sketscher

feel sick, the adrenaline is raging through me. But I did something brave and unlike me. I went off on him!! after kindly trying to explain my situation and him saying "at least you life hasn't changed any...you got that going for you" trying pull the guilt card for him getting a divorce.

I raised my voice. I said firmly and with anger

"YOU made that decision. It's not my fault, it's not her fault. You said you didn't want to be married to her. I never asked you to do anything!! I never said I didn't want to be with you but you lied to both of us! it was all f***ing lies. You just didn't want to be married because you were unhappy because YOU ARE unhappy. And you know who's fault that is? it's that alcohol — (this was worded rather awkwardly). — I'm done with it. I'm through with the insults and the lies and the abuse! so you can just stop calling me"

he said ok. I said thank you. he hung up.

This is a real big step for me. Sticking up for myself!!! In the past I've been afraid that he wouldn't love me anymore. Afraid that hurting his feelings would damage our relationship.

I no longer care about saving a relationship with a SELFISH LYING CHEATER who has the audacity to think he can continue to use someone he doesn't even love! um sorry bud, I'm done with that dysfunction! He's not going to get away with treating me like sh** me behind a veil of addiction anymore. NO ONE IS!

dollydo

There you go, feels good doesn't it?

Now, stick to your guns, don't answer the phone...it's over.

Dolly

embraced2000

hey sketscher!!....bravo!!!! you deserve so much more than what he is able to give to you. and ain't it wonderful to finally reach that understanding that you are "worth it"??

he has many issues at hand....alcohol, and a wife to name two....and a desire to not commit.....either to his wife, or to you. now that you have made the decision to not accept his presence in your life as a partner of any sorts, you can focus on yourself....

again...bravo for you!!!!

and much love to you
jeri

sketscher

Jeri,

I have been doing really good. Feeling good. Been having some nightmares about him. But other than that I have finally come out of the fog of my own low self esteem. Hard to explain and I know it's not like "I'm cured!" but this week I really did begin to see that I am worth more. I've been exercising and styling my hair and bought a few clothes that actually fit. Accepting that I am worth those things instead of neglecting myself as I have been.

embraced2000

(((((sketscher)))))))

i'm so happy for you....good for you!!!! it does feel good to wake up outta the fog.

one of the first things i did when i came out of the fog was to go the the doc for a thorough check up. i swore to them i had a mammogram just the year before....and actually believed i had....well, it had been 4 years!!!!! i swear, it seemed like just yesterday cause in a sense, i lost about 4 years of my life in the fog.

then i went to the dentist, and eye doc. all of that resulted in many apnts. and after about 6 months, i was all done. it was great!!!!!

good job on exercising, your new hairstyle, and new clothes....YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!!

love to you
jeri

deax

sketscher I'm so happy for you that you're feeling so strong and found your voice with him! Just keep in mind that this is where the hard part really starts. In my experience it went like this: you say your piece, set your boundary, knowing you're doing the right thing for yourself-- and then when that high wears off and things get quiet, the doubts and fears come and you start second-guessing yourself, right around the time your phone starts ringing with some voice mail designed to make you feel guilty. For me, that was the real work- not engaging in it all again. But for now you sound great--just take it one day at a time and do whatever it is you need to do to keep yourself there.
(hugs)

minuet

sketcher....

you must be reading my mind. I just did the same thing too.

Nuudawn

Hooray for you Sketscher...I'm so happy for ya. Let the healing begin....
T.

lilac

Good for you!!!!!! Start taking care of yourself....((HUGS))