Day one and freaking out!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 7
Day one and freaking out!
Hi all. I am so happy I found this forum. Today is the first day for me. I am sitting here at work with my guts tied in a knot. Alcohol was ruining my life and I knew it. I made a quit date of Jauary 1, 2007, but made such a jerk of myself last night that my husband (who loves me to death) was going to leave me and take my son (not our son, my 16 year old) with him to spare him of what I was diong to myself.
I was not an "all day" drinker, rather I was a night drinker. I convinced myself that I needed my chardonnay to be able to sleep. It started several years ago with a couple of glasses of wine, to a whole bottle, to two bottles - every night. That is where I am today.
I verbally abuse my husband, my son, whoever is in my way. They and I have had enough.
I have wanted to quit for a very long time, but this monster had a grip on me and was constantly whispering in my ear, do it tomorrow, do it on new years, do it anytime but now. Truthfully, I hate what it had done to me. I hate when I wake up and realize I was mean again to the ones who love me so much. I hate the fact I am dependent on alcohol.
I am scared, but I have to do this or let my husband go and let my son go. I know a lot of people do loose everything, but they are worth everything to me, and this is not more important than them. I've promised them and myself that if I cannot kick this nasty habit myself, I would check myself into rehab. Anything, but loose this battle and my family.
My honest feeling is that if those of you that are sober can do it, so can I. I don't care if my friends party and I don't. They can drink, I can't stop drinking once I do. They don't have a problem, I do. All I am doing today is torturing myself with the thoughts of all the "fun" times I will be missing out on, but actually, I will now be waking up feeling good, ready to have a fun day, and not crappy feeling like I do every day.
Anyone that can relate to me, please contact me. I need support, and I need new friends and also most of all, I need to hear from people who know how I feel in my heart.
Thanks in advace!
I was not an "all day" drinker, rather I was a night drinker. I convinced myself that I needed my chardonnay to be able to sleep. It started several years ago with a couple of glasses of wine, to a whole bottle, to two bottles - every night. That is where I am today.
I verbally abuse my husband, my son, whoever is in my way. They and I have had enough.
I have wanted to quit for a very long time, but this monster had a grip on me and was constantly whispering in my ear, do it tomorrow, do it on new years, do it anytime but now. Truthfully, I hate what it had done to me. I hate when I wake up and realize I was mean again to the ones who love me so much. I hate the fact I am dependent on alcohol.
I am scared, but I have to do this or let my husband go and let my son go. I know a lot of people do loose everything, but they are worth everything to me, and this is not more important than them. I've promised them and myself that if I cannot kick this nasty habit myself, I would check myself into rehab. Anything, but loose this battle and my family.
My honest feeling is that if those of you that are sober can do it, so can I. I don't care if my friends party and I don't. They can drink, I can't stop drinking once I do. They don't have a problem, I do. All I am doing today is torturing myself with the thoughts of all the "fun" times I will be missing out on, but actually, I will now be waking up feeling good, ready to have a fun day, and not crappy feeling like I do every day.
Anyone that can relate to me, please contact me. I need support, and I need new friends and also most of all, I need to hear from people who know how I feel in my heart.
Thanks in advace!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome.
We've all been there one way or another. Some have lost everything, others only their respect
Some of us have had withdrawls so badly we were (or should have been) hospitalized. Others just get anxious.
If you feel you have a problem, there is a lot of good advice and support here.
Personally, I was a daily/hourly drinker as I was physically dependant on alcohol. I found AA works for me, and I have 60+ days sobreity today.
Good Luck, and God Bless
We've all been there one way or another. Some have lost everything, others only their respect
Some of us have had withdrawls so badly we were (or should have been) hospitalized. Others just get anxious.
If you feel you have a problem, there is a lot of good advice and support here.
Personally, I was a daily/hourly drinker as I was physically dependant on alcohol. I found AA works for me, and I have 60+ days sobreity today.
Good Luck, and God Bless
It's now or never.
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 13
Day 1 for me too...
Just wanted you to know that you're not alone - I too have decided that it's now or never following my behavior last night.
I'll post more of my saga shortly, just wanted you congratulate you on your decision to quit and wish you all the best.
I'll post more of my saga shortly, just wanted you congratulate you on your decision to quit and wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MAINE USA
Posts: 312
Hello Raiderchick,
Welcome to S/R. More will along soon. I have been where you are but did not quit drinking. Everything, everyboby I owned or knew were gone. Sounds like you are ready to stop. I find AA meetings helped me the most and found this site a few months ago. Try both. It is not easy to stop useing alcohol. I can do it just one day at a time. Start today and do not worry about tomorrow, it will arrive. AA is in the phone book or search aa meetings for your area. Keep posting here. They will come!!!!!!!!
Good luck life is so much better......
Welcome to S/R. More will along soon. I have been where you are but did not quit drinking. Everything, everyboby I owned or knew were gone. Sounds like you are ready to stop. I find AA meetings helped me the most and found this site a few months ago. Try both. It is not easy to stop useing alcohol. I can do it just one day at a time. Start today and do not worry about tomorrow, it will arrive. AA is in the phone book or search aa meetings for your area. Keep posting here. They will come!!!!!!!!
