dayxday

Well I have posted a number of times, plans to stick it out with T, he was seeking help and I believed that things would change as he recovered.

Today he still isn’t drinking, who knows about tomorrow. Things started going sour last weekend. He doesn’t understand my feelings, the hurt I have felt and the lack of trust. He doesn’t understand my insistence that I don’t want to be around his family, he doesn’t understand the nightmares I have from what I have been through. He wants me to be who I was before – that person who used to live inside me left along time ago. Just as the man I married no longer stands in front of me.

I noticed last weekend that he spoke of AA in a way that sounded like he didn’t’ like it and was going to stop going. I asked what he meant by his words and he told me the truth – he doesn’t like it and doesn’t think he needs it. Then two days ago he told me that we need to end our marriage. He reasoning is that the nightmares will stop, my feelings of the unknown will no longer be present and that in the end I will be a much happier person.

I am sure that all of this is true…time heals all wounds, but just when I was ready to jump ship, he voluntarily went into treatment and begged me to reconsider, to give him a chance to prove that he could turn himself around.

I stood by him, let him come home and tried to work things out. It hurts me terribly to know that when he reached out and needed me I was there and now he has decided that it just isn’t working out to his liking. I’m not the kind of person he wants to be married to.

I let him come home but left the legal separation or the restraining order I filed against him in place. He says he doesn’t have to leave because I let him come back so the restraining order is no longer valid. Not sure if that is true or not, I’ll have to find out.

Another family destroyed by the affects of alcoholism.

cave5552000

behold, a gathering of angels to guide your hand to the message.........this forum,this website , alanon and information well help you to understand there is nothing you can do for him but a lot you can do for you. You are a woman with a good soul and a kind heart Treat yourself to these qualities because you are the most important

Nuudawn

It would be my best guess that you're husband sought treatment because he was losing you and knew it would make you stay. He did not seek treatment because he truly believed he needed it. He was doing it to make you stay...and now, because of that reasoning, he is blaming you. He is not ready to quit drinking yet....you have to be ready and willing to do the work for yourself or no magic happens...just bitterness and resentment towards who you can blame for the discomfort and awkwardness that is a new life without our favourite coping mechanism. I'm only about 54 days sober myself. And this is hard, hard work ...and the only thing that keeps me sober is the fact I truly want to be sober for me and my life.

embraced2000

day....i'm so sorry, sweetie. who knows what goes on in their heads? i always felt like it was a no win situation with my xh. very confusing.

my hubs got like this when he was itching to drink. resentful, high-steppin cockiness, holier-than-thou attitude straight from the depths of hell.

(((((((day)))))))

love to you
jeri

harleygirl92156

I don't know where you live, but this is not true where I am from. In fact, when the restraining order was put in place against my husband, I was warned that I could not violate it either and if I did I could go to jail. Here if you put a restraining order in place against someone YOU CAN NOT VIOLATE IT EITHER. If you lived here, and you let him come home with a restraining order in place you would BOTH be in violation and face criminal charges. So just want to say make sure you know the law in your state, town or county before you involve the law in anything with him. Tread lightly and be very careful, you could be in violation as much as him.
I know a restraining order does not just go away because you allow him to come home. It can only be removed by a judge here and until that is done, it is valid.
Good luck

StandingStrong

"Say what you mean and mean what you say". This is one of the many things that I've learned over the years. OUR actions speak just as loudly as the A's in our lives.

I don't know what is going on in your AH's head, though I'm guessing that was said above is true. He was looking for treatment as he thought it would hold onto you and get him out of trouble. Now, he's probably itching to go out and have a drink. In knowing that, he knows you're going to be upset but he also knows how he feels inside about it. He probably knows he has a problem but he's just not ready to deal with it. Instead of dealing with the problem and hearing about it later from you - he knows that it is going to hurt you - so he's wanting to just break it off.

Remember - addiction has nothing to do with how much or how little someone loves us. They do what they do because they are addicts.