minuet

Good morning....

I had finally had enough of his behavior and confronted him while he was in one of his "Inappropriate rages". Now I truly know what that term means.

Again he solely focused on my problems and told him over and over, FOCUS ON YOURSELF. and he went on and on and so I repeated my self over and over. Finally when he has nothing more to say and knows I'm right he resorts to name calling. I tell him to grow up and stop acting like a 3 year old.

I tell him his rages are not helping and his latest fiasco and he has the balls to say HE DOES NOT NEED MEDICATION. I DO. Well, you dumb F***, I am taking medication, I AM COMPLIANT, what are you doing besides making my life hell? I've rearranged my entire life? For what? S***???? He says I've made his life hell. I said NO YOU MADE YOUR LIFE HELL.

I kept calling him on his crap and told him to do whatever he wanted to do and I didn't care. I told him NO ONE was going to put up with his crap for as long as I have. So put up or shut up.

I also informed him that I informed condo security about him and I can have him forceably removed and tossed into the street and if he tries to enter the premises again HE WILL BE ARRESTED if he doesn't get his S*** together.


Bottom line is WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME if I allow your A** to stay here.

Time to play hard ball
I've had enough

kindredSpiritGr

You Go Girl!

minuet

Have you heard that song from the broadway musical, "He had it commin'"
or something like that.

Time to pay the piper.

kindredSpiritGr

The song that always enters my mind is from the seventies its called "i will survive". I dont know who sings it. But I sing the hell out of that song when ive taken enouph crap.

minuet

I'm old I remember that song. Kind of mellow for me. =) Listen to the one from Chicago.

Susan

embraced2000

hi minuet and kindred

sometimes our own anger can be a positive motivator to help us get moving....then i had to figure out....in what direction do i go???? for a long long time, i stayed in anger....felt like it was all i had left.

then i found al-anon. it helped me move past the hurt and anger.

love to you
jeri

kindredSpiritGr

Ya your right. I have many pi**ed off songs. I like the new one from evanesence called "you never call me when your sober".

kindredSpiritGr

Im not there yet embraced Im still in it and im still angry and im still in love. Im messed up and Pi**ed off.

minuet

Hi.

I feel like there is nothing left already. I just don't care. I'm tired of caring. What has it done for me? Nothing. I'm damned if I do and damned if don't and I told him all this last night.

Christ I had him begging at one point. I think he is realizing how disgusted i am with him.

I'll let go of the anger and deal with what needs to be dealt with. I just have to get there and it looks like its happening.

I'm tired of being an enabler.

minuet

hahaha. I love evanesence and I've heard that song too!

minuet

Hey,

I am fast falling out of love.

I want him to start accepting responsibility and do something. I know I can't make him do it but he's seeing the consequences.

No one has ever called him on his S*** before. But I will.

gelfling

I'll share one word with you...one that had me stumped for years and took a long time to learn and one which I'm still trying to master..."detachment". Give it a shot. Giving him room in your head will drain you physically and emotionally.

Blessings

embraced2000

it's tough to get there....took me over 2 years....i'm a slow learner...lol

i still have moments that i can zip back to it all and spiral right down into the pits of hell all over again....but those moments are getting fewer and farther between.

i found that i was trying to reason with the most absurd behaviors...trying to make sense out of nonsense. it just made me crazy.....real crazy. one of the hardest things i have ever done, was to accept that the man i was in love with, was no longer really there.

it was the addiction i was dealing with.....not the man. and the addiction was kicking my a$$ just as the same as it was kicking his.

lordy, what a ride!!!! don't want to buy another ticket for that ride ever again.

i still love my x, but he is so lost into his addiction that i cannot have him in my life.

it took a lot of painful work for me to accept that.

love to you
jeri

criss-cross

You know what my ringtone on my cell phone is -
"Don't cry to me, if you loved me, you would be here with me" -
Unfortunately it doesn't include the last title line - 'You never call me when you're sober - (you only want me when/'cause it's over)' - Evanesence

Everyone at work knows when he calls though too.

denny57

I finally learned focus on yourself, meant me, not the guy I thought had the problem. I took a good hard look at myself and realized "I" was out of control. AH was doing what he wanted, I was not. Who needed to change in the dynamic? Me.

The anger can be debilitating. I had to learn over and over that I was asking someone else to change when I was not willing to change myself. Once I understood just how hard it was, I had compassion for the addiction and let it go.

I'd try to remove myself from the situation for a short time to get my bearings.

((()))

kindredSpiritGr

I call mine on his crap but I have a hard time with the boundries. I tend to fold under his anger. That is why I said "you go girl." When I see a woman being strong I am happy for her kinda like watching the rocky movie and hes been taking a beating and then hes just had enouph, and the kick a** music starts playing and your like "YAAA KICK HIS A**." Im so happy for someone especially women when they find the strength to say enouph is enouph.

minuet

Hi

Well said. I suppose two years is a long time but we all have to get there in our own time. A lot of my friends that I confide in support me and realize that I have to get there on my own and whatever consequences happen I am partially responsible for letting it happen. Don't consider yourself slow. Love is blind. We all want to think our love will conquer all but when your battling something like alcoholism and addiction you can't do it on your own.
I've started to accept that and I'm drained.

I'm slowly beginning the detachment and seperation. He needs to do something to save us. Nothing I do is ever enough.

minuet

Yup I plan to

minuet

You will find it if you want to. Like Embraced said we get there in our own time.

minuet

[QUOTE=denny57;1165192]I finally learned focus on yourself, meant me, not the guy I thought had the problem. I took a good hard look at myself and realized "I" was out of control. AH was doing what he wanted, I was not. Who needed to change in the dynamic? Me.

also...that's an interesting point. I can only change me. Not him.

that i have accepted. I'm trying to take care of me...