Is he near the end?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: iowa
Posts: 93
Is he near the end?
I'm just wondering how much longer he'll last.
We've been separated since 9/30/06. He moved to his mother's. Now he moved out of his mother's house (rent free), and moved into a rent based on income apartment (closer to me - in town now) $80 a month + deposit with no food/cable tv/laundry done by mom.
When I called him today (he had called and left a message) - he asked if the kids could come out & see his apt.
So I picked up the kids, and we walked into no more than I really expected. I had hoped for better though.
There was a large couch he got from his brother and some picnic chair from outside and that was the only furniture. He slept on the couch last nite. No curtains, no bed. A few towels and some socks/underwear.
And of course beer & cigs. There was at least 5 empties on the counter and more in the refrig. I didn't look but the kids said. They were hungry and were expecting to find something in the fridge. But they know.
He spent more attention to me and 'when can he come home' than to his kids.
I really have some bad feelings that this is near the end.
I can't help him anymore (I've tried 9-10 times hospitalized for detox- including 2 alcohol withdrawal seizures, and an OWI where he broke a bone in his neck and could have been paralyzed, 3 mental health/substance abuse committals, a public intox from when I called the police when he was driving drunk, without a license & no insurance).
I don't think he'll make it thru the year, maybe not even the rest of the month. He's 37.
It's so hard when I've always thought that where there's life there's hope - but there just isn't with an alcoholic or with him. I've already prayed tonight after talking to his mother. I prayed for him to find the way, or for God to make it quick. I'll pray again tonight.
We've been separated since 9/30/06. He moved to his mother's. Now he moved out of his mother's house (rent free), and moved into a rent based on income apartment (closer to me - in town now) $80 a month + deposit with no food/cable tv/laundry done by mom.
When I called him today (he had called and left a message) - he asked if the kids could come out & see his apt.
So I picked up the kids, and we walked into no more than I really expected. I had hoped for better though.
There was a large couch he got from his brother and some picnic chair from outside and that was the only furniture. He slept on the couch last nite. No curtains, no bed. A few towels and some socks/underwear.
And of course beer & cigs. There was at least 5 empties on the counter and more in the refrig. I didn't look but the kids said. They were hungry and were expecting to find something in the fridge. But they know.
He spent more attention to me and 'when can he come home' than to his kids.
I really have some bad feelings that this is near the end.
I can't help him anymore (I've tried 9-10 times hospitalized for detox- including 2 alcohol withdrawal seizures, and an OWI where he broke a bone in his neck and could have been paralyzed, 3 mental health/substance abuse committals, a public intox from when I called the police when he was driving drunk, without a license & no insurance).
I don't think he'll make it thru the year, maybe not even the rest of the month. He's 37.
It's so hard when I've always thought that where there's life there's hope - but there just isn't with an alcoholic or with him. I've already prayed tonight after talking to his mother. I prayed for him to find the way, or for God to make it quick. I'll pray again tonight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
When I lived in Maryland I used to go to an open AA meeting every Saturday afternoon. I got to know a nice older fella who had been sober since 1973. When his daughter found him, he was laying in his own excrement in the back of his van. As she pulled him out to clean him up, he suffered a massive heart attack. Twice on the way to the hospital, his heart stopped. That was his bottom. When I met him, he had 31 years sober and thanked God for bringing him back from the dead. He went back to work, had his own home, and loved bringing his home-baked cookies to meetings.
What you are now seeing is very, very bad. It is hard to tell how long your AH will live. Some people have stronger physical abilities to withstand the alcohol abuse, others die sooner. Let him hit his bottom, if there is one before he dies. He really could survive in the state he is in for longer than you expect. I know I've prayed that my AH would either just drop dead or get sober. God has chosen to take charge, so I let go of those prayers and just pray nowadays for guidance for my own life. I leave my AH in God's hands to do His own will.
Perhaps it is best for you and your children not to visit him where he lives again. It sounds like a pretty bad place to go. If he asks if he can come home, perhaps you should let him know that he cannot come home unless he decides to get better for himself. I'm sorry you are going through this awful situation.
What you are now seeing is very, very bad. It is hard to tell how long your AH will live. Some people have stronger physical abilities to withstand the alcohol abuse, others die sooner. Let him hit his bottom, if there is one before he dies. He really could survive in the state he is in for longer than you expect. I know I've prayed that my AH would either just drop dead or get sober. God has chosen to take charge, so I let go of those prayers and just pray nowadays for guidance for my own life. I leave my AH in God's hands to do His own will.
Perhaps it is best for you and your children not to visit him where he lives again. It sounds like a pretty bad place to go. If he asks if he can come home, perhaps you should let him know that he cannot come home unless he decides to get better for himself. I'm sorry you are going through this awful situation.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
It's tough. Maybe you should let them decide ... be upfront about his condition and let them choose? I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not. I guess it depends on ages and maturity level. Who knows what is right or wrong in a situation like this. It was just a thought.
I feel for ya CC.
I feel for ya CC.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i understand what you are going through. seeing my xh near death so many times, and rescuing him time and time again, only to have it happen again.
it is the ultimate act of love for ourselves and our alcoholic to let go and put them in god's hands.
the fear of losing my xh to alcoholic death was immeasurable. and caused so much damage to my own soul and heart.
i know how hard it is, criss cross. let go, and let god is what i finally had to do. i can only pray for him now. i stopped asking god for my xh recovery....just prayed for his will to be done.
much love to you
jeri
it is the ultimate act of love for ourselves and our alcoholic to let go and put them in god's hands.
the fear of losing my xh to alcoholic death was immeasurable. and caused so much damage to my own soul and heart.
i know how hard it is, criss cross. let go, and let god is what i finally had to do. i can only pray for him now. i stopped asking god for my xh recovery....just prayed for his will to be done.
much love to you
jeri
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