Messy

Last night, I admitted to two very close friends that I am an alcoholic. I then told an online community that I belong to. Today, I will tell my family.

I am a 30 year old single mother of two, living with what I know is a pretty heavy depression. Of the last 6 months, I have spent maybe 30 days alcohol free. When I was drunk, I felt things and could cry. When I am sober, I'm just angry. When I couldn't make myself go for two days in a row with no booze, I realized that I have a problem.

I don't scream, neglect, drive or pass out. I haven't had a huge life-changing event occur because of my drinking. I drink alone, every night after my children go to bed. And I am ashamed of it.

Today is officially my first day sober. I plan on attending a local AA meeting on Saturday and I hope that I can find support in my community that does not push religion.

Thanks to all who have posted here with their stories. I'm glad to be here.

newday117

Hi Messy- I wish you all the best. I can totally relate to the drinking alone, shame, and frustration with not being able to go for a freakin day or two without a drink. It repulsed me, and led me to my first AA meeting. This is my 9th day alcohol free and I am feeling like a new person. REading the posts on this site is helping me so much, and attending the meetings daily and doing my reading... its all really good stuff. My prayers are with you and everyone here as we journey down the road to recovery. One Day At A Time.
I hope you have a good weekend.

parentrecovers

Congratulations, Messy, and welcome. Sounds like you are putting together a great support group and taking great first steps in your recovery. Your kids are lucky to have such a loving mom. Keep posting and meanwhile, sending blessings and encouragement. K

Anna

Hi Messy,

Welcome! You will find lots of support here for your decision to stop drinking. I am glad you found us.

I deal with depression too. Did your depression begin as a result of drinking? If so, there is a good chance it will disappear as your sobriety begins. If you were depressed and then began drinking in an attempt to deal with the depression (as I did) it might be a good idea to talk to your dr. There are great medications to help.

Tazman53

WOW!!!! You 2 have made my heart soar! I have 130 days sober now after drinking for 40 years, I started of drinking socially which then progressed rather quickly to daily drinking social and where ever I happened to be. Well things started going down hill and I was drinking and driving on a daily basis and sitting in my garage alone because I didn't want to hear the grief from my family.

I spent 10 years trying to quit of my own power and others plans for quitting on your own. Every time I got even a day or 2 sober I became the most miserable SOB that ever walked the face of the earth. Right before I quit I surrendered to alcohol, I quit trying to fight what I could not beat.

Soon after my surrender to alcohol the caca hit the fan and I faced keep on drinking, losing my family resulting in me drinking my self to a slow death or stopping. Well I knew I could not quit on my own at that point, my butt was whipped but good, I knew I needed help but had no idea what. I put myself into detox where I learned that if I wanted to stay sober I needed to go to AA, get a sponsor & go to at least 90 meetings in 90 days. Well I was finally sober for the first time in I have no real idea and I knew I wanted & needed to stay that way so "I followed directions".

Today is # 130 for me, I am happier then I have been in 30+ years, I am sober and the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me.

For me AA was the way! It saved my life.

Just remember all you have to do is follow directions, AA works if you work it!

Being honest with myself and open minded was very important, AA is a "Suggested" program, if you follow the directions given in this "Suggested" program there are very few that have failed, if you only follow what you like.... well as with anything else in life, what we do half arse leads to half arse results.

Hang in there for the whole ride because I promise you that if you stay long enough and follow directions the miracle will happen, it happened for me and millions of others.

lostmdboy

Glad to see you here. Iwould bet that there is not a single person here that does not feel the quilt. Be strongthere is a new life waiting for you.

Astro

Hi Messy,

I'm glad you're here, and hope that your first AA meeting is a positive experience. Try to keep an open mind, and listen for the similarities rather than the differences. AA is not a religious program, but focuses on spirituality and the belief in a power greater than ourselves. It saved my life and gave me more than anything I could've dreamed up.

GlassPrisoner

Messy, I suffered from depression and anxiety also. Both substantially reduced and even disappeared (at times) once I sobered up and started recovery.

Getoverit

Hey Messy,

Welcome to recovery. The first step is admitting we have a problem. Please do go to an A.A. meeting. I'm clean and sober just about 2 years now, and have a terrible problem with religion (I'm an atheist!!). If I can do this program -ANYBODY can!!!. I drank and drugged for 35 years........ Go to many many many many many many many many many meetings, don't pick up a drink, and LISTEN. This program gets you.....Good Luck - The ONLY thing you need to remeber now is "If you don't pick up a drink - you can't possibly get drunk!!". Keep it simple

igfan

Welcome! Your story is similar to mine...i was (what i considered to be) a functional alcoholic...hadn't lost anything (yet), hadn't had a DUI (yet). I started drinking when i was 12 (i'm now 38)...i've been at this quitting thing for almost two years now (i'm just shy of 5 months sober). AA has definitely been a factor in my recovery, somedays i love it, other days i hate it, but i know i would not have come this far without the help of the people in AA, my sponsor and the people here at SR. Please come by and check out the "Any Mom's keeping sane without using" thread......you'll find a lot of love and support there also.

Good luck!

angie9

Hi Messy wow the more posts that I read like yours the more I realise how much I have in common with the posters here. Im a married mum 39 who has been drinking heavily for the last ten years and Im still finding it hard to quit!! I can go for a week then those dam urges come back!! It wont be easy messy but we all feel what you are going through and know what you are feeling its hell!! but the support here is awesome!! Even if you have a setback ( which does happen) please keep posting! Ive seen so many people like me that post then dont come back and I worry . Only a fellow sufferer knows excautly what we are going through please lurk, read and post as much as possible
Take care Ang

Messy

You guys are great and I appreciate all of the kind words and replies.

Tonight is going to be tough. It's a little after 2 in the afternoon here and I'm already having some anxiety about not drinking tonight. What will I do with myself? Most likely, I'll force myself to sleep.

Going to be a rough day. Thank you all for helping.

1_day@_a_time

Ever find an AA meeting?

That's what I have been doing for yrs now when I did not feel comfortable....it's been yrs since I had a drink, and the obsession was lifted a LOOOOONG time ago.

Messy

The meeting is tomorrow. With my situation being what it is, Sat is the only free evening that I have during the week. I can hang in until then.

newday117

Messy-
stay busy. read, exercise, watch a movie, call a friend, take a nice long bath, listen to some good music, or, like you said, just turn in early for the evening. is there someone you can hang out with who doesn't drink? its nice to have company at times like these.

1_day@_a_time

excellent! keep in mind, meetings vary greatly, I have attended thousands, some I enjoy more that others.

keep posting and stick around............MAJOR congrats on your courage!!!!!

CarolD

Hi Messy...

We can and do recover!

Welcome to SR