sober, even though it sucked - if that makes any sense - and the fact that I've even started trying is kind of cool to me.
This is kind of embarrassing - but I "fell off the wagon," as they say, a short time after my first honest attempt at getting sober, so I couldn't really bring myself to sign on to this site. I knew that no one was going to chastise me or anything like that, but I just felt so ashamed - and I know that's so irrational! No one here knows my true identity or anything like that, but I just felt too bad about myself to face you guys.
I just signed onto this site tonight about about a week of being drunk, and it was so nice to see all of your supportive posts. I want to be part of this - I want to be on the "winning" team. I was cringing when I signed on, but it was so nice to see how great you guys are.
Thank you - I am GOING to kick this. I HATE this disease. I'm starting to think that maybe I just need to bite the bullet and go into an inpatient program for a month or 6 weeks - just to get the ball rolling on my "official" recovery. Does anyone know anything about that? I have a kind of prestigous job - and I could never tell them that I'm an alcoholic - they would all have this stigma against me. Does anyone know the laws (particularly in the State of California) about rehab? Can you go on disability for it? Can you keep it confidential from your employer?
Thanks again, you guys for being so cool. I AM going to kick this stupid, hateful, poisonous habit -- with your help.
xo,
Katie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Dunno the California laws or medical situation re rehab (I'm a Canuck). If you opt for inpatient rehab, you might tell your co-workers that you're going to a "Wellness Spa" to regain some focus and alleviate some personal stress. That isn't a lie, right?
Falling off the wagon happens (though it doesn't HAVE TO happen...someone here rightfully pointed out to me that falling off the wagon is NOT part of recovery). It happened to me dozens, hundreds, of times. I used to say, "Quitting is easy, I do it every day."
Rather than be embarassed about relapsing, try turning that energy into a more focused plan for recovery. I am very familiar with the embarassment that can accompany relapse. I used to drink it away.
You seem strong in your resolve to deal with your addiction and you should be proud of that. It takes a helluva lot more strength to deal with a problem than ignore it.
Best of luck and I hope you'll start counting sober-days sooner rather than later! (22 days of sober bliss for me!)
Earl
Falling off the wagon happens (though it doesn't HAVE TO happen...someone here rightfully pointed out to me that falling off the wagon is NOT part of recovery). It happened to me dozens, hundreds, of times. I used to say, "Quitting is easy, I do it every day."
Rather than be embarassed about relapsing, try turning that energy into a more focused plan for recovery. I am very familiar with the embarassment that can accompany relapse. I used to drink it away.
You seem strong in your resolve to deal with your addiction and you should be proud of that. It takes a helluva lot more strength to deal with a problem than ignore it.
Best of luck and I hope you'll start counting sober-days sooner rather than later! (22 days of sober bliss for me!)
Earl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Hope this helps..
Hi Katie,
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of answers here. A year ago (when I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired) I entered a 28 day rehab. I told my boss I was an alcoholic ,I needed to save my life, I needed to get well to be a solid employee, and I would be taking a months vacation. I thought about trying to BS my way through this, like so many times before during my drunken days. But I decided to take charge and get well, I thought for sure I would lose my job.
BUT I DIDN"T , He actually understood (surprise) .....
I put in a lot of hard work in rehab. and doing well right now. I believe those 28 days were just what I needed to get me off my A**. I, m still at my job (not sure if I'm any better at it ) and staying away from that 1st drink.
Some big companies will help send their employees to rehab if you ask for it . Alcoholism is a disease, chronic & progressive .. more and more employers are starting to help and understand..
Work Hard it Pays Off ... NED
I think you can claim this as a temp. disability.
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of answers here. A year ago (when I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired) I entered a 28 day rehab. I told my boss I was an alcoholic ,I needed to save my life, I needed to get well to be a solid employee, and I would be taking a months vacation. I thought about trying to BS my way through this, like so many times before during my drunken days. But I decided to take charge and get well, I thought for sure I would lose my job.
BUT I DIDN"T , He actually understood (surprise) .....
I put in a lot of hard work in rehab. and doing well right now. I believe those 28 days were just what I needed to get me off my A**. I, m still at my job (not sure if I'm any better at it ) and staying away from that 1st drink.
Some big companies will help send their employees to rehab if you ask for it . Alcoholism is a disease, chronic & progressive .. more and more employers are starting to help and understand..
Work Hard it Pays Off ... NED
I think you can claim this as a temp. disability.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Originally Posted by CarolD 
Glad to see you are trying again!
