It Made Me Laugh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
It Made Me Laugh
Oh I must be loosing it!!! I am sitting here laughing – but I haven’t done that for weeks and I am not sure if it is because I am emotionally drained and tired of crying or if it’s is just funny. Either way it feels good just to laugh.
Today I have been trying once again to sort my thoughts about me, what I want, want I need. I signed onto the forum to read the posts and responses - as usual I had an immediate connection because I feel and think the way so many of you do. I was reading the posts from Minah and Texas Girl about expectations.
T came up quietly behind me and said what are you doing? I didn’t hear him but I didn’t want him to see what I was reading so I minimized the window. He could see the little bar at the bottom and because I was right in the middle of reading Minah’s post the word “expectations” was showing on the toolbar.
He immediately accused me of being at a singles website. I told him honestly that I was at a website forum where a lot of alanon members share thoughts and information. He said some guy he works with goes to a singles website called expectations and things come in the mail from them. News to me since he checks the mail everyday but I told him I need another relationship like I need a boil on my butt.
So he started questioning me on why it’s so secret – like the notebook I write in all the time. I do write in a notebook, my thoughts and feelings each day, something my therapist said might help and it does. I caught him last week trying to read it when he didn’t hear me coming up the stairs so now I hide it when I’m home and take it with me in the car when I leave, he’s noticed that too.
Knowing he was cheated on in the past and is insecure I felt bad so I explained to him that it is something I need to do privately, a place for me to be where others understand and support what I am going through and how I feel, just like the alanon meetings.
He responded with that when I am doing things secretly it’s like hiding things behind his back and he’s not sure he can trust me. I just looked at him in disbelief and said you know you have a lot of nerve, you have been having an serious affair with the bottle for the last 5 years and now you can’t stand it when you quit drinking and I am not dropping to me knees in thankfulness.
I told him that just getting treatment isn’t enough, he is still behaving and thinking like an alcoholic and as long as he continues that I will continue to do whatever I need to do to help myself whether it seems secretive or not.
I then told him if he wants to know what I say to all of you, what I say at alanon meetings or what I am writing in my journal all he has to do is sit down, carry on a meaningful conversation with me and truly try to understand how I feel instead of using the I don’t have to deal with anything that happened before I quit drinking response.
He didn’t like my attitude and I didn’t like his so he left and went to visit a friend.
I sat here somewhat bewildered for a few minutes and then I remembered a thread a while back about someone being accused of having cybersex at this forum. It hit my funny bone and I just started laughing.
Are they all like this? Do they all quit drinking and all the sudden they think there is a conspiracy against them? Why are they so insecure yet so obstinate?
Since I am finding this so humorous – I am hoping that by just being able to laugh instead of being p***** off - I just climbed over a stumbling block. At any rate, it was good for me and now I am going to go have a cigarette.
Today I have been trying once again to sort my thoughts about me, what I want, want I need. I signed onto the forum to read the posts and responses - as usual I had an immediate connection because I feel and think the way so many of you do. I was reading the posts from Minah and Texas Girl about expectations.
T came up quietly behind me and said what are you doing? I didn’t hear him but I didn’t want him to see what I was reading so I minimized the window. He could see the little bar at the bottom and because I was right in the middle of reading Minah’s post the word “expectations” was showing on the toolbar.
He immediately accused me of being at a singles website. I told him honestly that I was at a website forum where a lot of alanon members share thoughts and information. He said some guy he works with goes to a singles website called expectations and things come in the mail from them. News to me since he checks the mail everyday but I told him I need another relationship like I need a boil on my butt.
So he started questioning me on why it’s so secret – like the notebook I write in all the time. I do write in a notebook, my thoughts and feelings each day, something my therapist said might help and it does. I caught him last week trying to read it when he didn’t hear me coming up the stairs so now I hide it when I’m home and take it with me in the car when I leave, he’s noticed that too.
Knowing he was cheated on in the past and is insecure I felt bad so I explained to him that it is something I need to do privately, a place for me to be where others understand and support what I am going through and how I feel, just like the alanon meetings.
