Your First AA Meeting
BraveGiant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10
Your First AA Meeting
Among the many fears I had about recovery (and I had a lot of them) was, “what was AA like?” and “what do I do when (if) I get there?”
I have seen films and T.V. shows depicting a meeting, but other than that, I had no idea. And because of this I was terrified! In the condition I was in, I couldn’t put a few sentences together, let alone “share”.
That’s what this post is designed to do. Give an overview view of the types of AA meetings and my opinion of what’s expected of the newcomer. I have by no means covered every type of meeting. I have only provided a basic understanding, so a person who is thinking about coming to a meeting, may not be as clueless… as I was.
Just as there are 12 Steps for the individual, there are 12 Traditions for the group. These traditions guide all groups and are the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. (You can read all traditions here).
It is called Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason. Anonymity is very important to members and it is taken very seriously. It is imperative that we remember to protect each member’s anonymity. You are asked, …whom you see there, and what you hear there…let it stay there. You will be given the same respect. This is Tradition 12 … Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
The most important thing to remember is …the only requirement for AA membership “is a desire to stop drinking!” Tradition 3 is The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. That’s it; you don’t have to be stopped. You need not have tried a certain number of times to quit drinking before you come. You don’t have to do or be anything. You just need a desire to stop drinking and you are member. YOU say if you’re a member or not!
And yes, there are people who come drunk to their first meetings (like me!). As long as you have a desire…you are welcome.
And of course there are people who are court ordered to attend AA meetings. They may choose to go to an OPEN meeting.
There are two types of AA meetings. They are Open and Closed meetings.
Anyone can go to an open meeting. Certainly someone “with a desire to stop drinking” is always welcome at any meeting, but also the public is invited to attend open meetings. For instance, a public health official who may want to sit in on a meeting to learn about alcoholism, or a student might be required to attend a meeting for a high school health class. Maybe a family member may want to come to a meeting to see what it’s like. All are welcome to attend an Open meeting.
A Closed meeting is held for "anybody who has a desire to stop drinking”. These meetings are for those who want to stop drinking. The closed meeting is designed for one or more people (who have a desire to stop drinking) to talk freely, and feel secure that each person in the room is there for the same reason and can gain support from each other. Meeting attendance can be from two people to over a hundred people.
In meeting list, the Open Meeting is designated (O) and the Closed (C).
There are many different meeting formats. For instance, one may be a Speaker (S) meeting where there is chairperson (someone who opens the meeting) and a speaker who will share (talk about) what they were like, what happened, and what they are like now or as AA’s know it, share their experience, strength and hope.
Another format is a Discussion (D) meeting where the chairperson will open the meeting and then turn the meeting over to those in attendance to share about a particular topic or anything that’s on their mind (heart).
One of my favorite meetings is a Step meeting (ST) based upon the Twelve Steps of AA, where a portion of the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (written by Co-Founder Bill W.) may be read followed by a discussion about that particular Step. Another great meeting is a Big Book meeting (BB), which again starts with reading a portion from the book Alcoholics Anonymous, with a discussion to follow.
Therefore in an AA Meeting List an “open discussion” meeting would be listed as OD (sorry no pun intended) or a “closed speaker” meeting will be listed as CS.
Some are for Men (M) only and some are for Women (W) only. But most meetings are for both men and women. (No designation)
These are only a few of the many different formats of meetings and there should be no difficulty in finding one you enjoy. The most important thing at first is JUST GO! You can fine-tune your meetings at a later date.
Each meeting is listed in a meeting-list indicating the time and place, whether it is open or closed, and the format, along with if smoking is permitted (SMK).
At one time smoking was permitted at just about every AA meeting (and there was a lot of it!). This has changed in recent years and smoking meetings are becoming rare. There are still some out there but they are dwindling fast. Either way, you will usually see quite a few people smoking outside before and after the meeting. And if you are compelled to smoke during the meeting, you can always quietly step outside.
