ephiphanys,truths, and the final act....(hopefully)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 60
ephiphanys,truths, and the final act....(hopefully)
No, nothing bad has happened other than the fact that I am exhausted.
Like I said he had come home and came home for two days.
He was in really bad shape. I think he was having some kind of emotional breakdown maybe brought on by drugs or alcohol or just a plain breakdown.
He looked rather pathetic and even said he felt pathetic and didn't want to wake up.
Part of his MO is to be manipulative and to do things to set me off and I figured out why tonight. My ephiphany I suppose. ***** now has a feature where you can lock your email so it opens as your homepage and he did that with his ***** address. When I logged in this morning I saw it and since it was blatantly there I looked.
And to answer all my suspiscions there were emails from other women. I confronted him on this a number of occassions and he always accused ME of cheating. After all I read here I KNEW he was doing stuff on the side.
But ironically enough, whoever this other chick is, she isn't falling for it either and doesn't think he's being honest or accountable. Like I said, no woman in her right mind would want him.
The bill came in for the window and he did see it. He seemed to be doing ok and then left. He left some things here but he left his house keys so I wasn't sure if he was coming back or not. I called several times to no avail and was trying not to panic. He finally called me back and didn't know if he was coming home. When I called again, he picked a fight and didn't want to talk.
Instead I pushed the matter and we started arguing. I started SHOUTING and asked him who the chick was. He said it was HIS business. Well, DUh. I told him I wasn't playing second fiddle nor was I going to be used. Everything I wanted to say I said.
AND LET ME TELL YOU IT FELT GREAT.
yeah, I know I shouldn't play into the drama but I needed to call him on his bull****.
I think I finally figured some things about him out. This is his MO. This is how he operates. He has problems with intimacy and doesn't want to get close to anyone. he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. No woman is going to settle for that. So when he is feeling anxious, he does manipulative things like leave his email open so I can see email from other women or find phone numbers of other women. Its a maneuver to push me away AND IT WORKS like a charm!! After awhile you just don't want to put up with the bull****.
I told him, do not bother coming over anymore, I don't want to be used, and since he aparently feels nothing for me, I WON'T LET HIM IN and I'm just going to toss his S*** out.
Obviously he's not getting what he wants so he's shoving everyone away.
Sad but oh well, its his life. I have my own stuff to worry about.
I'm sad to say that until this window is paid for I'm going to have to be dealing with him but maybe now he won't come over anymore.
My life is a mess because of him. While I was putting up with his abuse which was causing me depression, it affected my job and I lost my job. I'm about to secure another job but with the drama not over I'm worried about my mental state. hmmmm, I suppose that's why I shouldn't play into the drama....it shatters my sense of calm....
Thank you for listening and your support....
I'm amazed I'm up this late....
Like I said he had come home and came home for two days.
He was in really bad shape. I think he was having some kind of emotional breakdown maybe brought on by drugs or alcohol or just a plain breakdown.
He looked rather pathetic and even said he felt pathetic and didn't want to wake up.
Part of his MO is to be manipulative and to do things to set me off and I figured out why tonight. My ephiphany I suppose. ***** now has a feature where you can lock your email so it opens as your homepage and he did that with his ***** address. When I logged in this morning I saw it and since it was blatantly there I looked.
And to answer all my suspiscions there were emails from other women. I confronted him on this a number of occassions and he always accused ME of cheating. After all I read here I KNEW he was doing stuff on the side.
But ironically enough, whoever this other chick is, she isn't falling for it either and doesn't think he's being honest or accountable. Like I said, no woman in her right mind would want him.
The bill came in for the window and he did see it. He seemed to be doing ok and then left. He left some things here but he left his house keys so I wasn't sure if he was coming back or not. I called several times to no avail and was trying not to panic. He finally called me back and didn't know if he was coming home. When I called again, he picked a fight and didn't want to talk.
Instead I pushed the matter and we started arguing. I started SHOUTING and asked him who the chick was. He said it was HIS business. Well, DUh. I told him I wasn't playing second fiddle nor was I going to be used. Everything I wanted to say I said.
AND LET ME TELL YOU IT FELT GREAT.
yeah, I know I shouldn't play into the drama but I needed to call him on his bull****.
I think I finally figured some things about him out. This is his MO. This is how he operates. He has problems with intimacy and doesn't want to get close to anyone. he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. No woman is going to settle for that. So when he is feeling anxious, he does manipulative things like leave his email open so I can see email from other women or find phone numbers of other women. Its a maneuver to push me away AND IT WORKS like a charm!! After awhile you just don't want to put up with the bull****.
I told him, do not bother coming over anymore, I don't want to be used, and since he aparently feels nothing for me, I WON'T LET HIM IN and I'm just going to toss his S*** out.
Obviously he's not getting what he wants so he's shoving everyone away.
Sad but oh well, its his life. I have my own stuff to worry about.
I'm sad to say that until this window is paid for I'm going to have to be dealing with him but maybe now he won't come over anymore.