He responded with that when I am doing things secretly it’s like hiding things behind his back and he’s not sure he can trust me. I just looked at him in disbelief and said you know you have a lot of nerve, you have been having an serious affair with the bottle for the last 5 years and now you can’t stand it when you quit drinking and I am not dropping to me knees in thankfulness.
I told him that just getting treatment isn’t enough, he is still behaving and thinking like an alcoholic and as long as he continues that I will continue to do whatever I need to do to help myself whether it seems secretive or not.
I then told him if he wants to know what I say to all of you, what I say at alanon meetings or what I am writing in my journal all he has to do is sit down, carry on a meaningful conversation with me and truly try to understand how I feel instead of using the I don’t have to deal with anything that happened before I quit drinking response.
He didn’t like my attitude and I didn’t like his so he left and went to visit a friend.
I sat here somewhat bewildered for a few minutes and then I remembered a thread a while back about someone being accused of having cybersex at this forum. It hit my funny bone and I just started laughing.
Are they all like this? Do they all quit drinking and all the sudden they think there is a conspiracy against them? Why are they so insecure yet so obstinate?
Since I am finding this so humorous – I am hoping that by just being able to laugh instead of being p***** off - I just climbed over a stumbling block. At any rate, it was good for me and now I am going to go have a cigarette.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hey day.....glad yer laughin girl!!!! you needed a good ole belly laugh. yeah, my x accused me of having cyber sex because i was on this forum when he popped in my office one day....it just flabbergasted me.
honestly, my experience with all this bs for the past many years has left me such a mess, i could care less....ya know what i mean???? it's like, yea, sure, with all my left over energy, my wonderful mind set, my appealing looks since i let myself go to hell through the past couple years, and my mesmerizing allure......hell ya.....i'm really OUT THERE, having affairs, and cyber sex. oh puh--llleeeezzzzzeeee!!!!!! lololo
good to from you again, day.....keep strong
love to you
jeri
honestly, my experience with all this bs for the past many years has left me such a mess, i could care less....ya know what i mean???? it's like, yea, sure, with all my left over energy, my wonderful mind set, my appealing looks since i let myself go to hell through the past couple years, and my mesmerizing allure......hell ya.....i'm really OUT THERE, having affairs, and cyber sex. oh puh--llleeeezzzzzeeee!!!!!! lololo
good to from you again, day.....keep strong
love to you
jeri
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
I know this has nothing to do with the situation...
but you writing in your notebook reminded me of the scene in "Rainman" when Ray is writing in his journal about "serious injuries" and his brother grabs the notebook saying "what is this!?"
And to answer your question, Yes I think they are all the same! Nosey and paranoid. But that is my experience only. xabf prides himself on his "powers of observation" which are really just that he's intrusive. Looking at anything that is around, mail, perscriptions, glove box. And making assumptions and accusations.
but you writing in your notebook reminded me of the scene in "Rainman" when Ray is writing in his journal about "serious injuries" and his brother grabs the notebook saying "what is this!?"
And to answer your question, Yes I think they are all the same! Nosey and paranoid. But that is my experience only. xabf prides himself on his "powers of observation" which are really just that he's intrusive. Looking at anything that is around, mail, perscriptions, glove box. And making assumptions and accusations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by dayxday 
Are they all like this? Do they all quit drinking and all the sudden they think there is a conspiracy against them? Why are they so insecure yet so obstinate?
Heck: my xAH hasn't quit and he STILL thinks the world is against him specifically (as if it was some giant plan) when everything is not just how he feels it should be...ha
p.s. Sorry you are in this insanity, but glad you were able to enjoy some laughter...it feels great!,doesn't it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
Embraced - yes it was a laughter just like that. Started as the giggles and then turned into a big ol belly laugh.
Jeeezzzz - he has to see what a mess I am right now. Not even counting the crap I am dealing with his addiction I have so much on my plate right now how could he even think I could find time for a date.
