Day 20 is almost over
Sober and Free
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
Day 20 is almost over
It's been hard, but today is day 20.
Every day is a new batte. But some things are starting to happen. I am feeling better, laughing more. I took a weekend job plus extra holiday hours just before I started to get sober. These people did not know me during the drinking years. They compliment me by telling me how bubbly and cheerful I am, that when I walk into the store the energy changes because of my 'up' attitude. It feels good to be there, but I have always wondered why they think that? I was a sad person to be around, always looking for an easy out so I could hide in my house and drink. During the days still I have my moody-cold-sweat-have-to-watch-my-every-breath-so-I-don't-drink hours. But they don't know that me. They know the sober me. And I forgot that I was happy! I forgot that I could laugh and have a positive attitude, I forgot that people enjoy my company, I forgot that I can go outside and see the sun, and smile just because I want to. I have been finding myself doing these things. poeple are calling me, just to call and say hello. Just because they want my company. It's been a long time since that has happened. And a costumer today told me I was glowing while talking about my daughters. Glowing!!! I used them for a reason to drink for so long I can't get over the guilt- but someone today said I was glowing.
And I have not thrown up in 19 days!
And my dreams are even becoming more positive. I dream of people I have seen in meetings or things I have read, I dream I am hearing important messages, and growing. I dream that I am being rewarded for each day I spend sober. Every night, I dream of people applauding me, patting my back, hugging me, saying they are proud. That is great reward.
It's still such a struggle. Every night I declare my graditude for making it through another day sober and try not to think about tomorrow. It seems like a miracle each night. Tonight feels like another miracle.
I don't know where I am going. Today was good, but tonight is another hard night. It's always a hard night. And I am filled to the brim with graditude that I am sober in this minute. It's so hard, and so worth it.
Every day is a new batte. But some things are starting to happen. I am feeling better, laughing more. I took a weekend job plus extra holiday hours just before I started to get sober. These people did not know me during the drinking years. They compliment me by telling me how bubbly and cheerful I am, that when I walk into the store the energy changes because of my 'up' attitude. It feels good to be there, but I have always wondered why they think that? I was a sad person to be around, always looking for an easy out so I could hide in my house and drink. During the days still I have my moody-cold-sweat-have-to-watch-my-every-breath-so-I-don't-drink hours. But they don't know that me. They know the sober me. And I forgot that I was happy! I forgot that I could laugh and have a positive attitude, I forgot that people enjoy my company, I forgot that I can go outside and see the sun, and smile just because I want to. I have been finding myself doing these things. poeple are calling me, just to call and say hello. Just because they want my company. It's been a long time since that has happened. And a costumer today told me I was glowing while talking about my daughters. Glowing!!! I used them for a reason to drink for so long I can't get over the guilt- but someone today said I was glowing.
And I have not thrown up in 19 days!
And my dreams are even becoming more positive. I dream of people I have seen in meetings or things I have read, I dream I am hearing important messages, and growing. I dream that I am being rewarded for each day I spend sober. Every night, I dream of people applauding me, patting my back, hugging me, saying they are proud. That is great reward.
It's still such a struggle. Every night I declare my graditude for making it through another day sober and try not to think about tomorrow. It seems like a miracle each night. Tonight feels like another miracle.
I don't know where I am going. Today was good, but tonight is another hard night. It's always a hard night. And I am filled to the brim with graditude that I am sober in this minute. It's so hard, and so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
brandi...i'm so proud of you girl...you are making it...i'm so happy for you!! it is nice when you start to reap the rewards of sobriety...think of that 'glow' the next time you want a drink...you don't want to lose that...
you are a great friend...i am so glad you are here...you 'glow' on this board, too...
love and hugs...
ayla
you are a great friend...i am so glad you are here...you 'glow' on this board, too...
love and hugs...
ayla
Sober and Free
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
It's amazing how fast things flip, isn't it? I just typed this. Got up, went to clean my girl's ear (new earings), found out dad forgot to do so this morning. Frusterating, but not the end of the world. Everyone forgets something. Kids start being ape sh*ty, and having trouble contoling them in the bath room...stalling, something these girls are good at. While fighting them to get their ears cleaned I see they have not been bathed,. Last night they misbehaved in the bath and got out before washing their hair. Hair is filthy and ratty...guilt starts to set in "good mothers would not let this happen" and at the same moment I look at the floor...covered in clothing and towels, more laundry I can never keep up on. I look at my middle girl, and she's got toothpaste everywhere, still not brushing her teeth which I asked her to do...get the ears done and toothbrushing started, walk out of bathroom...all i see if sorf left to be done. Hard part of me working one day a week...that day nothing gets done and I am behind a day...takes me two days to catch up. The hallway, the living room, dining room...laundry is piling everywhere and I just did it...guilt and over whelmed...setting in strong...self defeating attitude suddenly in full swing. Suddenly I am a hopeless, helpless mess. Wow, so quickly that alcoholic mind sets in. A drink suddenly sounds good. I go to a room alone, trying to just breathe. In come my husband. God love the man, but he's so needy of my attention. I say I just need a moment, having a hard time, he pouts. I cry. Then go numb again. Now he keeps handing on me, and all I want is to center.
