heavy load............
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
heavy load............
Good Morning,
I am feeling a bit low this morning. Last night my husband came home drunk again, but I didn't let him engage me in his confrontations. At 2am I woke up because the cat was scratching to get out of my bedroom. I couldn't get back to sleep and this is so unusual for me. I started thinking about where he is getting the money to drink. I know he is going to the supermarket with a check from our joint account and getting cash back from the cashier. So I got up in the middle of the night and hid my checks. This all makes me so sad. When I finally got back to sleep, I dreamed I was with someone new, and he was kissing my shoulder. It was sort of an anonomus person. I have been thinking about what I really want with this relationship. I want it to go away, to have the weight just lifted off my shoulders. I keep thinking about holding up that Mini van, and that's what it is like every day. Heavy today.................
I am feeling a bit low this morning. Last night my husband came home drunk again, but I didn't let him engage me in his confrontations. At 2am I woke up because the cat was scratching to get out of my bedroom. I couldn't get back to sleep and this is so unusual for me. I started thinking about where he is getting the money to drink. I know he is going to the supermarket with a check from our joint account and getting cash back from the cashier. So I got up in the middle of the night and hid my checks. This all makes me so sad. When I finally got back to sleep, I dreamed I was with someone new, and he was kissing my shoulder. It was sort of an anonomus person. I have been thinking about what I really want with this relationship. I want it to go away, to have the weight just lifted off my shoulders. I keep thinking about holding up that Mini van, and that's what it is like every day. Heavy today.................
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Aw, hugs to you Rose
Great big hugs. Disappointment and frustration is a heavy load to bear. I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I think you are in need of some "self-revitalization". Do something nice for you today.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Rose,
Don't feel bad. You had an "awareness" and you took action. That is something to celebrate. Your HP was whispering in your ear and you heard Him. Could that have been the "someone new"?? (Or was it THAT kind of dream?
)
Hugs,
JT
Don't feel bad. You had an "awareness" and you took action. That is something to celebrate. Your HP was whispering in your ear and you heard Him. Could that have been the "someone new"?? (Or was it THAT kind of dream?
)Hugs,
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Thanks guys,
JT, it would have been THAT kind of dream if only it could have progressed further!!! Oh brother, frustration even in my dreams! LOL, I get no respect!
Seriously, I have been feeling lately that I have tried everything under the sun to make a better life for myself. Counseling, Alanon, friends, books, prayer, alternative healers, the works. And still I feel stuck, and unsure what to do. I asked for a Stephen Minister from my church and one has been assigned to me. I am feeling like why bother, how can this help when nothing else has so far?
But in spite of my feelings today, I know I will try again, because what really are my alternatives? Giving up? I don't think so. I yearn for a better life, more peace, and a sense of accomplishment.
Gabe, I will do somehting nice for myself today. Maybe a visit to the mall. Take care................
JT, it would have been THAT kind of dream if only it could have progressed further!!! Oh brother, frustration even in my dreams! LOL, I get no respect!
Seriously, I have been feeling lately that I have tried everything under the sun to make a better life for myself. Counseling, Alanon, friends, books, prayer, alternative healers, the works. And still I feel stuck, and unsure what to do. I asked for a Stephen Minister from my church and one has been assigned to me. I am feeling like why bother, how can this help when nothing else has so far?
But in spite of my feelings today, I know I will try again, because what really are my alternatives? Giving up? I don't think so. I yearn for a better life, more peace, and a sense of accomplishment.
Gabe, I will do somehting nice for myself today. Maybe a visit to the mall. Take care................
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
You know what Rose? You can have all of those things whether you stay or leave! Really! I can't leave my son...he will always be in my life in one way or the other and I do have a good life, peace and a sense of accomplishment.
Maybe you could try looking at what he adds to your life...what would be missing if he weren't there. If there are truly good things that you would miss that is a place to focus. And never forget...you can be married one day at a time. That way you don't have to feel trapped...you can always leave tomorrow.
Hugs,
JT
Maybe you could try looking at what he adds to your life...what would be missing if he weren't there. If there are truly good things that you would miss that is a place to focus. And never forget...you can be married one day at a time. That way you don't have to feel trapped...you can always leave tomorrow.
Hugs,
JT
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hey Rose,
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and remembering you in my prayers. You are a trooper and I admire you for working your program. It's just some days we work it better than others, don't we?...smiles.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and remembering you in my prayers. You are a trooper and I admire you for working your program. It's just some days we work it better than others, don't we?...smiles.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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