Are you using a recovery program
for support?
I consider AA meetings
classrooms for sobriety.
Take care
Are you using a recovery program
for support?
I consider AA meetings
classrooms for sobriety.
Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 14
You guys are awesome. I wish that kicking this habit wasn't so damn hard. I seem to be able to give decent advice to others, (do you guys agree to my response to rugbyguy79 about the superbowl party?) but I can't seem to get sober myself.
Is this all part of the process? A long to road to thinking that you can moderate and then realizing that it's almost 5am and you are still up drinking by yourself again? Apparently someone needs to beat me in the head with a bat over this reality!
Like I said the other night, I think that the only really hope for me is inpatient recovery for the first month. I don't have the self discipline to drag my butt to AA every night on my own. When things start getting too desperate, I say to myself, "what the hell," and I pour myself some wine, and I have gotten so drunk in the last two weeks that I have pucked twice from hangovers. Ew!! I hate that!! I need to rid myself of that!!
I called this one rehab center in Northern California that looks pretty good - it's called Mountain Vista Farms. The problem is, it is $7800 for a 28 day in patient treatment program. I have Kaiser heath insurance - I don't think that they pay for it. I think that Kaiser has some really lame, once a week program, where you go talk about your addiction - it's completely out of the realm of what I really need.
I don't have $7800. I don't know how I could pay for that. I could ask my mom for the money, but I don't want to tell her upfront that I am going to go into addiction treatment. I suppose that once I got healthy, that I could tell her, but right now, I don't want the pressure of worrying about failing...and telling her that I failed. I want to go into this without pressure. My fiance is way more laid back than my mom. But, he doesn't have $7800 either.
Do any of you have any advice on ways to pay for treatment? I am sure that lots of people have been able to figure out ways to make this happen - who didn't have an instant $7800 at their disposal. Any advice would be greatly appreciate.
By the way -- I can't wait until I am sober!!!!!!!!!!! The thought of it is so wonderful.
-Katie
Is this all part of the process? A long to road to thinking that you can moderate and then realizing that it's almost 5am and you are still up drinking by yourself again? Apparently someone needs to beat me in the head with a bat over this reality!
Like I said the other night, I think that the only really hope for me is inpatient recovery for the first month. I don't have the self discipline to drag my butt to AA every night on my own. When things start getting too desperate, I say to myself, "what the hell," and I pour myself some wine, and I have gotten so drunk in the last two weeks that I have pucked twice from hangovers. Ew!! I hate that!! I need to rid myself of that!!
I called this one rehab center in Northern California that looks pretty good - it's called Mountain Vista Farms. The problem is, it is $7800 for a 28 day in patient treatment program. I have Kaiser heath insurance - I don't think that they pay for it. I think that Kaiser has some really lame, once a week program, where you go talk about your addiction - it's completely out of the realm of what I really need.
I don't have $7800. I don't know how I could pay for that. I could ask my mom for the money, but I don't want to tell her upfront that I am going to go into addiction treatment. I suppose that once I got healthy, that I could tell her, but right now, I don't want the pressure of worrying about failing...and telling her that I failed. I want to go into this without pressure. My fiance is way more laid back than my mom. But, he doesn't have $7800 either.
Do any of you have any advice on ways to pay for treatment? I am sure that lots of people have been able to figure out ways to make this happen - who didn't have an instant $7800 at their disposal. Any advice would be greatly appreciate.
By the way -- I can't wait until I am sober!!!!!!!!!!! The thought of it is so wonderful.
-Katie
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
katie, around theese parts, the salvation army has a "FREE" program... its real good... i have a friend, my drinking right arm bud... he tried it... its now five years later... he is clean and sober... and working full time as a counselor, wit h good pay, and benifits ta-boot!...
katie... one hitch, you have to commit to three months with them... sounds like a 90/90 to me... you asked, i yap'd... again katie, good wishes to you...
xxoo, rz
katie... one hitch, you have to commit to three months with them... sounds like a 90/90 to me... you asked, i yap'd... again katie, good wishes to you...
xxoo, rz
Today
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 20
Katie, this may sound silly - but. Have you thought about taking all of the money you have been spending on wine/alcohol and putting it into a "Rehab Account". That could also work as a goal until the money is saved and you can get in the rehab.
I know I just added up what I spend on chardonnay and it is probably $750 a month and that doesn't include the occasional 12 pack of beer.
Just a thought
I know I just added up what I spend on chardonnay and it is probably $750 a month and that doesn't include the occasional 12 pack of beer.
Just a thought
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