My life is a mess because of him. While I was putting up with his abuse which was causing me depression, it affected my job and I lost my job. I'm about to secure another job but with the drama not over I'm worried about my mental state. hmmmm, I suppose that's why I shouldn't play into the drama....it shatters my sense of calm....
Thank you for listening and your support....
I'm amazed I'm up this late....
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by minuet 
So when he is feeling anxious, he does manipulative things like leave his email open so I can see email from other women or find phone numbers of other women. Its a maneuver to push me away AND IT WORKS like a charm!! After awhile you just don't want to put up with the bull****.
My wife gave me boundries and when I would pull my stunts to get her to make my choices for me, she held her boundries and put it back in my own lap.
Worked like a charm.
"I am not going to make choices for you, you need make your own."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by minuet
yeah, I know I shouldn't play into the drama but I needed to call him on his bull****.
My friend used to tell me that everything I would allow myself to call my ex on his BS, that I was ultimately giving him control. Please don't give him anymore control over you -- nobody is worth that! Jo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
If you've lost a job over the relationship might that be making your life unmanageable?
Originally Posted by minuet
No, nothing bad has happened other than the fact that I am exhausted.
Like I said he had come home and came home for two days.
He was in really bad shape. I think he was having some kind of emotional breakdown maybe brought on by drugs or alcohol or just a plain breakdown.
He looked rather pathetic and even said he felt pathetic and didn't want to wake up.
Part of his MO is to be manipulative and to do things to set me off and I figured out why tonight. My ephiphany I suppose. ***** now has a feature where you can lock your email so it opens as your homepage and he did that with his ***** address. When I logged in this morning I saw it and since it was blatantly there I looked.
And to answer all my suspiscions there were emails from other women. I confronted him on this a number of occassions and he always accused ME of cheating. After all I read here I KNEW he was doing stuff on the side.
But ironically enough, whoever this other chick is, she isn't falling for it either and doesn't think he's being honest or accountable. Like I said, no woman in her right mind would want him.
The bill came in for the window and he did see it. He seemed to be doing ok and then left. He left some things here but he left his house keys so I wasn't sure if he was coming back or not. I called several times to no avail and was trying not to panic. He finally called me back and didn't know if he was coming home. When I called again, he picked a fight and didn't want to talk.
Instead I pushed the matter and we started arguing. I started SHOUTING and asked him who the chick was. He said it was HIS business. Well, DUh. I told him I wasn't playing second fiddle nor was I going to be used. Everything I wanted to say I said.
AND LET ME TELL YOU IT FELT GREAT.
yeah, I know I shouldn't play into the drama but I needed to call him on his bull****.
I think I finally figured some things about him out. This is his MO. This is how he operates. He has problems with intimacy and doesn't want to get close to anyone. he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. No woman is going to settle for that. So when he is feeling anxious, he does manipulative things like leave his email open so I can see email from other women or find phone numbers of other women. Its a maneuver to push me away AND IT WORKS like a charm!! After awhile you just don't want to put up with the bull****.
I told him, do not bother coming over anymore, I don't want to be used, and since he aparently feels nothing for me, I WON'T LET HIM IN and I'm just going to toss his S*** out.
Obviously he's not getting what he wants so he's shoving everyone away.
Sad but oh well, its his life. I have my own stuff to worry about.
I'm sad to say that until this window is paid for I'm going to have to be dealing with him but maybe now he won't come over anymore.
My life is a mess because of him. While I was putting up with his abuse which was causing me depression, it affected my job and I lost my job. I'm about to secure another job but with the drama not over I'm worried about my mental state. hmmmm, I suppose that's why I shouldn't play into the drama....it shatters my sense of calm....
Thank you for listening and your support....
I'm amazed I'm up this late....
Like I said he had come home and came home for two days.
He was in really bad shape. I think he was having some kind of emotional breakdown maybe brought on by drugs or alcohol or just a plain breakdown.
He looked rather pathetic and even said he felt pathetic and didn't want to wake up.
Part of his MO is to be manipulative and to do things to set me off and I figured out why tonight. My ephiphany I suppose. ***** now has a feature where you can lock your email so it opens as your homepage and he did that with his ***** address. When I logged in this morning I saw it and since it was blatantly there I looked.
And to answer all my suspiscions there were emails from other women. I confronted him on this a number of occassions and he always accused ME of cheating. After all I read here I KNEW he was doing stuff on the side.
But ironically enough, whoever this other chick is, she isn't falling for it either and doesn't think he's being honest or accountable. Like I said, no woman in her right mind would want him.
The bill came in for the window and he did see it. He seemed to be doing ok and then left. He left some things here but he left his house keys so I wasn't sure if he was coming back or not. I called several times to no avail and was trying not to panic. He finally called me back and didn't know if he was coming home. When I called again, he picked a fight and didn't want to talk.
Instead I pushed the matter and we started arguing. I started SHOUTING and asked him who the chick was. He said it was HIS business. Well, DUh. I told him I wasn't playing second fiddle nor was I going to be used. Everything I wanted to say I said.
