prettywoman

I am back again and I just am here for support to keep me going strong as I have been. I been away from my ex bf for 4 month now. He still calls when he is drunk and when he is, not sure which one is worse. I have always suspected that he is looking around online and meeting females etc. after I had left him.
I have been very strong and living my life daily and taking care of me and my unborn twins.
Yesterday I was online and this girl sends me a message. She ask me if I was so and so and I said yes. She ask me did I know (my ex name) I say yes. So I am thinking well maybe she is just kidding with me but was curious. I asked her for her number and she gave it to me and I called her.
I was unsure why it was she was contacting me and how did she get my information. She told me she had met my ex on an match maker program online, go figure, he is already out searching. She said they met one time and she was not impressed and decided he wasen't her type.
Blah blah blah...she told me that he said bad things about me such as I am bi-polar, nuts and crazy etc. I said ok.
Than she said he had asked her did she mind children , she said no. Asked him if he had kids he said yes my ex is pregnant with twins. CAN YOU BELIVE THIS? At that point I got upset. How dare he picks up some girl online and already ask her if she would accept my UNBORN babies???????
She continued telling he had even hit on her 14 year old sister. Now what does a 27 year old man has to talk about with a 14 year old?
So I said ok thank for the information and hung up. I am not upset about that he is running around desperately looking for someone to fill his needs but don't mess with my babies and don't lie!
At 2 A.M. he calls me , he is drunk and furious. Chewing me out for talking to this girl. Now mind you he is the one giving her my info, she contacts ME and tells ME what s going on.
And he is mad at ME? I know that this is just manipulation on his part. Giving him the "power over". I did notlisten to anything hehad to say for long. He called me a liar , that she never contacted me etc etc etc, I finally just hung up.
The next morning I choose to call him and connfront him(waste of time ladies and gentlemen), he got all uptight and telling me he had a headache(I was giving him a headache) and he just hung up on me.
IT WAS ON THAN! As you can imagine.
I wrote him a letter today and for the first time I was very blunt. i called it how it is and told him to get help. Not that this will matter what I said but I was furious.
Not ONE TIME since I been pregnant has this man EVER asked me how I am doing, how are the babies doing NOTHING. He nonstop says to me, oh when the babies are born just HAND THEM OVER to me. I don't think so.
Knowing what I know about this disease I am not to take anything he says serious but sometimes it really can get to me.
I made him a web site with the ultrasounds and journal on it so that he can go and see updates in regards to our babies, how nice of me:-)
I deleted it today. I intend to break of ALL contact and continue to live my life.
In my wildest dreams I would never imagined that this man could be this cruel, I am still stunned.
For 4 month now I have been going through the phone calls and all the drama yet have detached from him and I handled it all great.
What gets me the most, one time he says I love you I want you back, in the same breath he says oh no we are not getting back together. Than he runs around picking up girls from online.
INSANITY! I KNOW.
He does not know where I live only where I work. Sometimes I get afraid. I know that I am ok and my babies will be fine I just feel bad about all of this knowing that he has this problem. I know I am taking care of ME. Someone tell me this is insane and I am doing the right thing still by staying away from all of it. Now I never not answered his calls , well sometimes I don't but niw I want to break it off all together He will get pissed of I am sure. I don;t want him to come looking for me so I am thinking if I keep a line of communication open when he does reach out for me I should for my sake and safety. At the same time when he gets out of hand let him know and hang up!

Live

Actually, you sound very strong to me! YOU know him best and you know which would be the safest course of action for you....to never answer or to screen calls or to listen with a deaf ear...listen to your instincts...and trial and error.

Be safe and well!

Hiugs to you!
live

Ann

Prettywoman

I just glad to hear from you and that you are keeping yourself and the babies safe.

I don't think I would like him giving anyone information on how to contact you. He may feel safe talking on-line to strangers, but you just never know who you are talking to.

Do what feels right for you and SAFE for you. Take time to heal and get your balance, and the rest will fall into place.

And let us know when these babies will be coming. I'm a slow knitter. .

D MOM

I realize that everyone's situation is different but your post really hit home for me. When I was pregnant (not married) by bf dated everyone in site. He wanted nothing to do with me or our baby. He told me to have an abortion over and over. The thing that my bf had in common with your bf is that he is an A. He was also very controlling and I can't count how many times he called me while drunk and I hung up on him. Long story short he asked me to marry him a month before the baby was born. I said yes. BIG MISTAKE! Looking back over 20 yrs ago I think the only reason he married me was because he wanted control over the baby. He also became very physically abusive.

Please take care of yourself. I'm glad he doesn't know where you live. You might want to change your email address and phone number. Be safe!

JT

What you recieved was a gift. A gift of information. And considering the content I would treasure it. Store it away and don't forget it.

Hugs,
JT

Live

Right on! JT!

NoDoubt

Good for you!!
If you want to break ties completely with him there must be a way. Have you spoke to an attorney regarding you and your babies' rights?
You sound sooo strong. Those two babies are very LUCKY to have YOU!!!
NoDoubt

lyn_blossom78

You are doing so well! I agree with JT, that it was a gift to receive this information. It will help you with your future decisions! You do sound so strong, and I believe you are doing what's right for you! Take care of yourself, and do tell us when these babies are coming--I'm a slow knitter too!

