criss-cross

Ok - so I'm trying this.
Last week I posted about him (AH) calling, X 4 at 11 p.m. & everyone said to ignore him/don't answer.

Well tonight at about 8:55 p.m. he called and one of the kids talked to him - then he wanted to talk to me. He said how he couldn't get along without me & the kids and he missed us (he had visitation this weekend- spent a whole 10-20 minutes with the kids & me). 'Can't we just make this work, give me a chance'. Somewhere the conversation turned even worse and he started swearing- I said 'what was that' - just to make sure I heard him right. Nope I did.
He said I was 'f****** turning everything around again, twisting things around'. I didn't really listen after the first word - I was too busy telling him that he had no right to talk to me like that and I don't have to put up with it and I was hanging up the phone - I don't know if he heard me or not - don't care. It likely didn't do much good - could tell by his breathing & crying & swearing at me, that he'd been drinking

Of course he did call back - I pushed the answer button and then quickly the off button. He called again I did the same. Then he called my cell phone in the other room - I just let it ring. Then I picked up the phone and left it off the hook.

After awhile over 20 minutes, I thought I'd put it back on. Within 5 minutes it rang and it was him - this time I was going to let the answering machine pick it up, but instead my son (7) did what I had been doing answer then hang up. I told him he didn't have to do that just leave the phone for me.
My cell phone then rang again, I told him not to answer it. My son insisted on bringing my cell phone to me - but I just let it go to voice mail.

Now again I'm sitting with my home phone off the hook now for 30 minutes.
I hope it's like you all said - that it gets better.

newenglandgirl

From what I've read here, it WILL get easier with time. Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Keep us posted.

prodigal

I know this is emotionally draining for you. But take heart, what you did by taking the phone off the hook is a good thing. You don't need to listen to that insane "quacking" and verbal abuse. It will never cease to amaze me how they will beg to come home, have us forgive them, let them back in our lives; yet as soon as we set a boundary, they start in with the cussing and carrying on. It is sad. I guess he knows that unless he cleans up his act, he cannot come home. Maybe he will make the decision to get well. All you can do is hope and pray he chooses that path.

dollydo

It will get easier...you are now in control, he is not.

The first step is the most difficult, you have taken that one, keep going.

Dolly

denny57

It will get easier. Turn the ringer off if you have to. Small inconveniences right now could lead to big payoffs.

mallowcup

Why not just take the phone of the hook at a certain hour for a while, I feel so bad for your 7 year old son. This all happens at what would typically be his bedtime.

TexasGirl

Hi there,
I remember a day that my husband called me 22 times. That's a lot of phone calls!! I guess he eventually got bored or realized it wasn't getting him anywhere, so he stopped. Well, actually, he tapered off to almost nothing. It does get better.

mallowcup

We always alledge to leave the phone on in case of emergency. What emergency? If our kids are in and our house is settled for the night, in case of true emergency someone will get ahold of you. This is not just a statement about phone use. It is about taking control of your own house. Obviously if the phone is on he will call until everyone in the house is nausiated. I would just tell the kids, at 8pm the phone gets turned off. The cell gets turned off. 900 hundred drunken phone calls to a dead phone will get tiresome. He has to think that because you don't turn the phone off, he is encouraged because anyoje who didn't want to talk to you really would turn the phone off. Your kids are watching you handle this. Their security is going to come from seeing a confident woman making sound rational decisons. Alcoholics will find any crack in the house to crawl into. Seal it up.
When a seven year old boys head hits the pillow, he should be thinking about pirates and skateboards.

lilac

Good For You !!!!

Pick-a-name

If my kids were home and I didn't want bothered,I turned off the cell and unplugged the phone. Like my dad always told us growing up (5 kids and one phone) "if it is important,they'll call back".

Good luck!