Pirate

Hello all, This is my first post here. I guess I should give a short introduction. I am 26 and started drinking when I was about 15 or so. I was never a daily drinker, but would do my share of binging. High school parties on weekends and then to a couple more nights a week in college. I never got hangovers until I was in my 20's. I had an alcohol related arrest when I was 16, and a DUI when I was 21. I never lost a job or friendship with regards to alcohol, however. Benders would come and go, usually on weekends, with the ocasional midweek happy hour that lasted until 1 am. I think in my entire profesional career, I called in sick twice with the bottle flu. And I never saw it as a problem. I had to take classes with my DUI, (more so than most first time offenders as my BAC was .218) But none of it sank in because I was "forced" to go by the court. Well, recently I lost the most important thing in my life. I was dating a woman for about 3 years, and she had finally had enough. She told me 3 weeks ago that she was done. She was tired of dealing with me, and my ways. She was tired of "taking care of me" and that she was off to find what made her happy. I was devestated, for I was going to ask her to marry me in another month or two. (just waiting for the right time/place) So, needless to say, I took a LONG look in the mirror. I cried alot. And I made a decision. I went to my first AA meeting. I was SO scared. I guess it was the fear of the unknown. I had been to classes before, but I was there with everyone else who didn't want to be there. They had the same resentment that I did. It was all a joke to everyone in that room. But when I sat down in the room full of people who recognized their problems, it was a totally different experiance. They changed the format of the meeting to a "first timer" - I think that's what they called it - And as I listened to everyone's story, they told me all about my life, without even knowing me or who I was. It was incredible! I was hearing first had accounts of things that I had experianced in my own life! I got my big book, and went home to read up and find out what all this alcoholic stuff was all about. I had already made a decision to quit drinking, so that wasn't an issue but I was interested in the illness from a scientific standpoint. I wrote my parents a letter the next day explaining what I had done. (knowing full well, that I wouldn't be able to speak to them on the phone and make any sense between sobs and complete meltdowns) I called my ex that night and told her what I had done, (for some reassurance I guess, I didn't really know what I was doing or if it was right) She told me that she was proud of me, but she was done with my life, and I would have to find someone else to confide in. That hurt more than anything. So, I picked up my pride off the floor and hunkered down to embark on this journey.

That first night was the only meeting I have attended so far. I'm not saying that I won't go back... But I haven't felt any urges or desires to drink since. I have beer in my fridge and have plenty of access to other alcohol. I have even been in bar situations to listen to live music or just play darts without feeling the need or want to pick up a drink. I drank 7-up and was fine with that. From talking to people, and from my own intelligence, I can say that I understand that this is new to me, and it will probably fade in time. (the desire to not drink) And I'm sure that I will fall on my face again without more meetings etc, but it raises a point. Hence the part of the thread title... 22 days but confused. I started thinking about the situation. And the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse. Can someone RE-learn to treat alcohol in the correct way? Can someone learn to have control? Saying that maybe they are not an alcoholic? I know that every situation is different, and I'm for sure not looking for an excuse to drink. But I was just curious. Where is the line drawn? And how can you tell if you have a disease or just a lack of control or disciplne?

scootinbabe

welcome to sr! i don't have any good answers for you except that time will tell. keep coming back. there's lots of wisdom and support here.


ps. i also can't just drink one drink and know what's going to happen. i'm an alcoholic too.

leviathon

Easy enough for me, I don't drink normally, never have. One drink and I want to drink until the world goes black. That's it. No in between. Its either all or nothing. No in between.

I am alcoholic.

Peace, Levi

CarolD

Here is my suggestion...find info on the disease of alcoholism.

My favorite resource on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon.

We also have excerpts from "Under"
Please click
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Take care...keep posting...ask questions
Welcome to SR!

parentrecovers

welcome, pirate - i have a daughter who is 120 days sober. she knows that she cannot limit or control her drinking, she tried in the past and failed. she made the decision to stay 100% away from alcohol. we're also in the chicagoland area - lots of aa meetings to choose from. she goes daily, and it really helps her. and keep posting!

blessings, and good luck in your recovery - k

Wharf Rat

I suggest getting the Big Book (AA's book for a design of recovery)...

The book will offer examples of problem drinking vs. hard drinking, information about alcoholism, and recovery tools if you decide that you are an alcoholic.

For me, to drink like "normal" people is just fooling myself. I am never content when I have to control my drinking, and when I decide to drink how I want to there is never control.