EmotionalMeg

Hi everyone,
I had to post because so many things have happened in a matter of a few days. I am worried about telling you guys the decisions that I have made, because I am thinking that you will think I am weak etc. Hmmmm... Yup, I am still a tad bit codependant .
Anyway, my husband and I have been talking quite a bit. We went to an open NA meeting together, and have discussed the need for counselling together and seperate. As it goes sometimes, we don't always SAY what we need to say to each other... partly because we are always thinking of what the reaction would be. It would be great to have a "mediator" or "interperater" involved... and someone who can help US as a couple. My husband has had an "awakening" as he calls it. He said that he is enjoying so much what AA and NA is doing for him, and has worked thru 6 of the 12 steps already with his sponser. He tells me how it is easier to imagine his life as a "sober" person, because he feels that if he drinks again he will certainly die; he wants so much NOT to go back. Now, I have asked for nothing from him. I know not to make "contracts" or demand promises regarding his sobriety. But I HAVE made some serious boundaries for myself. We agreed together to have him move back in this weekend, and I AM feeling a little apprehensive. The flip-side of that however is that I feel completely safe. I am not worried about whether he relapses or not, because my boundaries protect my kids and I in such a situation; I will NOT continue to live with my husband if he uses again - no two ways about it.
I am very hopeful for him. I can see such a different man this time around. He talks about how vital it is for him to put his recovery first for him. He has had to make a few amends to people he has wronged, and has many more to go... he is working on his amends to the most important people in his life; me and his parents. He has had to quit hockey, which is a real heartbreaker for him... he has such a talent and passion for the sport, but finally realizes the danger and temptation for using. He speaks of visiting different meetings in different towns where we live, and how if I am interested, he would love me to come along. He and his sponser took off yesterday to visit the "AA clubs" in our area (I can't remember the correct name), and took part in a couple of meetings as well. The pride and excitement in his voice when he speaks of his recovery is amazing - I hope he is able to hold on to that when the tough times come (we both know they will).
Anyhow, I am looking forward to sharing my life with my husband once again; sharing his comfort and warmth beside me, and enjoying his friendship. I still continue to realize what MY recovery has brought to me - such clarity and peace! - and will never stop working on myself... no matter what happens between my husband and I.
Thank you for all your encouraging words thru all of this... And for accepting me, just as I am.
Take care
Meg

matters

Hi Meg,

I love hearing about wonderful news! It sounds like you and your husband are on a positive track and his will to stay sober is very strong. I am happy for the both of you.

SPRING is a time for new growth! It sure sounds like your relationship has started to bloom.

Best wishes to you both!!
matters

NoDoubt

Meg,
Please don't ever appoligize for doing what your heart tells you to do. Why make yourself miserable by telling him to 'stay away'. You can both help each other. It sounds like things have turned around. GOod for the both of you.
I know it's a little scarey, but, enjoy each day you have. It's great having a husband who is sober. Mine has now been sober for 3 weeks and things are soooo much better.
Take care!
NoDoubt

EmotionalMeg

Thank you Matters and No Doubt,
The truth is that I DO feel like my I am following my heart... I guess I have heard so many people telling me what NOT to do; some have said "give him 6 months", "make him suffer", "don't take him back", "don't trust him". And in the end, I just had to make the decision all by myself. Like I said, with my boundaries in place, I feel safe... and no matter what HE does with his recovery, I will still keep plugging away at mine.
Take care
Meg

Gabe

Good news is always savored, loved and "thanked God for" in my neck of the woods. I didn't have thought one that you were being "weak". I think we Anons can live more afraid that the other shoe is going to drop than we can happy that things are going well. That is SO not right. Thank God we can still rely on "the power to change the things we can."
God bless and may your miracles continue to happen.
Peace,
Gabe

Ann

Meg

Sending hugs and prayers that this will be a chance for both of you to grow together.

What is right for one of us may not be right for another, and this program is just about looking after ourselves and doing what feels right for us. It sounds like you have some good plans in place to help keep the ride smooth.