<whew> needed to vent that all. Thank you. Tomorrow I am attempting a meeting with my 2 younger ones in tow...wish me luck. I do better the more meetings I get to.
Still greatful...just a perfect example of the cunning and baffaling nature of this disease. I am going to shower and get into bed. This battle is as exhausting as it is rewarding sometimes.
No wonder people think we're insane, eh? <sigh> I feel so much better typing this. Thankyou.
<whew> needed to vent that all. Thank you. Tomorrow I am attempting a meeting with my 2 younger ones in tow...wish me luck. I do better the more meetings I get to.
Still greatful...just a perfect example of the cunning and baffaling nature of this disease. I am going to shower and get into bed. This battle is as exhausting as it is rewarding sometimes.
No wonder people think we're insane, eh? <sigh> I feel so much better typing this. Thankyou.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Originally Posted by BrandiK 
. I am feeling better, laughing more. and so worth it.
I am so happy for you that you are feeling so awsome. Remember this feeling when ever you are tempted.
I can hear the joy in your heart stay strong, stay sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
don't worry...your house can't be half as terrible as mine...and dirty hair does not make you a bad mother...do what i do...throw the laundry in the basement....and forget it...hehe...i do laundry when the drawers are empty...and my kids are reduced to wearing a sweater and a pair pf pajama pants in july...lol...we do the best we can, and that's all we can do...you give them a lot of love and that's the most important thing...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
Posts: 80
Perhaps this little bit of info will be of help to you... it was for me, and that is: Alcohol is a depressant. I never realized it while I was drinking, but it was very obvious as I began my recovery. I slowly started to have more energy and my thoughts and words became more positive! I didn't know how lethargic and negative I had become, and how everything seemed to be a major effort to accomplish... or half accomplish!
As you're trying to be all things to others, remember some TLC and time for YOU!!
I wish you everything good.
Luv2all
As you're trying to be all things to others, remember some TLC and time for YOU!!
I wish you everything good.
Luv2all
(((((BrandiK))))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Good Morning Brandi,
Hope things are better this morning. The hair is clean the ears will survive, I think after 3 days both mine forgot about "cleaning" them.
I have one those species at home too, he only helps out if it fits in with his naps and then he makes certian I know how much he did AND I WORK FULL TIME.
His claim to fame is since I'm out the door at 6:00 he has to get the kids to school there 9 & 11 it's not like he's changing diapers. They're lucky if they get breakfast. Don't get me wrong all and he is a good Dad/husband it just that missing piece of the male chromozone.
I always say God sent down Adam and then relized Adam just wasn't gonna cut It so it was Eve to the rescue.
Enjoy your day I am cleaning out my plastic container/ serving dish cabniet this morning. I know, tooo much fun.
Hope things are better this morning. The hair is clean the ears will survive, I think after 3 days both mine forgot about "cleaning" them.
I have one those species at home too, he only helps out if it fits in with his naps and then he makes certian I know how much he did AND I WORK FULL TIME.
His claim to fame is since I'm out the door at 6:00 he has to get the kids to school there 9 & 11 it's not like he's changing diapers. They're lucky if they get breakfast. Don't get me wrong all and he is a good Dad/husband it just that missing piece of the male chromozone.
I always say God sent down Adam and then relized Adam just wasn't gonna cut It so it was Eve to the rescue.
Enjoy your day I am cleaning out my plastic container/ serving dish cabniet this morning. I know, tooo much fun.
Sober and Free
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
well, I made it and am happy to start day 21, with a positive attitude. I had a dream last night that I was showing someone my profile on a computer (only the profile was a room) and there was a ticker that said "Day's Sober" and behind it sat a big blue 5. I looked at it and said, "How long has it been since I adjusted this thing? It's day 21!" then I woke up...to day 21 
And instantly said a prayer of thanks and gratitude to my HP and ask for strength and courage to face another day.
lol about the Adam thing. I have another addiction: bumper stickers. This one I like to keep around (you cant even see the back of my minivan lol) I have one that says "Adam was a rough draft" and right below it "Eve was framed" LOL
And instantly said a prayer of thanks and gratitude to my HP and ask for strength and courage to face another day.
lol about the Adam thing. I have another addiction: bumper stickers. This one I like to keep around (you cant even see the back of my minivan lol) I have one that says "Adam was a rough draft" and right below it "Eve was framed" LOL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Good morning Brandi- Day 21!!!!! I am smiling more and chatting more with people now too. What a great thing.
As for the kids- My chances for Mother of the Year award will be out the window by Jan. 6- I get over it and move on....... It's good for them to know we make mistakes. (Mine are painfully aware...)
Have a great day!
As for the kids- My chances for Mother of the Year award will be out the window by Jan. 6- I get over it and move on.......
It's good for them to know we make mistakes. (Mine are painfully aware...)Have a great day!
Sober Reality
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dahlonega, GA
Posts: 5
I am right there with. Today is day 22 for me and I made it through Christmas and New Years Eve so I think I can most likely make it through anything, right? Best Wishes, this sober New Year. Jess
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