Meetings lists can be obtained at any AA meeting or by downloading one from your local Intergroup office of Alcoholics Anonymous which is linked HERE.
There is no person in authority at an AA meeting. Tradition 2 states, For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority--a loving God as he may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
AA members run all meetings, and all are equal. Because there are “groups of people” meeting, each AA meeting is run by a group. The group is responsible for the meeting, i.e. making the coffee, setting out the chairs, laying out literature. When a person feels ready (at your own choosing), it is suggested that each member join a “home group”, which is just a meeting you enjoy and can relate to.
Having a home group, which meets at the same time and same place each day (or week), adds some consistency to our lives, something that, for me, was sorely lacking.
Although no one is under any obligation to do so, all members of the group are asked to help with meeting duties such as, chairing the meeting, cleaning up after the meeting, putting away coffee supplies and so on. Although one has a “home group”, each AA can attend any and all other meetings they would like.
The first time you walk in the door of an AA meeting with a desire to stop drinking, you are equal to the person who has been coming for twenty years. In fact, there’s a saying in AA that “the most important person in an AA meeting is the “Newcomer.”
There may be a chairperson or two to start the meeting but there is no “Flintstone Grand Pooh-Bah” or anything like it!
All Groups in every Town, City, State or Country follows the Traditions as the Group guidelines. Meeting formats and the exact way each meeting is run may be different in other areas of the country or other countries for that matter. Please keep in mind I am only touching on the basics.
When you arrive at an AA meeting, in most cases you will be warmly welcomed with “Hello’s”, with some groups having a person at the entrance welcoming people. Remember, everybody is there for the same reason! You will not be judged, talked about, or put on the spot. Most AA’s say they felt “at home” in a meeting. This is where I finally felt that I was not alone anymore.
The people I meet in the rooms of AA are some of the warmest, nicest, compassionate I have ever met. I believe you will think the same.
As with any large group of people, everyone will not be your favorite, but as a whole, you will find caring and understanding.
At the beginning of some meetings, the Chairperson may ask, “if this is anyone’s first AA meeting?” You may or may not want to introduce yourself by your FIRST name only (Remember Anonymity). The choice is completely yours.
If you have reservations about whether your Alcoholic or not, or your at an open meeting and “Not Alcoholic”, you could introduce yourself (if you choose to only), “Hi, my name is BraveGiant”.
If you feel comfortable in saying that you are alcoholic, you might say, “Hi, my name is BraveGiant and I am an alcoholic”. In either case, those in attendance will say back to you…”Hi, BraveGiant!” …as a welcome.
This is very important for the new person to understand. Besides giving your FIRST NAME if you choose to, there is nothing else expected of you, unless you want to talk about the particular subject or anything else relating to your life that you have a need to share.
You have every right to just sit back and listen, to get an understanding of the program.
You are among friends. This is your meeting. This is our meeting. Welcome!
BG
DrinkandDrugNoMore.Blogspot.com
I have seen films and T.V. shows depicting a meeting, but other than that, I had no idea. And because of this I was terrified! In the condition I was in, I couldn’t put a few sentences together, let alone “share”.
That’s what this post is designed to do. Give an overview view of the types of AA meetings and my opinion of what’s expected of the newcomer. I have by no means covered every type of meeting. I have only provided a basic understanding, so a person who is thinking about coming to a meeting, may not be as clueless… as I was.
Just as there are 12 Steps for the individual, there are 12 Traditions for the group. These traditions guide all groups and are the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. (You can read all traditions here).
It is called Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason. Anonymity is very important to members and it is taken very seriously. It is imperative that we remember to protect each member’s anonymity. You are asked, …whom you see there, and what you hear there…let it stay there. You will be given the same respect. This is Tradition 12 … Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
The most important thing to remember is …the only requirement for AA membership “is a desire to stop drinking!” Tradition 3 is The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. That’s it; you don’t have to be stopped. You need not have tried a certain number of times to quit drinking before you come. You don’t have to do or be anything. You just need a desire to stop drinking and you are member. YOU say if you’re a member or not!