AND LET ME TELL YOU IT FELT GREAT.
yeah, I know I shouldn't play into the drama but I needed to call him on his bull****.
I think I finally figured some things about him out. This is his MO. This is how he operates. He has problems with intimacy and doesn't want to get close to anyone. he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. No woman is going to settle for that. So when he is feeling anxious, he does manipulative things like leave his email open so I can see email from other women or find phone numbers of other women. Its a maneuver to push me away AND IT WORKS like a charm!! After awhile you just don't want to put up with the bull****.
I told him, do not bother coming over anymore, I don't want to be used, and since he aparently feels nothing for me, I WON'T LET HIM IN and I'm just going to toss his S*** out.
Obviously he's not getting what he wants so he's shoving everyone away.
Sad but oh well, its his life. I have my own stuff to worry about.
I'm sad to say that until this window is paid for I'm going to have to be dealing with him but maybe now he won't come over anymore.
My life is a mess because of him. While I was putting up with his abuse which was causing me depression, it affected my job and I lost my job. I'm about to secure another job but with the drama not over I'm worried about my mental state. hmmmm, I suppose that's why I shouldn't play into the drama....it shatters my sense of calm....
Thank you for listening and your support....
I'm amazed I'm up this late....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
minuet....you say your goal is to get the money for the window. sometimes we just have to bite the bullet, and look at our excuses for continuing in this drama. could it be that the window payment is one of your excuses for continuing to dance the dance with him???
i've also used the same excuses for letting my xh into my life....to be finacially reimbursed for some of the latest bs he had pulled....but looking back, i can see that i just wasn't ready to end the drama and chaos in my life.
love to you
i've also used the same excuses for letting my xh into my life....to be finacially reimbursed for some of the latest bs he had pulled....but looking back, i can see that i just wasn't ready to end the drama and chaos in my life.
love to you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by best
More to the point...he doesn't want to make choices. You throw his butt out, he can walk away saying you did it. He didn't leave you.
My wife gave me boundries and when I would pull my stunts to get her to make my choices for me, she held her boundries and put it back in my own lap.
Worked like a charm.
"I am not going to make choices for you, you need make your own."
My wife gave me boundries and when I would pull my stunts to get her to make my choices for me, she held her boundries and put it back in my own lap.
Worked like a charm.
"I am not going to make choices for you, you need make your own."
I would prefer it if he made the decision on his own so he can't blame me for it later like he does everything else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by embraced2000
minuet....you say your goal is to get the money for the window. sometimes we just have to bite the bullet, and look at our excuses for continuing in this drama. could it be that the window payment is one of your excuses for continuing to dance the dance with him???
i've also used the same excuses for letting my xh into my life....to be finacially reimbursed for some of the latest bs he had pulled....but looking back, i can see that i just wasn't ready to end the drama and chaos in my life.
love to you
i've also used the same excuses for letting my xh into my life....to be finacially reimbursed for some of the latest bs he had pulled....but looking back, i can see that i just wasn't ready to end the drama and chaos in my life.
love to you
Maybe it is a way to prolong the drama I don't know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by CatsTail
If you've lost a job over the relationship might that be making your life unmanageable?
oh it is unmanageable....no doubt about that....
I'm trying to get it back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by minuet
It could be. I just want him to be responsible for his actions and take accountability for a change. ....
What I learned in al-anon is that my marriage did _not_ fail. I did my best to keep it working, and when that was not enough I then did my worse to pretend that it had not failed. I did not fail at my marriage, I failed at accepting that it was over. Once I got off my high horse and accepted the fact that sometimes life gives me ^%#$^%$ I was able to do what was best for _both_ of us.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think he got what he wanted, again. You told him not to come over. You told him off. Now......what about that bill? He won't be back and he won't pay it. If you mean what you say and say what you mean, you'll take that bill to small claims court and sue him for it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Can you see your problem with control issues here?
"I just want him to be responsible for his actions and take accountability for a change." HUH??? Do you think he gives a rat's patoot what the he** you want?
HE IS AN ADDICT. YOU EXPECT HIM TO BEHAVE LIKE HE'S NOT AN ADDICT. He could not care less what you want. You, my dear, have a serious control issue staring you right in the face. If God himself cannot make this man see the error of his ways, own up and take responsibility, what makes you think you have the power to do so?
This is not about him. This is all about you. And I agree 100 percent with Mallow - you want him to pay, take him to court. That's called putting your money where your mouth is.
HE IS AN ADDICT. YOU EXPECT HIM TO BEHAVE LIKE HE'S NOT AN ADDICT. He could not care less what you want. You, my dear, have a serious control issue staring you right in the face. If God himself cannot make this man see the error of his ways, own up and take responsibility, what makes you think you have the power to do so?
This is not about him. This is all about you. And I agree 100 percent with Mallow - you want him to pay, take him to court. That's called putting your money where your mouth is.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
