Nikkiexx

Hi everyone

hope anyone can help me. I just relapsed after 2 1/2 years . 2 days clean now . I know If I made it to 2 1/2 years clean of krack, meth, extasy and weed .I try not to eve drink only occasionaly. I relapse caused one friend of mines asked me to get her exacsy and they dealer brough crack and this is my drug of choice but I didnt ask him to bring any. I know I made the choice and Im solely responsible for my relapsed but is hard for me to say NO when the drug is in fron of me .

I grown so much that I wont let thing trigger me I wont go out and look for drugs, I know the rules . places , people and things. now writting about it feels like I broke the rule people (dealer) but we hang before as friends and he never had crack and once he did adn I said NO but this time I just couldnt .

Last time 2 1/2 years ago that I did drug I told myseld I ma stay clean for 2 years and I made it and I had pipes there I bought like 3 months ago and never used it so I guess uncoustiously I was planning for it. but this time i WANT TO STAY CLEAN 4 life .

can someone help me I dont want to do drugs no more.

BLackshirt

It sounds like you already know what to do. All that you have to do now is pick yourself up and start doing the things that you did the first time you quit.

I wish the best for you and am glad that you are here.

Scott

mcdo1268

have you helped another addict lately?

Mitochondria

My advice: dont hang with the "friend" that asked you to get her ecstasy. If you want to stay sober, your days of helping this friend find drugs must end.

logo

My experience has been: If I hang out with dogs I might just get fleas. If the drugs don't get you the lifestyle will. I can just see myself calling up the dope man and ordering drugs for someone else. For me this would be playing Russian roulette. I can have all the good intentions in the world but when the dope is put in front of me it has the makings for a bad choice. For me I am not about to find out what choice I would make because I will not put myself in that position. It is all about the choices that I make. Getting clean is one thing, finding a new way to live is another thing. My hope for you is that you will lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. Love and Respect. p.s. Please make the right choice.

Nikkiexx

your right mito Im cuttin all my friends that do drugs Im not helping any one get drugs Im first and my recovery is number one I rather be lonely and clean watching tv then with friends that might influence my relapsing.

Nikkiexx

I have Im currently going to school for nusring and my new classmates dont do drugs but I mess up by having old friend around me that do drugs. at the same time during this two years that I was sober I was happy I had a new boyfriend but at the same time I was scared I felt like i was turning into a boring hag Im only 30 I felt like I dont go out to clubs I dont do drugs but I just came to realized better to be a boring gal that to be a party chick.

Nikkiexx

Thanks mito those days will b gone. I rather have my friend say Im a stuck up bitch and Im going to set more rules around me this girl didnt even have my number a friend gave it to her. even though her intentions where nice to wish me a merry xmas I could had done without it .

Nikkiexx

Honestly I try to give my friend advice of what I have learn. I had one of my closest friend die two years ago she just gave up she did all drugs heroin crack until she caught cancer in her stomack and she did drugs til she died. My other friends tried to help her but she gave up hope so theres nothing we could had done for her.

Now I have another closed friend fighting addiction she overdose two weeks ago and I told her to try to get help but I think shes also giving up. Our story is odd we were a group of girls and we used to dance in night clubs we were strippers so alcohol was always around . Nina the one that die was the oldest and she was so beautiful so we used to look up to her but she had a heroin addiction so she took Kitty under her wing and taugh her the ropes . I had other girls in school so I was in between I didnt try drugs until I turn 20 Kitty already done drugs since middle school. Well now that Nina die kitty took it real hard and is on the same path shes isolated herself from us she doesnt want to talk to anyone and shes doing heavy drug use. All my old friends are drug users . As much as I loved our memories sometimes I wish I had stayed away but better that I went through this early in life then later .

I had a time when I did drugs really bad and hit rock bottom I was in love with a guy that was a crack addict and I felt that if I did it he would see the destruction of the drug and stop . How naive of me. He just pulled me down on a hole and til this day I thanks(me being sacastic) him for abandoning me and leaving me with a crack addiction. I did all I could to stop pray I was even suicidal but little by little I found hope and started doing drugs less til one year I was clean then I would see old friend that were users so theres the story I relapse well last time I relapsed I promised and told myself i WILL at least make it to two years clean and i DID NOW i WANT to make it for good. Im currently going to school to be a Nurse and I want children in my future but I have to be selfish and care for me I cant help people that cant help themselves even their friendships hurts me becaused they make me see drug addiction as normal as recreational and is not this have made me immunte to realized that even though they do drugs that I dont do is still drugs and it might rub up on me. like fleas.

is harsh reality but I hate to let go of childhood friends if I want a future.

thanks you all for responding so quickly

Nikkiexx

Thanks Logo if you hang with dogs you might get fleas your completely right. I will make the right choice.

this is the reason why i stopped dancing I didnt want to be around alcohol and coke heads.

Nikkiexx

ps never had a sponsor but would love to have an online sponsor someone that has been clean for at least 10 years . Im on myspace so we can stay in touch.