Going it alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 4
Going it alone
I am a new member and I am happy to be here.
I have used for 23 years and each time I tried to quit I failed and eventually continued to use. This is my first attempt at reaching out to others. I want to quit for many reasons but mainly I want my life back. I want to feel somewhat myself and not altered or coming down from some high. For many years I have thought that my heavy use was connected to my mental health or rather lack of it. My depression and sad moods and my attempt at isolating myself from others and using to alleviate my moods and take away negative feelings about myself (masking not taking away).
In the last few years I have been using less and less and I bless my relationship and the sense that I have to give of myself to others of the pain I feel inside as the motivation to try and get my life together.
I work with adolescents in a locked facility. Kids that society has given up on but these kids were not in a locked prison. It is a residential treatment facility which like many other social service organization was chronically underfunded and poorly run. What was important was just working directly with the kids. These kids struggled with anger, drug histories, alcohol fetal syndrome, autism, schiziophrenia, bi-polar. They were not these diseases but young adults attempting to make that difficult transition from adolescent to adult with the added burden of behavioral, emotional, psychological problems, and sexual abuse.
I became involved in psychology for the main reason people due to help understand themselves. Once in a while though you get the honor of helping others understand themselves.
I have performed over 800 physical restraints been injuried dozens of times including breaking my tabia and fibula. But my focus was not on physically containing anger and self harming behavior but on connecting with the youth about what was going on. Reaching an agreement that we both understand each other as human beings. Communication can be through staying with someone, telling jokes and stories, recounting difficult experiences in your life (if they are not too personal) or handling their basic safety needs, cutting clothes from around their necks, grabbing their hand as they are cutting themselves. By being with kids being yourself identifying with their struggle as their struggle is the same as every adults. To understand themselves, to fight sadness and depression and to find some place to be in this life.
For every restraint I had to perform for safety sake I can recount 30 times I was able to cajole, talk to, agree with, argue with, and talk them out of poor or desperate choices. When everything else fails there is always the dancing monkey. You would be surprised how often this worked.
My personal life is opposite to my public life. I am isolated. I do not connect with friends much. I have always isolated myself and dealt with my own stormy moods and feelings by using. Now I need the help that I have been able to give to others. I need the metaphorical physical restraint or verbal de-escalation when I reach for my drug of choice.
Currently I am in therapy and am attending local NA meetings. I am trying to attend to my self in a positive instead of a narcissistic way.
Within the year I have lost my fiance. I am trying to reach out to heal the many lost chances and moments in life I could have had or enjoyed more if I wasn't high but more important I'm trying to get straight for myself and my creator.
I have used for 23 years and each time I tried to quit I failed and eventually continued to use. This is my first attempt at reaching out to others. I want to quit for many reasons but mainly I want my life back. I want to feel somewhat myself and not altered or coming down from some high. For many years I have thought that my heavy use was connected to my mental health or rather lack of it. My depression and sad moods and my attempt at isolating myself from others and using to alleviate my moods and take away negative feelings about myself (masking not taking away).
In the last few years I have been using less and less and I bless my relationship and the sense that I have to give of myself to others of the pain I feel inside as the motivation to try and get my life together.
I work with adolescents in a locked facility. Kids that society has given up on but these kids were not in a locked prison. It is a residential treatment facility which like many other social service organization was chronically underfunded and poorly run. What was important was just working directly with the kids. These kids struggled with anger, drug histories, alcohol fetal syndrome, autism, schiziophrenia, bi-polar. They were not these diseases but young adults attempting to make that difficult transition from adolescent to adult with the added burden of behavioral, emotional, psychological problems, and sexual abuse.
I became involved in psychology for the main reason people due to help understand themselves. Once in a while though you get the honor of helping others understand themselves.
I have performed over 800 physical restraints been injuried dozens of times including breaking my tabia and fibula. But my focus was not on physically containing anger and self harming behavior but on connecting with the youth about what was going on. Reaching an agreement that we both understand each other as human beings. Communication can be through staying with someone, telling jokes and stories, recounting difficult experiences in your life (if they are not too personal) or handling their basic safety needs, cutting clothes from around their necks, grabbing their hand as they are cutting themselves. By being with kids being yourself identifying with their struggle as their struggle is the same as every adults. To understand themselves, to fight sadness and depression and to find some place to be in this life.
For every restraint I had to perform for safety sake I can recount 30 times I was able to cajole, talk to, agree with, argue with, and talk them out of poor or desperate choices. When everything else fails there is always the dancing monkey. You would be surprised how often this worked.
My personal life is opposite to my public life. I am isolated. I do not connect with friends much. I have always isolated myself and dealt with my own stormy moods and feelings by using. Now I need the help that I have been able to give to others. I need the metaphorical physical restraint or verbal de-escalation when I reach for my drug of choice.
Currently I am in therapy and am attending local NA meetings. I am trying to attend to my self in a positive instead of a narcissistic way.
Within the year I have lost my fiance. I am trying to reach out to heal the many lost chances and moments in life I could have had or enjoyed more if I wasn't high but more important I'm trying to get straight for myself and my creator.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 4
Thank you everyone. I am at the beginning of a long trip but I am looking forward to the ups and downs as long as I have people there with me I know it will be okay. What I am not able to handle I will let God deal with. Thanks again for the welcome. Eric.
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