4LeafClover

But I can't stop myself from talking to him. And I can't stop myself from thinking about meeting him. I know I shouldn't. I know my friends and family would disapprove. But it's like I can't stop myself. I just want to touch him, and smell him. I know I would feel better, but at the same time, it still wouldn't stop everything I went to court to put into motion. I just feel like my life, which used to be sane, got flipped upside down, and nothing will ever be right again.

Nuudawn

I am an alcoholic with only 53 days sober. My ex who I split with just before throwing down the bottle and hitting AA is also alcoholic/addict.
I just came home from AA meeting and while I was sitting there I realized that my addiction to my ex is stronger somehow than my addiction to alcohol. Since our split and my quitting drinking...it is the absence of him not alcohol that is giving me the most grief (and I was alcoholic long before he came into my life). I saw him last week after like 5 weeks of not seeing him and it threw me about 20 steps back. At first I was lost in this glossy reverie about reconciliation (thinking he would quit drinking too)...then I obessed about him constantly for like 5 days until I could no longer stand it and he was cold and aloof (contrary to his warm and loving attitude last week) and well I got snapped out of my glossy reverie. Now I'm crying all over again and dealing with anger all over again...and well, here I go...now vowing to not see him or talk to him anymore. It's too hard to get over by doing that. I need no contact whatsoever cuz this man is no good to himself and no good to me..not while still lost in drugs and alcohol.

So I feel for you...as I said I've been a drunk for many years yet my addiction to a man I've known less that a year and a half is my greater crutch...and as equally dangerous to my mental health as alcohol.

lillian

i don't think you should worry about what you should feel-- you feel how you feel. i think it's easier if you allow yourself to feel the pain than add to it by thinking you "shouldn't" feel sad--it's a sad thing, it sounds like, so feeling sad might be the healthy response. i think we get so used to repressing our real feelings for fear of what others think/how they will respond to us-- at least i know i have-- it's strange to feel, but feeling is normal. anyway what do i know- i'm at the beginning of all of this, too. good luck to you-

BigGirlPanties

addiction to the alcoholic is torture.

We we finally admit that WE too are addicted, thats when the miracle of recovery begins.

Get 12 steps in alanon, and you will get help and hope.

denny57

Feelings and actions are two different things. You CAN stop yourself from talking to him. You CAN choose to stop obsessing over him. Right now, you CHOOSE not to. Only you know what you are getting out of that. I only knew what I was getting out of it when I did it.

Take care. ((()))

4LeafClover

Besides dealing with him, and my feelings for him, I am having to deal with my mother. She loves me I know, but when I told her I would rather not spend my days at the courthouse talking to detectives, she got upset. According to her, it's because I'm feeling sorry for him. She went on to say that she doesn't trust me anymore because of these past two years that I have spent with him, hiding his addictions. It's the last thing I need right now. I don't want to press charges, I want to get on with my life. I don't want to have to worry about court dates and paperwork. I already have enough on my mind. I just don't know what to do about my mom because I am already barely hanging on to my sanity. Is there anything that I could say to her that would make her realize I don't need the criticism and lectures, I just need support?

denny57

I am learning I don't get to dictate the support I get. Or anything else, really LOL.

Not wanting to file charges, worry about court dates and paperwork, etc. can be avoiding responsibility and being a grown up. It comes with the territory. I don't much like it, either, but I have to do it. It's called life.

I was shocked that once I started facing things head on, instead of avoiding them, my sanity returned.

Good luck.