The BreakUp
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 1
The BreakUp
The BreakUp
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Please bear with me....
I will go introduce myself and tell you about my story ----- but first I felt it important to post this letter written the first week JohnnyGrit spent in rehab.
Dear Crystal,
I can still remember the first time we met. I was in a desperate place, I was alone, crying out for attention and affection when came to my place.
I saw you as an exotic, as a breath of fresh air. I felt a surge of excitement as I first tasted your kiss. I drew in your breath deep into my heart. It was love. I felt as though we would last forever.
Being with you allowed me to easily forget my wrong doings, forget my failures. You gave me youth. You encouraged me to feel like I meant something. Your energy gave me self-worth, self-esteem, and a feeling of Power. You made me believe in my sideways dreams of a life after love.
See, before you came into my life, I had been so deeply involved and I let that girl slip through my fingers, so I fell into a coke/crack habit, one to which you saved me from. I was no longer shamed, or ugly, or weak. You gifted me with a way to release my depression, deeper and deeper, I feel in love with you, Crystal.
I got so lost in you, I never seen what I was becoming, it is only now as I look back at our relationship; I see how toxic you were to me. And, only now, do I see how much you deceived me.
I look back to see as much as you would tell me I was attractive, I could never look at myself in the mirror. As much power as you told me I had, I never looked another person in the eyes. For years, for as many friends as you told me we had, I couldn’t trust in anyone you ever brought home.
You would lie to me about our money, our home, our lives, but I was so drunk on your taste, I turned a blind eye.
I never saw that you made me turn a cold shoulder to my family. I hadn’t realized I chose our love affair over my children, my parents, and my entire family. I never knew that since the day we met, my poor mother cried herself to sleep most nights, cursing the evil that had stolen her oldest son from the family portraits. I didn’t hear the cries of my children when they would get scared at night and search the darkness of their room for Daddy. You had me so drawn into your depths I had forgotten I even had children.
I was so in love with you, I wanted to be you, and so, I put you into my skin, into my blood. Now we would be together forever, even if I died I would take you with me. Somehow, someway, I became a prisoner. Slowly, because of my need for you love, I lost my freedom, my morals, my being.
Now I say to you, I am taking me back. You can no longer keep Kurt. He’s mine.
Oh, I know your type, now that you can no longer have me, you will move on. You will find another hurting soul to prey on. You will succeed in tearing some other life apart. You may even kill the next one you take. I’m glad my love for you was enough to keep you from killing me.
I would miss you but, I can’t. Not after finding out the damage you’ve helped me create in my life.
I talk to God daily and I ask him to keep you far away. I don’t want to bump into you on the street or in the 7-11. God tells me I will be given the strength to overcome your love, and so far he has been true. I don’t miss you. I don’t want you. I don’t need you. I don’t love you anymore.
You don’t love me, and for that, I hate you. My kids hate you. My mom and dad hate you. So, do us all a favor…don’t call, don’t write and if you see me coming down the street, turn. Turn around and walk away. Pretend you don’t remember me, ‘cuz I’m gonna pretend I’ve never known you.
K.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please bear with me....
I will go introduce myself and tell you about my story ----- but first I felt it important to post this letter written the first week JohnnyGrit spent in rehab.
Dear Crystal,
I can still remember the first time we met. I was in a desperate place, I was alone, crying out for attention and affection when came to my place.
I saw you as an exotic, as a breath of fresh air. I felt a surge of excitement as I first tasted your kiss. I drew in your breath deep into my heart. It was love. I felt as though we would last forever.
Being with you allowed me to easily forget my wrong doings, forget my failures. You gave me youth. You encouraged me to feel like I meant something. Your energy gave me self-worth, self-esteem, and a feeling of Power. You made me believe in my sideways dreams of a life after love.
See, before you came into my life, I had been so deeply involved and I let that girl slip through my fingers, so I fell into a coke/crack habit, one to which you saved me from. I was no longer shamed, or ugly, or weak. You gifted me with a way to release my depression, deeper and deeper, I feel in love with you, Crystal.
I got so lost in you, I never seen what I was becoming, it is only now as I look back at our relationship; I see how toxic you were to me. And, only now, do I see how much you deceived me.
I look back to see as much as you would tell me I was attractive, I could never look at myself in the mirror. As much power as you told me I had, I never looked another person in the eyes. For years, for as many friends as you told me we had, I couldn’t trust in anyone you ever brought home.
You would lie to me about our money, our home, our lives, but I was so drunk on your taste, I turned a blind eye.
I never saw that you made me turn a cold shoulder to my family. I hadn’t realized I chose our love affair over my children, my parents, and my entire family. I never knew that since the day we met, my poor mother cried herself to sleep most nights, cursing the evil that had stolen her oldest son from the family portraits. I didn’t hear the cries of my children when they would get scared at night and search the darkness of their room for Daddy. You had me so drawn into your depths I had forgotten I even had children.
I was so in love with you, I wanted to be you, and so, I put you into my skin, into my blood. Now we would be together forever, even if I died I would take you with me. Somehow, someway, I became a prisoner. Slowly, because of my need for you love, I lost my freedom, my morals, my being.
Now I say to you, I am taking me back. You can no longer keep Kurt. He’s mine.
Oh, I know your type, now that you can no longer have me, you will move on. You will find another hurting soul to prey on. You will succeed in tearing some other life apart. You may even kill the next one you take. I’m glad my love for you was enough to keep you from killing me.
I would miss you but, I can’t. Not after finding out the damage you’ve helped me create in my life.
I talk to God daily and I ask him to keep you far away. I don’t want to bump into you on the street or in the 7-11. God tells me I will be given the strength to overcome your love, and so far he has been true. I don’t miss you. I don’t want you. I don’t need you. I don’t love you anymore.
You don’t love me, and for that, I hate you. My kids hate you. My mom and dad hate you. So, do us all a favor…don’t call, don’t write and if you see me coming down the street, turn. Turn around and walk away. Pretend you don’t remember me, ‘cuz I’m gonna pretend I’ve never known you.
K.
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