Sketcher - your comments set off the light bulbs. Until he suggested today about the on line dating I didn't even realize all the other things, yep he has been opening the mail - an envelope came from my attorney, I think he knew I would be real PO'd if he opened it but he admitted to holding up to the light to see what it was. The pharmacy called to say my RX's were ready and he wanted to know what they were. Told me to be careful because men go to AA and alanon meetings to try to pick up the vulnerable women, caught him checking my cell phone to see who I had been talking to - the list goes on.
Pick-A-Name, yes it is a giant plan. The plan is for all of us to get well and let them learn how to handle their own problems. When they see us changing and the determination in our voice and expressions it must feel like a personal attack on them.
Mallowcup – I wish he could read things from the forum, I go to AA meetings also and listening helps me to be more open minded about his addiction. I don’t want to tell him the name of this forum, but I think I will ask him to go to an alanon meeting with me since I have gone to AA meetings with him. Then maybe he could see the other side of the coin.
The family counselor at the treatment center had spoken of these types of behaviors. I was thinking he would be different because he seemed so remorseful, lost and vulnerable while he was there.
Something I said earlier must have got to him. He came back for about 15 minutes and said he was going to a meeting and would be home in a few hours.
Jeeezzzz - he has to see what a mess I am right now. Not even counting the crap I am dealing with his addiction I have so much on my plate right now how could he even think I could find time for a date.
Sketcher - your comments set off the light bulbs. Until he suggested today about the on line dating I didn't even realize all the other things, yep he has been opening the mail - an envelope came from my attorney, I think he knew I would be real PO'd if he opened it but he admitted to holding up to the light to see what it was. The pharmacy called to say my RX's were ready and he wanted to know what they were. Told me to be careful because men go to AA and alanon meetings to try to pick up the vulnerable women, caught him checking my cell phone to see who I had been talking to - the list goes on.
Pick-A-Name, yes it is a giant plan. The plan is for all of us to get well and let them learn how to handle their own problems. When they see us changing and the determination in our voice and expressions it must feel like a personal attack on them.
Mallowcup – I wish he could read things from the forum, I go to AA meetings also and listening helps me to be more open minded about his addiction. I don’t want to tell him the name of this forum, but I think I will ask him to go to an alanon meeting with me since I have gone to AA meetings with him. Then maybe he could see the other side of the coin.
The family counselor at the treatment center had spoken of these types of behaviors. I was thinking he would be different because he seemed so remorseful, lost and vulnerable while he was there.
Something I said earlier must have got to him. He came back for about 15 minutes and said he was going to a meeting and would be home in a few hours.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
I had this great idea, LOL I was going to suggest you type expectations in the address bar, and I felt a long list would come up you could offer to let him read.
Thought I best check first. WOW, want black condoms?? andall kinds of wild stuff?? NOT a good idea. Maybe a diff search engine?
Tried Google search, top on the list was same as other,YUCK, rest was Movies, lit etc. Well I tried to help.
Nasty stuff!
Thought I best check first. WOW, want black condoms?? andall kinds of wild stuff?? NOT a good idea. Maybe a diff search engine?
Tried Google search, top on the list was same as other,YUCK, rest was Movies, lit etc. Well I tried to help.
Nasty stuff!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
When I moved out of our house, AH accused me of getting "another boil" for myself........whatever.............he was enough.
I have also minimized when he came into the room, but I wonder if my posts might enlighten him even more?
I have also minimized when he came into the room, but I wonder if my posts might enlighten him even more?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
zoey....tooo funny!!!!! lol
yep, lilac....like we would want to do THAT again!!!!!! my lands, why would we want to replace someone as special as they were!!!! lololo
how are you doing today, day?????
jeri
yep, lilac....like we would want to do THAT again!!!!!! my lands, why would we want to replace someone as special as they were!!!! lololo
how are you doing today, day?????
jeri
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
I don't know about you all but I find posting here curiously arousing, especially when I talk about all the times he was passed out and smelled like sour beer. Wow! I'd better stop, I'm already flushed!
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