dealing with brother in law's death
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 2
dealing with brother in law's death
Hello everyone,
Wow I am so grateful for a place to write my words. It has been a loooonng time since I have visited this site.
My husband Chris is a Recovering A and has six months in the program. About a month ago we lost his brother to an overdose and our lives have been out of control ever since. I find myself responding in those old familar ways of stress and worry. I wonder if this loss will take Chris back out himself. His grief has been so deep and I have responded as I always do, by taking on the world. There was no one else to plan the funeral and I took it all on with intensity. Now a month later I realize I have not dealt with my own grief about my brother-in-law's death and in trying to be everything to Chris and his parents I feel empty and lost myself.
Chris has been impossible to live with. He has been cruel and argumentitive, which is not his usual behaviour. This week it came out that he spend 2000 dollars to buy equipment for his stereo again not usual behaviour. Not exactly in our budget this month.
Again I find myself frustrated with the insane behaviour of an A. Drinking and using are only the symptoms of the disease. Wow, didn't know that for the first five years.
I feel very tired and I find myself wanting to be a recluse. I am tired of being the sane one all the time. I know that a brother's death is reason to be insane, but I feel so drained and after all we have been through I don't feel I can take much more.
I still can't believe that he is gone. Most of the time I just pretend that he isn't because it is easier than to deal with how I feel. I will go to an Al alon meeting tomorrow, I have not been in over a year. Gosh I need it.
Grieving for my brother in law is horrible on two accounts. One the loss of him, and two it is living through my worst fear of what I always have and still do worry will happen to Chris.
Wow I am so grateful for a place to write my words. It has been a loooonng time since I have visited this site.
My husband Chris is a Recovering A and has six months in the program. About a month ago we lost his brother to an overdose and our lives have been out of control ever since. I find myself responding in those old familar ways of stress and worry. I wonder if this loss will take Chris back out himself. His grief has been so deep and I have responded as I always do, by taking on the world. There was no one else to plan the funeral and I took it all on with intensity. Now a month later I realize I have not dealt with my own grief about my brother-in-law's death and in trying to be everything to Chris and his parents I feel empty and lost myself.
Chris has been impossible to live with. He has been cruel and argumentitive, which is not his usual behaviour. This week it came out that he spend 2000 dollars to buy equipment for his stereo again not usual behaviour. Not exactly in our budget this month.
Again I find myself frustrated with the insane behaviour of an A. Drinking and using are only the symptoms of the disease. Wow, didn't know that for the first five years.
I feel very tired and I find myself wanting to be a recluse. I am tired of being the sane one all the time. I know that a brother's death is reason to be insane, but I feel so drained and after all we have been through I don't feel I can take much more.
I still can't believe that he is gone. Most of the time I just pretend that he isn't because it is easier than to deal with how I feel. I will go to an Al alon meeting tomorrow, I have not been in over a year. Gosh I need it.
Grieving for my brother in law is horrible on two accounts. One the loss of him, and two it is living through my worst fear of what I always have and still do worry will happen to Chris.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Hi, Meg, welcome back to SR. I have found SR to be such a place of comfort, wisdom, encouragement. A place to share each of our's experience, strength, and hope. And a place to share laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, and grief.
I'm so sorry for the grief you are going through right now with the loss of your brother-in-law. Al-Anon will be another source of help to you during this time, especially to deal with the powerlessness we have over someone else's drinking or addictions.
((((hugs)))) to you during this journey you are on.
I'm so sorry for the grief you are going through right now with the loss of your brother-in-law. Al-Anon will be another source of help to you during this time, especially to deal with the powerlessness we have over someone else's drinking or addictions.
((((hugs)))) to you during this journey you are on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((Meg))) I'm sorry for your loss. When my brother died, I was not easy to be around, either. We all grieve in our own way. I think getting back to meetings might be a good idea as it will help you focus less on him; help you not go to the "what ifs."
Good luck and take care.
Good luck and take care.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome back sweetie.
Im glad to hear your going to a meeting.... you have had a heck of a year and you need that support hon.
Have you thought about maybe taking a long weekend, getting a hotel and taking some time out for yourself? Sounds to me like you could use some serious you time....
please remember to take care of you, does not sound like anyone else is and your important too.
Im glad to hear your going to a meeting.... you have had a heck of a year and you need that support hon.
Have you thought about maybe taking a long weekend, getting a hotel and taking some time out for yourself? Sounds to me like you could use some serious you time....
please remember to take care of you, does not sound like anyone else is and your important too.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Meg)),
Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your brother-in-law. Said prayers for comfort & healing for you & your family.
Although your AH may be having a difficult time dealing with the death of his brother, that shouldn't give him the right to not respect your boundaries. Hopefully the next time he is being cruel or arguementative, you can have the ability to say with a spirit of love & heathly compassion "I hate you feel that way, but I can't discuss this with you until the anger level is lessened" or "I can't imagine the pain you may be feeling, but please do not be disrespectful to me" or possibly have that plan B, where you can leave the house until he calms down.
No one should have to tolerate unacceptable behaviors or verbal abuse regardless of the circumstances. Your AH may not realize that he is acting out this way - hopefully setting some boundaries may help restore some calmness in your home.
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Rita
Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your brother-in-law. Said prayers for comfort & healing for you & your family.
Although your AH may be having a difficult time dealing with the death of his brother, that shouldn't give him the right to not respect your boundaries. Hopefully the next time he is being cruel or arguementative, you can have the ability to say with a spirit of love & heathly compassion "I hate you feel that way, but I can't discuss this with you until the anger level is lessened" or "I can't imagine the pain you may be feeling, but please do not be disrespectful to me" or possibly have that plan B, where you can leave the house until he calms down.
No one should have to tolerate unacceptable behaviors or verbal abuse regardless of the circumstances. Your AH may not realize that he is acting out this way - hopefully setting some boundaries may help restore some calmness in your home.
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Rita
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