JMD612

This is my second visit to this site. After my first visit I saved it to my favorites knowing I would be back. It is 6:00 a.m. and I have awoken yet again to find the A Husband passed out on the couch. Coming here and reading all the post seems to bring me a bit of peace and brings me back to following my steps. I am still searching for that serenity thing... LOL. But, I get it for a while when I read your postings.
I am a newbie here but, not to Al-Anon and alcoholism. I have been the child of alcoholic parents and the wife of an alcoholic Husband for 23 years.
I think I know it all until I come here and read. I know nothing. I will never understand the alcoholic. But, coming here has made me see I am not alone. I have gone to meetings and not returned and gone back to fighting my fight. It doesn't work. Nothing does. So why am I still here after 23 years? Love. It isn't the kids, they are older now, it isn't the $, I can make a living, it isn't the business, the house, the cars or the dog. Its love.
Maybe it is also familiar....
I am not abused, or beaten. What I am is incredibily lonely. I don't need another man or a partner to help me cure that. I can not see myself with anyone else and when he drinks himself to death (and he will) I don't ever see myself wanting to be with anyone. To be a slave to someone elses moods and attitudes or addictions is just abhorent to me just to consider.
So please, someone here tell me I am not alone, I am not the only one in this situation and I am not crazy for staying.

Cynay

Welcome to you JMD612.... I want to give you a hug and hold your hand while pointing out all these posts on Sober Recovery.... You are not crazy, you are not alone and you do not have to live like this.

I was the most alone when I was living with my Alcoholic.... I "really" do understand. You dont have to make decisions today hon, why dont you just pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and read.... I think you will feel much better when you see how many people are either living your life or have lived it.

I look forward to getting to know you better.... Learn as much as you can about this disease and know you are not alone.

Pick-a-name

You are not alone............and I am so glad you found us. It has helped me SO much and I encourage you to stick around. I feel very much the same way you do,although my AH recently divorced me after 27yrs of marriage.

Hugs and prayers going out to you...I look forward to getting to know you.

kermit

I'm so glad you are here. I know all to well how you feel. I was so alone while married to my AH. MOre alone then I ever was. We were always in seperat rooms watching TV or whatever we were doing, it was never together. I would often find him passed out on the couch or floor! ( he feel off the cahir at the computer while talking and loving another) Amd yet I always covered him with a blanket. We all have our own braking points, mine? When he drove my daughter in a car when he was so drunk, she was scared to death! I kicked him out.Not thinking of course. Now if it were just he and I. I most likely would have satyed, because I love him. But I must think of my children first.
Allthough are stories are different we are all so much the same here, that's why I always return, daily most of the time. I find comfort here knowing I'm not "nut's" and there are so many people here to relate to. Keep reading and posting. There are many wise people here.
You are not alone.... not here anyway.