newenglandgirl

He just woke up and he's still dedicated to quitting drinking today. He's going to get really sick. I'm so scared. He wont' go to the clinic. Says he's going to beat it alone with my help. I KNOW how dangerous this is. But I can't change his mind. I might have to call an ambulance. I'm just so scared. He's never been physically abusive, but I am fully aware that the verbal abuse will probably be vicious. Have any of you ever gone through this?

Cynay

Ohhh hon.

I just want you to know I hear you.... Yes I have gone through something a little like that and it did not work, he overdosed and it was a mess.

Just remember you have choices.... Call the ambulance, set boundries with him now ... something like if you abuse me I will not be here to help you... etc....

You know this is not your job and you do have choices in this.

sketscher

I read your post asking what it's like to detox at home. I wish I had an answer for you. Have you tried looking on the Alcoholism boards?

I know I'd be the same way in your shoes, wondering what he'll go through. Wanting to help him. Try not to worry or focus too much on him. The only way for him to get through this is to get through it. You can't do it for him. Like you said call the ambulance if need be. That seems to be about the only thing you can do unfortunately.


I hope the best for you.

laurie6781

The worst probably won't start to hit until tonight or tomorrow, depending on how much he's been drinking and when he had his last drink.

Keep the phone handy at all times, and if YOU NEED TO you call 911 and tell them he is detoxing on his own, getting real sick and you cannot handle it. They will send the ambulance and take him to the ER.

There is really nothing you can do for him. He will need to drink lots and lots of fluids (water, gatorade, fresh fruit juice) and keep a path cleared to the bathroom and the bedroom.

If he starts to seizure at all, even a little bit with petite mal where he stares off into space for a bit, may have a bit of saliva trickling down from corner of mouth, comes out of it confused then CALL 911.

If he gets abusive, either verbally or physically, call 911 and leave for a shelter. You DO NOT HAVE TO TOLERATE ANY ABUSE AT ALL.

Then again, he may only get sick, (vomiting and diarrhea). Each detox is different as each person's body handles alcohol differently.

Just be prepared to call 911. You are not a Doctor and you can tell him that, over and over if need be.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,

mallowcup

This choice speaks volumes. What should you be internalizing right now. If he is serious, was this the best choice? NO. Did it consider anyone else in the house? NO. Is there a plan? NO. Is this a very likely way to succeed. NO. It is not his success or failure thatr determines his success as a husband. It is the choices he makes with regard to being the head of his house. He wants you to support a bad idea. He wants you to stand back and let him be while inviting a medical drama. At the first sign of distress, I would call 911. Once he is out of the house, the hospital can manage his detox and he can go straight to a rehab. If he had shown any good judgement in this, you could factor in his opinion. He is clearly not someone you can trust to do what's best for your household.

newenglandgirl

Thanks all for the supportive posts. I feel so alone. I AM alone! Having you out there is a God send. Thank you thank you thank you.

You are absolutely right that his decision to detox at home was a very bad choice. And, furthermore, a very self-centered choice.

He is terrified that if anyone finds out about his problem that it will affect his career. And trust me, it would end it because of the nature of his job. I've been told, though, that any medical care would be totally confidential. But he does not believe it for a sec. He's convinced that it would get reported somehow. So here we are. Alone. Scared. Sick.

Thank you for affirming that I should call an ambulance. And what the signs of seizure are. I have NO medical background. Wish I had a nurse/dr friend right about now!

Morning Glory

Here is a site I found that might answer some questions.

http://www.pathwayscourses.samhsa.go...supps_pg11.htm

newenglandgirl

Excellent resource. Thanks so much!

newenglandgirl

As most of you probably guessed, he got really sick (shakes, sweating, nausea, etc.) and wanted to drink to stop the sickness. So he bought a pint (half of what he usually drinks a day). Now says that he's going to have to cut down gradually in order to avoid getting so sick. I just wish he'd go to treatment! He is just so stubborn. I just don't know how bad this is going to get. Either he's going to stick to his plan (remember, he's got a big reason to get sober: his dream job starts soon, not to mention keeping me around) or he's going to fall deeper into the hole and reach a really bad, scary place where the only way out is professional help. And while he goes on this journey, my life continues to feel like it is on hold.

newenglandgirl

Mallomar said:
"This choice speaks volumes. What should you be internalizing right now. If he is serious, was this the best choice? NO. Did it consider anyone else in the house? NO. Is there a plan? NO. Is this a very likely way to succeed. NO. It is not his success or failure thatr determines his success as a husband. It is the choices he makes with regard to being the head of his house. He wants you to support a bad idea. He wants you to stand back and let him be while inviting a medical drama. At the first sign of distress, I would call 911. Once he is out of the house, the hospital can manage his detox and he can go straight to a rehab. If he had shown any good judgement in this, you could factor in his opinion. He is clearly not someone you can trust to do what's best for your household."

Thank you Mallomar for this advice. It really makes sense. I even told him this this morning. But more importantly (or, perhaps, more sadly) it made ME really think about this man and his supposed love for me. In short, a wake up call of sorts. I know they say that you can't blame the alcoholic, but I DO...because they DO make choices.

newenglandgirl

OOPS --- Sorry MallowCUP!

denny57

This can be confusing. It's along the lines of when I'm pointing my finger of blame, I've got three more pointing back at me. I don't blame anyone else for MY choices. I can decide that the choices someone else makes for THEIR life doesn't work for me, but that doesn't mean they have to change them. I get to choose who, what, where and all the rest I will have in my life.

((()))

newenglandgirl

He's my husband. He SUPPOSED to want what's best for me. But he is only thinking about himself. That is a choice. I can blame him for that.

denny57

My thinking goes like this now (I used to say exactly what you are saying): The husband I want in my life will want what is best for me. The husband I chose does not. If I choose one who doesn't, or continue in a situation with one who doesn't, then the blame is mine. I am not entitled to blame other people for WHO THEY ARE.

I'm not saying this is what you should think or believe. I'm sharing what works for me today. The only "shoulds" in my life are for me. I don't have many of them left.

newenglandgirl

He just brokedown and started crying saying he wants to go to detox. I called 4 places and NO ONE has any beds. You gotta be kidding me! Now he's ranting about this being a sign from God. But atleast he made the step.

LizzyP

I agree with Mallowcup. You can still call 911. They will take him by ambulance to the hospital where they will detox him safely. If he wants to go to detox, he can go this route. After the hospital has managed his detox, he can go into rehab from there.

denny57

I'm with the 911 call. Good luck.

embraced2000

i would make the call too....detox can be serious.

newenglandgirl

He's drinking...so there's no detox danger at the moment...but the fact that he wants to go get help is HUGE. Thanks all for the support. You guys rock.

mallowcup

I will take full responsibility for telling you to call 911. Blame me. The best thing to do is to stay calm. don't panic. Call 911 and have the ambulance come. You don't need to tell him or talk about it until the ambulance comes. Within minutes of his arrival to the ER they will give him medication to help. This is the right thing to do. Not an easy thing to do, but it is best for him. Right now, he needs the hospital. The hospital can cut red tape when it comes to placement when the time is right. I hope you will let us know. I'd call now. Call and when the ambulance comes, step away, go outside or into another room. You are scared because you don't know what to do or how to help make this stop. Professional help is just an ambulance ride away.