new and trying to get better (long)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 2
new and trying to get better (long)
hi everyone,
i'm an alcoholic and a cocaine addict, and have been using both on and off for more than 20 years. it's been difficult, and i'm not sure how i've managed to get by.
i spent a few months in outpatient recovery a couple of years ago, and it was very helpful. my life and coping skills improved in many ways. though i'm surely in trouble now, i'm a lot better off than i could have been. i managed to stay sober for a year.
but i found myself with time on my hands after getting let go from a job. and i started drinking again. i found that i couldn't drink without doing coke. i held back, sobered up for a few months, but went right back. lately i've been drinking and doing coke weekly or bi-weekly. if i don't drink, i don't use coke.
it's such a frustrating, futile cycle, and i'm often saddened by it. the guilt, the anger, the disappointment - i'm sure you all know. but i can't stop it. every time i go out to drink, i convince myself that this time it will be different, but it almost never is.
one of the forces that moved me back into using was the fact that i really missed the life. being sober was very good, had a lot of benefits; but it still couldn't replace the feeling of being out drinking and using coke. i felt like my sobriety was an affliction. and that feeling is still with me - a lot of me doesn't want to quit at all.
but i have to. the using life really sucks. i need to summon up the courage to take the next step. but i'm afraid of failing, of losing the few people in my life that i have, of changing, of commitment to sobriety.
you all are such a tremendous group, and i'm so glad i found you. i really appreciate anything you want to tell me that you think will make me better. thanks for your insight and support.
can i do this? can i give up really the only life i've known? i don't know. and i'm frightened.
thanks and peace to you all
i'm an alcoholic and a cocaine addict, and have been using both on and off for more than 20 years. it's been difficult, and i'm not sure how i've managed to get by.
i spent a few months in outpatient recovery a couple of years ago, and it was very helpful. my life and coping skills improved in many ways. though i'm surely in trouble now, i'm a lot better off than i could have been. i managed to stay sober for a year.
but i found myself with time on my hands after getting let go from a job. and i started drinking again. i found that i couldn't drink without doing coke. i held back, sobered up for a few months, but went right back. lately i've been drinking and doing coke weekly or bi-weekly. if i don't drink, i don't use coke.
it's such a frustrating, futile cycle, and i'm often saddened by it. the guilt, the anger, the disappointment - i'm sure you all know. but i can't stop it. every time i go out to drink, i convince myself that this time it will be different, but it almost never is.
one of the forces that moved me back into using was the fact that i really missed the life. being sober was very good, had a lot of benefits; but it still couldn't replace the feeling of being out drinking and using coke. i felt like my sobriety was an affliction. and that feeling is still with me - a lot of me doesn't want to quit at all.
but i have to. the using life really sucks. i need to summon up the courage to take the next step. but i'm afraid of failing, of losing the few people in my life that i have, of changing, of commitment to sobriety.
you all are such a tremendous group, and i'm so glad i found you. i really appreciate anything you want to tell me that you think will make me better. thanks for your insight and support.
can i do this? can i give up really the only life i've known? i don't know. and i'm frightened.
thanks and peace to you all
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and I am glad you found us.
What I know is that stopping drinking was only the beginning of the journey for me. At that time, I had to do look at myself and begin to do a lot of work on myself. I still work at it, every day, physically, spiritually and emotionally. It takes more than stopping using/drinking. It often takes major changes in lifestyle, friends, etc. I couldn't have imagined life without alcohol when I was drinking. But for me, the benefits have been wonderful.
It sounds to me like you are not quite ready to make the commitment and the hard choices involved in sobriety. It's hard to do and you really need to want to do it. I hope if you read around the forums, you will become motivated to join us.
What I know is that stopping drinking was only the beginning of the journey for me. At that time, I had to do look at myself and begin to do a lot of work on myself. I still work at it, every day, physically, spiritually and emotionally. It takes more than stopping using/drinking. It often takes major changes in lifestyle, friends, etc. I couldn't have imagined life without alcohol when I was drinking. But for me, the benefits have been wonderful.
It sounds to me like you are not quite ready to make the commitment and the hard choices involved in sobriety. It's hard to do and you really need to want to do it. I hope if you read around the forums, you will become motivated to join us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 2
thanks for your insights - they help
hi 51anna,
you're absolutely right - i'm very afraid of making that commitment. i tried making it before and i failed. and when i think of how much i need to do to get better, it's overwhelming. but i also hate the way i live now, though i can't see any other way at the moment.
the posts here are helping and encouraging me. Because of my long history of addiction, i've decided to talk to a psychiatrist and a therapist as a way to get started. does that help people, or should i just move straight into the meetings?
many thanks
you're absolutely right - i'm very afraid of making that commitment. i tried making it before and i failed. and when i think of how much i need to do to get better, it's overwhelming. but i also hate the way i live now, though i can't see any other way at the moment.
the posts here are helping and encouraging me. Because of my long history of addiction, i've decided to talk to a psychiatrist and a therapist as a way to get started. does that help people, or should i just move straight into the meetings?
many thanks
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to SR!
Please read this link for interesting info
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take Care
Please read this link for interesting info
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take Care
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MAINE USA
Posts: 312
Do all the above. Seek help from all evrywhere. Keep posting. Have you been jailed Yet from your addictions? Lost jobs or family, Yet. It will come!
Save yourself a lot of trouble and start now with not drinking and useing.
Keep posting learningtolive.
Save yourself a lot of trouble and start now with not drinking and useing.
Keep posting learningtolive.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi learningtolive, I'll qoute you-------"can i do this? can i give up really the only life i've known? i don't know. and i'm frightened."
answer to that is YES! if you think you can, if you want to, and if you are willing to take it one day at a time...........
You said by looking at the whole picture you get over whelmed....Don't look at the whole picture........Just today, or this minute, hour.
I know you can do it.........Keep comming back learning to live.
answer to that is YES! if you think you can, if you want to, and if you are willing to take it one day at a time...........
You said by looking at the whole picture you get over whelmed....Don't look at the whole picture........Just today, or this minute, hour.
I know you can do it.........Keep comming back learning to live.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Hope3 is exactly correct when saying "Don't look at the whole picture . . just today. . ."
I told a friend that I was planning to stop drinking (a difficult step) and her response was exactly as yours, "How can you think of not drinking for the rest of your life??"
For me at least, it's a moving target. I can't think of that right now. All I am concentrating on is the first step. Once I am successfull at that, I will approach the next step. I am convinced that sobriety is the only way for me!
TinLizzy
I told a friend that I was planning to stop drinking (a difficult step) and her response was exactly as yours, "How can you think of not drinking for the rest of your life??"
For me at least, it's a moving target. I can't think of that right now. All I am concentrating on is the first step. Once I am successfull at that, I will approach the next step. I am convinced that sobriety is the only way for me!
TinLizzy
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