McGoolie

My husband will mark 90 days of sobriety next week. He goes to AA daily.

Over the past couple of weeks, he's seen a big increase in his anxiety, which is scaring him. He also says that he is having disturbing dreams. My husband has never been violent towards me or our son, but he recently dreamed that he choked our son. Then a day later, he said that while he was awake he looked at our son and thought, "wow, he has a skinny neck."

This is causing him to think that he is mentally ill. I don't know what to tell him, but I did say he should talk to his sponsor about it. He's looking to me for reassurance (I suffer from anxiety).

Advice?

elizabeth1979

Well of course you dont, you are not an alcoholic or a doctor! Anxiety is different in all people. What it does to you may not have any similarities in what it does in him.

If it was my husband, I would tell him Im not the person to ask and suggest he talk to a doctor.

WantsOut

Tell him to go to the doctor not just to treat whatever might be going on with him, but to make sure this isn't a manipulation. "If you don't let me drink I'm going to scare you! I'll go crazy! See, isn't it really better when I drink?" I have no idea of course if anything like that could be going on, but I have seen crazier things happen through the course of serious addiction.

ICU

I've heard that this is not uncommon; especially when new in sobriety. Many, many people shared they experienced violent and disturbing nightmares in some of the open AA mtgs. I've attended. Some would even dream about drinking when they didn't consciously think about it during waking hours.

It might be something he should bring up in his AA mtgs. and if that doesn't ease his mind, perhaps consult with a therapist as well.

McGoolie

Thanks. He had a physical in December and getting him to go back to the doctor so soon (like within 5 years) will be close to impossible. Men!

I don't think this is a manipulation on his part. He hasn't suggested wanting to drink. Personally, I think that he's facing some of the demons he's always had but self-medicated for 30 years. Prior to stopping drinking, he claimed that he didn't dream, I guess because he could never remember them.

It took a lot for him to talk to me about this. He's very private (as am I). I don't think he's mentally ill, but he clearly suffers from some anxiety. He said that he asked one of people at AA who had spoken about her anxiety about it, and she said that it increased for her at around the 3 month mark too. I was wondering if anyone here had experience with anything similar.

Astro

I can't say for sure whether I had the dreams or not, but at two months sober I started having anxiety attacks. After seeing a doctor I came to understand that this was the result of trying to deal with life sober after 27 years of drinking. I tried several anti-depression/anti-anxiety meds and finally was prescribed EffexorXR for one year. The anxiety attacks stopped immediately, and after a couple months I functioned pretty normally.

If I could suggest anything it would be that your husband see a doctor or therapist. What you're describing sounds pretty normal for an alcoholic in recovery, but it's best to let a professional determine that.

HolyQow

I've been having strange dreams lately too......and I am not the A. I believe my dreams are what occurred during the day, what I read, what I saw on TV, or who I saw that day. I don't know if it's more common with an alcoholic, recovering alcoholic, or someone that is just under stress about something.

I notice the dreams are particulary worse when I have trouble going to sleep, then when I finally sleep it's terrible stuff that just keeps waking me up...

I also read that an alcoholic never gets to the dream state, so when they quit drinking, they start dreaming again, and can remember the dreams....

Last night I dreamt that my daughter was missing, even though she was right there a second ago, and my ex showed up with the police, because they were blaming me, then we all found her dead......and I woke up here. I finally go back to sleep, and I dreamt that we (husband, kids, and I) were all on a family vacation with husband's family....littlest son said a bad word, and mother-in-law reached for the soap to wash his mouth out, and I stepped in, took the soap and told her no....then it flips to everyone putting on coats and getting ready to leave, but no one would speak to me, or tell me where we were going....so I let them all leave without me.....and I woke up....

Analyse that and your husband's dream seems normal, lol.

One of our friend's brother died this weekend , and I saw where a girl in California is missing. I also watched the court proceedings of a wife that is accused of poisoning her husband. These do not make for good dreams later.

I doubt he would have ever looked at son's neck before....I can bet that anyone reading this, will look at their kids neck today....as it was placed in our minds just like his dream was. So watch what goes on during the day, and see if that is effecting his dreams. I am anti- any kind of medication, but if he finds one that works, like Astro did, then it might be worth trying. So many side effects to so many drugs now-a-days, seems risky. I have also heard that an addict will replace one addiction for another.....so I would see how addictive any antianxiety meds, or sleep meds are before starting a new problem.

Astro

Ah yes, my ex threw that one at me when I told her about the Effexor. If I remember correctly her words were: "you can't function without putting some chemical into your body". I should've mentioned that if your husband does see a doctor it's very important that he mentions that he's an addict in recovery. EffexorXR is non-addictive, as are many anti-anxiety meds.

Thanks for the reminder, HQ.

Scott

GlassPrisoner

I'm pushing 80 days here, and have experienced those symptoms. People I talk to in AA also identify with these, I would consider them normal.

However, working the steps has greatly reduced my anxiety and depression, almost to nothing. They've been replaced with peace and serenity. Is your husband working the program ? (Sponsor, steps, etc)

Also, don't rule out a doctors help. I really don't think this is manipulation. It takes the body , mind, and spirit a long time to heal.

dogandbooklover

I know that when my husband, Christopher, the alcoholic in my life, stops drinking for any period of time or simply cuts way back on his alcohol consumption, that he starts having terrible anxiety attacks and nightmares. His nightmares aren't violent, at least not the ones he can remember and tells me about, but they are bad enough in other ways. So, in my experience these two occurances, anxiety attacks and disturbing dreams, are normal.

My husband also suffers from depression (I've had my bouts as well) so I know that this is also a cause of those particular disturbing symptoms.

Advice? Well, if you can get him to a doctor that would be best. I know how NOT easy that is though! ;-)

dogandbooklover

This definitely seems to be the case. My husband's sleep pattern is like this. He never gets a true deep sleep while drinking. When he finally does get there when he quits drinking or drastically reduces his drinking the nightmares start up. But, he also has very good, pleasant dreams at this time as well. I believe it's simply because he is actually getting a deep sleep where dreaming is possible.

NoChoice

"you can't function without putting some chemical into your body"

You reminded me that my exAH told me that all the time...vitamins, asprin, antidepressents, Tylenol pm (right before I left, that was the only way I could get any sleep at all). That is just another example of how he blamed me for things to take the emphasis off of him.

Thanks