And yes, there are people who come drunk to their first meetings (like me!). As long as you have a desire…you are welcome.
And of course there are people who are court ordered to attend AA meetings. They may choose to go to an OPEN meeting.
There are two types of AA meetings. They are Open and Closed meetings.
Anyone can go to an open meeting. Certainly someone “with a desire to stop drinking” is always welcome at any meeting, but also the public is invited to attend open meetings. For instance, a public health official who may want to sit in on a meeting to learn about alcoholism, or a student might be required to attend a meeting for a high school health class. Maybe a family member may want to come to a meeting to see what it’s like. All are welcome to attend an Open meeting.
A Closed meeting is held for "anybody who has a desire to stop drinking”. These meetings are for those who want to stop drinking. The closed meeting is designed for one or more people (who have a desire to stop drinking) to talk freely, and feel secure that each person in the room is there for the same reason and can gain support from each other. Meeting attendance can be from two people to over a hundred people.
In meeting list, the Open Meeting is designated (O) and the Closed (C).
There are many different meeting formats. For instance, one may be a Speaker (S) meeting where there is chairperson (someone who opens the meeting) and a speaker who will share (talk about) what they were like, what happened, and what they are like now or as AA’s know it, share their experience, strength and hope.
Another format is a Discussion (D) meeting where the chairperson will open the meeting and then turn the meeting over to those in attendance to share about a particular topic or anything that’s on their mind (heart).
One of my favorite meetings is a Step meeting (ST) based upon the Twelve Steps of AA, where a portion of the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (written by Co-Founder Bill W.) may be read followed by a discussion about that particular Step. Another great meeting is a Big Book meeting (BB), which again starts with reading a portion from the book Alcoholics Anonymous, with a discussion to follow.
Therefore in an AA Meeting List an “open discussion” meeting would be listed as OD (sorry no pun intended) or a “closed speaker” meeting will be listed as CS.
Some are for Men (M) only and some are for Women (W) only. But most meetings are for both men and women. (No designation)
These are only a few of the many different formats of meetings and there should be no difficulty in finding one you enjoy. The most important thing at first is JUST GO! You can fine-tune your meetings at a later date.
Each meeting is listed in a meeting-list indicating the time and place, whether it is open or closed, and the format, along with if smoking is permitted (SMK).
At one time smoking was permitted at just about every AA meeting (and there was a lot of it!). This has changed in recent years and smoking meetings are becoming rare. There are still some out there but they are dwindling fast. Either way, you will usually see quite a few people smoking outside before and after the meeting. And if you are compelled to smoke during the meeting, you can always quietly step outside.
Meetings lists can be obtained at any AA meeting or by downloading one from your local Intergroup office of Alcoholics Anonymous which is linked HERE.
There is no person in authority at an AA meeting. Tradition 2 states, For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority--a loving God as he may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
AA members run all meetings, and all are equal. Because there are “groups of people” meeting, each AA meeting is run by a group. The group is responsible for the meeting, i.e. making the coffee, setting out the chairs, laying out literature. When a person feels ready (at your own choosing), it is suggested that each member join a “home group”, which is just a meeting you enjoy and can relate to.
Having a home group, which meets at the same time and same place each day (or week), adds some consistency to our lives, something that, for me, was sorely lacking.
Although no one is under any obligation to do so, all members of the group are asked to help with meeting duties such as, chairing the meeting, cleaning up after the meeting, putting away coffee supplies and so on. Although one has a “home group”, each AA can attend any and all other meetings they would like.
The first time you walk in the door of an AA meeting with a desire to stop drinking, you are equal to the person who has been coming for twenty years. In fact, there’s a saying in AA that “the most important person in an AA meeting is the “Newcomer.”
There may be a chairperson or two to start the meeting but there is no “Flintstone Grand Pooh-Bah” or anything like it!
All Groups in every Town, City, State or Country follows the Traditions as the Group guidelines. Meeting formats and the exact way each meeting is run may be different in other areas of the country or other countries for that matter. Please keep in mind I am only touching on the basics.
When you arrive at an AA meeting, in most cases you will be warmly welcomed with “Hello’s”, with some groups having a person at the entrance welcoming people. Remember, everybody is there for the same reason! You will not be judged, talked about, or put on the spot. Most AA’s say they felt “at home” in a meeting. This is where I finally felt that I was not alone anymore.
The people I meet in the rooms of AA are some of the warmest, nicest, compassionate I have ever met. I believe you will think the same.
As with any large group of people, everyone will not be your favorite, but as a whole, you will find caring and understanding.
At the beginning of some meetings, the Chairperson may ask, “if this is anyone’s first AA meeting?” You may or may not want to introduce yourself by your FIRST name only (Remember Anonymity). The choice is completely yours.
If you have reservations about whether your Alcoholic or not, or your at an open meeting and “Not Alcoholic”, you could introduce yourself (if you choose to only), “Hi, my name is BraveGiant”.
If you feel comfortable in saying that you are alcoholic, you might say, “Hi, my name is BraveGiant and I am an alcoholic”. In either case, those in attendance will say back to you…”Hi, BraveGiant!” …as a welcome.
This is very important for the new person to understand. Besides giving your FIRST NAME if you choose to, there is nothing else expected of you, unless you want to talk about the particular subject or anything else relating to your life that you have a need to share.
You have every right to just sit back and listen, to get an understanding of the program.
You are among friends. This is your meeting. This is our meeting. Welcome!
BG
DrinkandDrugNoMore.Blogspot.com
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Great posst, BraveGiants. Very helpful.
When I first came into the rooms, I was so scared - of what, I dunno... probably the people. So, inside my head, I just kept repeating to myself, "Just show up and be open, just show up and be open, just show up and be open...." I'd literally say it a hundred times in one night, but it worked! Slowly but surely, I got to know people and they got to know me. Today, wherever there is an AA meeting, I feel welcome.
Here are some meeting tips that helped me the most -
* Look for the similarities, not the differences.
* Talk in the meeting or just say HI to one person. It makes a difference and I feel more connected.
* Try to get there on time and don't run off right away. Stay and wash coffee cups if need be, or just chat with one person.
* Don't leave before the miracle happens and keep coming back - it works for all of those other people with days, months and years of sobriety, so maybe, just mabe, it can work for me, too!
When I first came into the rooms, I was so scared - of what, I dunno... probably the people. So, inside my head, I just kept repeating to myself, "Just show up and be open, just show up and be open, just show up and be open...." I'd literally say it a hundred times in one night, but it worked! Slowly but surely, I got to know people and they got to know me. Today, wherever there is an AA meeting, I feel welcome.
Here are some meeting tips that helped me the most -
* Look for the similarities, not the differences.
* Talk in the meeting or just say HI to one person. It makes a difference and I feel more connected.
* Try to get there on time and don't run off right away. Stay and wash coffee cups if need be, or just chat with one person.
* Don't leave before the miracle happens and keep coming back - it works for all of those other people with days, months and years of sobriety, so maybe, just mabe, it can work for me, too!
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Terrific information from both of you...I hope it will allay some of the fears newcomers may have about going to meetings.
Personally, I loved the meetings from the very beginning...AA people, for the most part, are the greatest!
Personally, I loved the meetings from the very beginning...AA people, for the most part, are the greatest!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Well I must say I concur with everything said so far, being an alkie you know I have to add my 2 cents worth. There are some meeting where they go around the room everyone taking thier turn sharing.
If you have nothing to say or are uncomfortable sharing it is perfectly fine to say "Hi I am Martin an alcoholic and I will just be listening to night". My sponsor has been sober for 18 years and he goes through times where he always says that, he has told me you can not learn anything if you are talking and not listening.
I have also heard it put this way "Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" LOL
My sponsor suggested that I not share for 3 months, he told me if I was not thinking about what I was going to say I would hear more..... as usual he was right.
If you have nothing to say or are uncomfortable sharing it is perfectly fine to say "Hi I am Martin an alcoholic and I will just be listening to night". My sponsor has been sober for 18 years and he goes through times where he always says that, he has told me you can not learn anything if you are talking and not listening.
I have also heard it put this way "Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" LOL
My sponsor suggested that I not share for 3 months, he told me if I was not thinking about what I was going to say I would hear more..... as usual he was right.
BraveGiant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10
Good Job, Passing when a discussion goes around the room is not only okay, but as Tazman53 has well said, it is often prudent. C'mon Friends, what else? Let's arm the newcomer with knowledge we might not have had.
BG
BG
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
At the beginning of some meetings, the Chairperson may ask, “if this is anyone’s first AA meeting?” You may or may not want to introduce yourself by your FIRST name only (Remember Anonymity). The choice is completely yours.
For a few years I was constantly having a lot of difficulty finding people to visit in the hospital, or attending funerals of AA members or their immediate family. So, I began to follow the example of oldtimers who had been around since the very beginning of AA, and would introduce myself by my full name.
But, understand that I had been sober for a while, was comfortable in letting my fellow AA's know exactly who I was...and, except for being careful not to break anyone else's anonymity, I really didn't much care who knew I was sober through AA. Again, it's a personal choice.
Also, it's OK to just say, "My name is rae, and I don't want to drink today." Remember, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." I knew a gal who had mucho years of sobriety, and I never heard her refer to herself as an alcoholic...I don't know why...but, she was very active in her group, and I never heard that anyone ever called her on it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 396
Thanks for this post. I am one who has a difficult time at AA meetings. What do you do when someone (especially someone who has been sober for a long time) comments on your passing up the option to speak. Like I've gone to this AA meeting 5 times in a row. Its the kind where they go around the room and expect everyone to say something. "I'd always say, Hi I'm rose and I'm an alcholic. I'm new to this and I'm here to lisen." Which I thought was appropriate cause way back in 1993 when I did get a sponsor she said that was an okay thing to say if I had nothing to say. On my fifth day the guy with lots of sobriety (and lots of things to say all the time) pretended to cough and said said BULLSH#T. Then when it was his turn said that if people don't use these meetings to share, blah blah blah. Then the charlie brown teacher kicked in and I was gone. As some of you know I'v had some bad experiences through AA and I know I cannot do this alone. So, what do you do with the one's that have truly stayed sober but are kinda I don't know. I want to say BOSSY. Does that sound bad. Please let me know if I'm out of line. And I apologize again if I'm being a jerk. I just find AA so much like school. You either fit or you don't. I know I fit because I'm a drunk. But am I the drunk that can learn. Some people in school could learn and some people couldn't.
P.S. I'm the one who analyzes too damn much.
P.S. I'm the one who analyzes too damn much.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Your previous sponsor makes a good point. All newcomers have to share is their drunk-alog. It's best to listen until you have something to bring to the meeting. Of course, by just being there, you are reminding the sober ones what it's like out there, and giving them an opportunity to 12 step.
That B***T comment was out of line, IMO. As was his share.
Analyzing things too much is a common trait a lot of us share. As is sensitivity
I would go back, pretend nothing happened, and when it's my turn, repeat what I said last time. "Hi I'm [Insert your name here] and I'm an alcoholic. I'm new to this and I'm here to listen"
That B***T comment was out of line, IMO. As was his share.
Analyzing things too much is a common trait a lot of us share. As is sensitivity
I would go back, pretend nothing happened, and when it's my turn, repeat what I said last time. "Hi I'm [Insert your name here] and I'm an alcoholic. I'm new to this and I'm here to listen"
BraveGiant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10
Sorry you had that experience OnceNice, please keep in mind there are a people in AA that suffer from Alcoholism with the key word being "ism". I have hurt people's feelings in meetings with out meaning too. I certainly apologized when I found out about it. Believe or not that guy (I'm sure you have a better name for him), was trying to help by getting you to share. Heart was in the right place, but "ism" got in the way. Frankly, it still does for me. I need to take from the meeting what's positive and leave the rest. If I never went back to AA because somebody hurt my feelings..who would really be hurt.
I'm just trying to say, we have to be able to overlook certain things for the sake of our sobriety. Live and Let live!
BG
I'm just trying to say, we have to be able to overlook certain things for the sake of our sobriety. Live and Let live!
BG
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
On my fifth day the guy with lots of sobriety (and lots of things to say all the time) pretended to cough and said said BULLSH#T.
There's another one, too: "Some are sicker than others." Remember, you're dealing with a lot of different personalities in AA...I'd say this one is more arrogant than bossy. Sad to say, I've seen this type go back out, because they thought they had all the answers and were too busy watching what others were doing, instead of learning from the newcomers.
If it sounds like I'm taking his inventory...it's OK...he was certainly taking yours. He needs a lesson in humility. Whatever you do, don't let him (or anyone else) keep you from attending a meeting. Just keep doing what you're doing until you feel comfortable saying more...if he makes any more comments like that, say something like, "Thank you...I appreciate all of your encouragement." Oh, and pray for him...you'll be the better person for it.
Just remember this lesson when the day comes that you are an oldtimer, and there's a newcomer at the meeting who needs to be made to feel welcome and comfortable in AA! Don't laugh...it'll happen!
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
Thank you for this helpful post. I feel rather silly, as I have been attending meetings but never been to a closed one. I have been bumbling about, womderin ghow one gets invited to join a closed group ... and wondering about all the secrey around lol. And *duh* it just means no guests.
Well ... learn something new every day, eh?
I guess now I'll go check one out and share that little bit.
BTW, I have never been to a meeting where people were forced to share. Some times the chair will call on someone he knows, or on a newbie that introduced themselves as in the first 30 days, but it's always been respected if someone prefers not to speak. I try to speak at every meeting I go to now, but 20 days ago I would have fled from a meeting if I was expected to speak.
Well ... learn something new every day, eh?
I guess now I'll go check one out and share that little bit.
BTW, I have never been to a meeting where people were forced to share. Some times the chair will call on someone he knows, or on a newbie that introduced themselves as in the first 30 days, but it's always been respected if someone prefers not to speak. I try to speak at every meeting I go to now, but 20 days ago I would have fled from a meeting if I was expected to speak.
BraveGiant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10
Just to be clear, I know of no meeting where someone is "forced to share." Could be one out there?....but....I'd say find another meeting. The bottom line is...you have every right to introduce yourself or not introduce yourself. You have every right to share or not share. Be comfortable and at home.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Bella Vista, Ar
Posts: 50
Boy there are alot of sick folks out there. I too had a bad experiance at a meeting with under 10 days in. Fortunatly I had been around the program to know that he was the rarity.
I was visiting with a friend at a candlelight meeting last night and he told of a time that he was chairing an open disc. meeting and read a passage from the BB and a member with 25 yrs, spoke up and mentioned that the group concience had already decided that this was a discussion meeting not a BB study.
I told my friend that the preamble tells we should listen to anything that can't be reconsiled with the BB. If I can't read a passage at any time during the meeting that is a meeting that I don't belong in.
Scot
I was visiting with a friend at a candlelight meeting last night and he told of a time that he was chairing an open disc. meeting and read a passage from the BB and a member with 25 yrs, spoke up and mentioned that the group concience had already decided that this was a discussion meeting not a BB study.
I told my friend that the preamble tells we should listen to anything that can't be reconsiled with the BB. If I can't read a passage at any time during the meeting that is a meeting that I don't belong in.
Scot
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