jjohnson323

Hello All,
I've been debating lately if I should move. I currently live in Wisconsin in the same town with my AH's family. Everyone knows that we are going to get a divorce and of course I'm the bad guy (or gal). My family lives primarily in Arkansas (a 12 + hour drive south). I live in the house that my husband grew up in and he plans on keeping it, but the kids and I can use it since he is in the military and there are no military bases nearby.
I know that it's a nice house and my son who is speech delayed is receiving therapy through his preschool here, which is wonderful. I can't help but think the question "Why am I here?". I'm in his house, in a town with his family (that doesn't like me).
What has topped it off for me is the fact that my son is going to be having his 1st birthday this month, my AH is also coming here to visit for two weeks. I invited his family to come over for the birthday celebration and found out that my sister-in-law wants to throw my son's first birthday party at her house without me. So no one is planning on showing up for the party that I'm throwing for him at our house. I know that this is a first of many hurtful family occasions that happen after a divorce, so why am I letting myself live in a town with people that I now are not going to accept me and continually exclude me from my own kids special celebrations.
Janie

elizabeth1979

Hi Jjohnson323,
Im sorry this is happeneing. Its so hurtful I am sure.

Only you can answer that, but it was important for me to be comfortable in my surroundings after my split. I was more comfortable moving, some are more comfortable staying. What do you think would be better for you?

Nuudawn

Yes, this is one of those questions only you can answer. But from what I read, it sounds like an environment that remains painful...the wounds are still being picked at. Hard to heal that way.
Blessings to ya,
T.

embraced2000

sorry your in-laws are being so mean spirited...they are thinking only of themselves and not what is healthy for your child....what would be healthy for your child is to see his family together for his birthday....even if there are conflicts amongst the adults. too bad they cannot set that aside to make his celebration truly about him.

maybe they will mellow in time. maybe they won't.

seems to me, they could attend both parties, just to be civil, if nothing else. how cruel for them to plan this way.

can you invite other mommies that have babies to come to your party????

elizabeth1979

I have to respectfully disagree here. Well, maybe not disagree, but I dont think any of us can make that judgement call about anothers family.

Sometimes, seeing family together is not healthy for children, when lots of dysfunction is present.
Just my 2 cents

embraced2000

i agree liz....maybe i didn't word that right....

what i meant to say, was that it's the adults responsibility to join together and work together to do what's best for the child....apparently her in laws are not going to do that right now.

i guess that's something that comes much later down the road...

when i divorced my childrens father, he still came to all events and so did his family....even after i was remarried.....we remained united as far as parenting our children....we agreed from day one to not make our children suffer because we decided not to stay married.

aggghhhhhh....what i'm wanting to convey, just isn't coming out right....

jeri

elizabeth1979

I gotcha Embraced
Thanks for the re-word, Im following now!

lilac

(((Hugs to you))) So sorry that you are having to go through this.........

It is a shame that the adults can't at least make a united front for the sake of the kids...............Only you can decide when and if it is right for you to move.

I will be thinking of you !