Good luck life is so much better......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 7
Thank you all!
Finding this forum was a blessing for me. I've been on it all day, reading, reading & more reading. I am going to take this one day at a time.
I know I have a journey, but at least now I am not lying to myself anymore, or hiding/lying to my family. That is the first step for me. To admit it, admit when I am feeling weak and telling myself I can't hide it. I've gone down that road many times. I am going to call my husband when I feel that way.
I am telling him/showing him all of my "hiding" spots so he can check them and double check on me. Most of all, I am going to post here every day and make new friends. Friends who know exactly how I feel, what I've done and how much I beat myself up over it all the time. I want all of that to stop. I guess it did stop when I stopped.
I was confronted this morning by an extremely angry husband who was packing to go. That broke my heart. Not completely, but I can't/won't be without him. I am not co-dependent (except on alcohol), as a matter of fact I was so independent I constantly told him to leave, drunk as a skunk of course. So when he actually was going to, I realized I messed up! Time to say good bye to the one thing I thought was so important. I am starting to see the destruction more clearly and this day goes on I am curious as to what my relationship will actually be like since I have been drinking since the day I met him, hiding it most of the time (when I could). (2+ years ago). Thank you all for your support!
I know I have a journey, but at least now I am not lying to myself anymore, or hiding/lying to my family. That is the first step for me. To admit it, admit when I am feeling weak and telling myself I can't hide it. I've gone down that road many times. I am going to call my husband when I feel that way.
I am telling him/showing him all of my "hiding" spots so he can check them and double check on me. Most of all, I am going to post here every day and make new friends. Friends who know exactly how I feel, what I've done and how much I beat myself up over it all the time. I want all of that to stop. I guess it did stop when I stopped.
I was confronted this morning by an extremely angry husband who was packing to go. That broke my heart. Not completely, but I can't/won't be without him. I am not co-dependent (except on alcohol), as a matter of fact I was so independent I constantly told him to leave, drunk as a skunk of course. So when he actually was going to, I realized I messed up! Time to say good bye to the one thing I thought was so important. I am starting to see the destruction more clearly and this day goes on I am curious as to what my relationship will actually be like since I have been drinking since the day I met him, hiding it most of the time (when I could). (2+ years ago). Thank you all for your support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The North East
Posts: 3
Hello Raiderchick,
It finally happened for me too. This is my first entry.
Im about 10 years out of college now and have had a hard time with the transition from fraternity party animal to social drinker. In the earlier years it was just making a fool out of my self at parties and occasionally tossing my cookies. Over the past 3 years it has developed into a much bigger problem. My job requires long hours and consists of many nights and weekends. This leaves me with some of my days off to my self. In the past I would use this time to work on projects around the house and go to the gym. Now these days alone I just sit on my couch and get plowed. My evenings after I would come home from work it would not be uncommon for me to take out close to a 5th of anything or a 12 pack of beer. The next day it was back to work as usual….nobody there has a single clue.
My wife of 5 years knew me in college and has tolerated my bingeing to a certain extent. About 6 years ago we moved in together after I had asked her to marry me. I don’t think she had fully realized how much drinking I was actually doing completely alone. After we got married and moved into our first house where I cooled off a bit. 2 to 3 times a week I would bring home a 6 pack and be content with that.
3 years ago I went through a really big transition….big promotion with a new company, new much larger house, and the birth of our first child. The drinking escalated in a hurry. I hid about half of the drinking from my wife, when I didn’t, it was a guaranteed fight. Lately my wife just cries and goes up to bed.
I began to avoid taking care of my child so I could drink when my wife had to work. I would ask family members to watch after the little one claiming that I had “things around the house to do”. My family all lives very close and were happy to help. They also have no idea that I drink to the extent that I do.
I woke up early this Christmas day on the floor of my living room. No recollection of the night before. All the toys still in boxes (unassembled). I managed to get everything together in time. When my wife came down and saw me in the condition that I was in and just wept. I left the room and walked down into my basement and was consumed with the same emotion that has prevented me from getting help for all these years…shame. All the pain that I have caused my wife had finally realized it self. I was a mess all day and I didn’t help with a single thing. My wife and I crawled into bed early that night. She leaned over and hugged and kissed me. I woke up and hour later to the sound of her crying in the bathroom.
I need some help. This is day 2 for me and I think I am finally ready to do this.
It finally happened for me too. This is my first entry.
Im about 10 years out of college now and have had a hard time with the transition from fraternity party animal to social drinker. In the earlier years it was just making a fool out of my self at parties and occasionally tossing my cookies. Over the past 3 years it has developed into a much bigger problem. My job requires long hours and consists of many nights and weekends. This leaves me with some of my days off to my self. In the past I would use this time to work on projects around the house and go to the gym. Now these days alone I just sit on my couch and get plowed. My evenings after I would come home from work it would not be uncommon for me to take out close to a 5th of anything or a 12 pack of beer. The next day it was back to work as usual….nobody there has a single clue.
My wife of 5 years knew me in college and has tolerated my bingeing to a certain extent. About 6 years ago we moved in together after I had asked her to marry me. I don’t think she had fully realized how much drinking I was actually doing completely alone. After we got married and moved into our first house where I cooled off a bit. 2 to 3 times a week I would bring home a 6 pack and be content with that.
3 years ago I went through a really big transition….big promotion with a new company, new much larger house, and the birth of our first child. The drinking escalated in a hurry. I hid about half of the drinking from my wife, when I didn’t, it was a guaranteed fight. Lately my wife just cries and goes up to bed.
I began to avoid taking care of my child so I could drink when my wife had to work. I would ask family members to watch after the little one claiming that I had “things around the house to do”. My family all lives very close and were happy to help. They also have no idea that I drink to the extent that I do.
I woke up early this Christmas day on the floor of my living room. No recollection of the night before. All the toys still in boxes (unassembled). I managed to get everything together in time. When my wife came down and saw me in the condition that I was in and just wept. I left the room and walked down into my basement and was consumed with the same emotion that has prevented me from getting help for all these years…shame. All the pain that I have caused my wife had finally realized it self. I was a mess all day and I didn’t help with a single thing. My wife and I crawled into bed early that night. She leaned over and hugged and kissed me. I woke up and hour later to the sound of her crying in the bathroom.
I need some help. This is day 2 for me and I think I am finally ready to do this.
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Welcome, (sailor). Welcome, (raider). I am so glad you both made it here. Stick around, keep reading, keep posting. We need you as much as you need us. Helping you helps us. Reminding us where we came from helps us to not go back there.
That may sound strange. You may think "what the heck is he talking about!" Don't worry about it.
The only way any of us stay sober is one day at a time. Today is the only day I have. Yesterday is gone forever, I can't change anything about it. Tomorrow isn't here yet. I can and do make plans for it, but I don't live there. What can I do today? That's all that matters. I can stay sober today. A camel can go 24 hours without a drink, so can I. All I'm trying to do is go to bed tonight sober. Tomorrow, if I wake up, I can work on tomorrow's sobriety then. My job as a sober, recovering alcoholic and AA member, is to make my actions and reactions the same as someone who is not an alcoholic, and to stay sober until I die of something else.
Go to an AA meeting. Then go to another one. Keep going to different meetings until you find one that suits you, then make that your home group. Get to know the members and let them get to know you. Don't miss a meeting. If you had kidney failure and were told to be at the hospital for dialysis every Tuesday and Friday at 9 AM, guess where you'd be every Tuesday and Friday at 9 AM? Give your home group the same life-or-death dedication.
I've been sober over 18 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
That may sound strange. You may think "what the heck is he talking about!" Don't worry about it.
The only way any of us stay sober is one day at a time. Today is the only day I have. Yesterday is gone forever, I can't change anything about it. Tomorrow isn't here yet. I can and do make plans for it, but I don't live there. What can I do today? That's all that matters. I can stay sober today. A camel can go 24 hours without a drink, so can I. All I'm trying to do is go to bed tonight sober. Tomorrow, if I wake up, I can work on tomorrow's sobriety then. My job as a sober, recovering alcoholic and AA member, is to make my actions and reactions the same as someone who is not an alcoholic, and to stay sober until I die of something else.
Go to an AA meeting. Then go to another one. Keep going to different meetings until you find one that suits you, then make that your home group. Get to know the members and let them get to know you. Don't miss a meeting. If you had kidney failure and were told to be at the hospital for dialysis every Tuesday and Friday at 9 AM, guess where you'd be every Tuesday and Friday at 9 AM? Give your home group the same life-or-death dedication.
I've been sober over 18 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Welcome Raiderchick!
I relate alot to your feelings on Day 1 of sobriety. Boy! Good thing it gets better if you just don't drink. No matter what.
We are all pulling for you. Hang in there.
Do you have a plan of action for support besides this forum? I use AA and it is saving my life. literally. Good luck to you.
I relate alot to your feelings on Day 1 of sobriety. Boy! Good thing it gets better if you just don't drink. No matter what.
We are all pulling for you. Hang in there.
Do you have a plan of action for support besides this forum? I use AA and it is saving my life. literally. Good luck to you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello and Welcome to our newly sober SR Members!!
Congratulations on making a great decision.
Before I could quit and stay quit
I needed to know WHY I continued to drink
when I detested the woman I had become.
This link has excerpts from the book that
saved my sanity.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep in focus..we do understand
Congratulations on making a great decision.
Before I could quit and stay quit
I needed to know WHY I continued to drink
when I detested the woman I had become.
This link has excerpts from the book that
saved my sanity.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep in focus..we do understand
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Welcome Raiderchick and please when you feel down tempted etc please come here. I was like you I downed two bottles of wine every second night and the last time I drank it was three bottle leaving a disgusted husband who had enough. