ellie217

Ok, so here's my issue. I do not drink everyday, or even every week. But, when I do drink there are times I blackout and don't remember a thing. Alcohol seems to affect me so differently than most people. I don't think I am addicted because I do not need to drink, but when I do, sometimes I blackout. I have had this issue since I started drinking socially in high school. I basically only drink in social settings. Never alone or just sitting at home. I'm just confused as to my issue with blackouts. I don't want to have to quit drinking completely, but I have made a fool out of myself so many times I am starting to think I need to. I put so much guilt on myself the next day because I don't know what I have said or done and I am always afraid to hear.

Well, I just wanted to get some of your thoughts.

Thanks for listening.

GreenTea

Check out this thread, you might find it useful...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Here are some of the things in your post that cause me to think you might find the thread useful...

The differences that make us susceptible to alcoholism start long before most obvious indicators appear in our lives. In fact, the typical indicators merely tell us how far along our disease has progressed before we've diagnosed it and accepted it for what it is.

If you are susceptible to this disease, (and I think you are), then you are very fortunate if you can come to terms with it BEFORE it starts to ruin your life. I wish I had accepted the fact that my alcohol use was abnormal when I was still at the "occassional blackout" stage.

For a long while there I too was only drinking on "social occassions". What I didn't realize what that I was seeking out social occassions in ORDER to drink. It was unheard of for me to have a social occassion WITHOUT drinking -- it was 'way too boring so I'd find a social setting that DID include alcohol.

You might want to ask yourself whether you may be doing the same thing? Try some social settings which don't include alcohol and see if you still enjoy them as much.

And please read that thread. You might find it illuminating.

You are not alone, Brandi, and we all care.

GreenTea

Ask yourself this...

You ate peanuts, and at first everything was fine...

Then you started noticing that you sometimes ate more peanuts then other people did...

Then sometimes, when you ate peanuts, it seemed like sometimes you just couldn't get enough of those peanuts, they were so good...

Then, as more time went by, you noticed that when you ate peanuts, and you were eating a LOT more of them by this time than others did, you starting saying and doing things that you wouldn't normally do, and which you regretted...

Then, as still more time went by, you started noticing that sometimes when you stuffed yourself with peanuts, you couldn't remember everything that happened that night...

Now, everyone else eats peanuts. Heck, there are entire establishments where all you do is go there, sit down, talk to others and eat peanuts.

But you find more and more, then when you go to those places, you're more concerned with just eating a whole lot of peanuts and not really caring much about talking with other people. In fact, you eat so many more peanuts than other people do, that you start feeling guilty about how many peanuts you DO eat. Other people notice too and they may stop wanting to go to those places with you, because they think that all you really care about are the peanuts.

Anyway, do you see my point? ... You might start suspecting that maybe there's something up with you and peanuts.

Did you know that most people only have about two drinks when they go out?

Did you also know that 75% of the alcohol manufactured in the US is consumed by only 10% of the people who drink?

That's a lot of nuts.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome!

It's great to see you here seeking answers.

On the link GT posted do check out #35.

Do keep posting..Take Care

TamTam

Hi- welcome to sr. Read many posts I'm sure you will find many similarities and information.

Good luck-

GlassPrisoner

The big book of AA has a couple of self tests.

1. Take a drink or two, then just stop. Can you ?
2. Leave alcohol alone for a year. Can You ?

Green Tea:

Love the peanuts anology. Except with us, we'd try peanut butter, peanut oil, Reeses peanut butter cups, peanut butter cookies, just to prove we can eat peanuts like other people.

ellie217

Thank you so much for all your replies! I appreciate it so much, especially all the great information Green Tea has provided. I have been fighting this for years now... knowing deep down that I'm not like everyone else. I go through stages where I do well and don't drink too much, but then there is that night where everyone is drinking it up and there I go again. I get so mad that alcohol affects me so differently than others. Why can't I be normal?

I don't think I am ready to stop drinking completely. Just want to be honest with everyone. One comment that got me thinking was from Glass Prisoner. From the big book... can you have a drink or two, and then stop. I want to try that. It's so hard to quit completely when everyone around you is normal and drinks. I just don't think I have the willpower to do it. I would like to try limiting myself.

See, I have never told myself a number to stop at because EVERYTIME I drink alcohol affects me differently. Sometimes I can drink up to 5 or 6 drinks and not feel a thing. But then sometimes I can have a few sips of a drink and feel a buzz. So limiting the number of drinks never seemed right for me. In the threads it was discussed that alcoholics build up a tolerance. I don't think I have ever built up a tolerance so I am confused on that. BUT, I have come to realize that I have to do something different.

Do you think it is bad that I want to try limiting the number of drinks I have? I have decided that no matter how it affects me that night or not, I will stop at that number. What do you guys think?

I do see I have alcoholic tendencies, but I also don't see a lot of others ones in me as well. I'm just confused.

Thanks again for listening and all the great information!

Sugah

I think it's a great way for you to draw your own conclusions. Do it more than once. I've fooled myself into thinking I had control one night, then losing it the next.

Only you can decide if you're alcoholic.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ellie217

Thanks Sugah. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I have decided that if I fail at this, I WILL have to reevaluate everything. I just want to see if I can do this before I make a huge life changing decision of quitting completely.

subliminalurge

Or, are you like me? The first time I heard that suggestion just the thought of no drinking for a year sent me into a panic attack. I was sorta willing to go maybe a week, you know, just to "prove" that I didn't have a drinking problem. But a year? Not even an option.

As it turned out, when I did finally go a full year without drinking, it was the best damn year of my life up to that point.

ellie217

I don't think I can quit drinking for a whole year. If I was never around other people who drank, yes I could, but I just don't think I can do that at this point. But, if I asked some of my friends, who obviously are not alcoholics to do this, they wouldn't be able to either.

But, obviously when I choose to have a child I will not be drinking while pregnant. Who knows... this may be the best year of my life as well. Other than getting big of course!