Lyn

prettywoman

You all are so wonderful! No I have not spoken with an attorney yet. For now I don't want to stress about that. There is nothing he can do now while I am carrying them anyway.
I wrote him today and told him I don't want you anymore, I am over you.

I am strong and I am doing great. I am letting my friends take me out wine and dine me and spoil me. It feels so great to not have such a drama every day. I can enjoy my home, do what I want and not have to worry about this anymore.

I can truly say , that once I got brave to take the step of leaving, I do not regret it for a moment! It feels great to be in serenity. You can do it to!
Thank all of you for being who you are, true angels on the net.

P.S. Yes I do love him with all of my heart and I want to share this with him in person, but I choose not to. Now I can love him in serenity without being there in person and still have a wonderful life, especially for my babies.

D MOM

I was just thinking about you and remembered something a wise person once said (I don't know who the wise person was) but I think it's wise. "A man is always on his best behavior before he marries you". You say you love the father of your babies but when you think about it if this is his best behavior is this really a man you want in your life and your babies lifes forever? I agree with NoDoubt I think you should at least talk to an attorney. I will be praying for you.

delight

hi prettywomen...remember me...im in your same boat
we kinda went through our breakups at the same time...and hearing your story sounds similiar to me....but in the altered alcholic world we were living in and they try to bring us back into,....I to have been split from my husband of 10 years for 5 months now...he also went on a match site and I had the password...said he was looking for someone to have one on one sex with(not even chat...just sex)I saw him for the first time in 4 months in march..He came to my hotel room slept with me and then woke up the next morning saying it was a big mistake and we shouldnt even talk anymore((((WHAT)))I coUldnt believe it...he even left me crying at the hotel and I was 1000 miles away from home(((WHAT A JERK))) well it really made me wake up...he is unrecognizable to me...the whole time I saw him he was soooo drunk...and he still living at his moms not working at 32...and hasnt called me at all in 40 days
Even after all of this I emailed him 2 weeks ago saying it didnt feel right that we were not communicating at all I atleast want to stay friends/...welll his lame a** still never called me...
It is so sad ...sad that they can trEAT US THE ONES WHO LOVE THEM MORE THAN THEY LOVE THEMSELVES ...
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL PRETTYWOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TRUST ME I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT BEST THING IS TO FOCUS ON YOU...not talking to him at allll will help...I am actually thankful he hasnt called becuase now there are days that go by where I dont think about him.
I hope things work out for you ...but I have leaRNED DONT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR THEM AT ALL...IFTHEY WISE UP,THEY CAN START GOING OUT OF THERE WAY FOR US...IF NOT **** EM
LIFE IS FO LIVING AND THEY ARE DYING
SORRY IF THIS SOUNDS HARSH...BUT ITS A HARSH DISEASE TO LIVE WITH OR AROUND
MUCH PEACE AND LOVE IN YOUR LIFE
DELIGHT
hi prettywomen

prettywoman

Nice to see you again!! I know and I know one thing it has been so hard on me. With each day going by I miss him so much BUT I know that I have to be strong and keep away. Last night he must have called me a hundred times. He leaves messages that just want me to call him so badly.

Well picking up females online has caught up with him. One of them actually contacted me. She told me that he had been bad mouthing me and she told me everything he said. She even got my id from online from him. He said I was i-polar, Nuts and had Multi Personallities IMAGINE THAT!

They not together, they only met once and that was it.
GET THIS.................Last week I got weak and I answered the phone! He called me very late and he was drinking some. He was so mean to me over the phone and I just hung up after he told me to shut the f*** up. Well the next day that girl told me EVERY WORD that was discussed in the pone call. She said that while he was on the cell phone with me , she was on his house phone from her house and he let her listen in to the call! HORRIBLE! WHY he would do such a thing is beyound me.

The next day I get all kind of nasty and horrible message on my IM, I knew it came from her allthough she used another id, they were horrible things like, I hope your babies die, he doesen't want you , he hates your guts etc etc. I saved them and emailed them to him. He swears up and down hehad NOTHING to do with this. CHILDISH COMES TO MIND HERE!

I got very upset and my blood pressure sky rocket, I ended up in the emergency room for a few hours. I am fine , the babies are fine. He ACTED like the concerned guy and he wrote me , called me crying telling me he has NOTHING to do with it!

I know that girL lied about some stuff. One thing I know is that the loves our unborn babies YET he has not one time been with me to an appointment or EVER ASK ME How I am doing or the babies.

He wrote that girl and told her he will call the cops if she does not stop to herass me or him. He told her he wanted nothing to do with her.

He send me a copy of that email.

Not one time in my life have I EVER been through such a childish thing! It is so cruel and so stupid.

Now he called me for the past 48 hours apologizing to me telling me he had nothing to do with this and yet he still will not take any responsibility for his ACTION in this.

So now it is back to ignoring him again. My phone is off and I do not want to speak with him.

What I do not get is that he has made no attempt to get me back! Yet he is nonstop wanting to call me.....................someone explain this one to me because I do not understand it!!!

D MOM

He may not want you but he certainly wants to control you!

prettywoman

Explain that further.........................please!

D MOM

He can't control himself so he feels he has power by controling you. It's just a thought but he sounds a lot like my ex-husband. He never truely wanted me but he was an A and I was the only thing he could control. Once I had his child it only got worse because he wanted to make sure that he had control over the child too. I hope that helps.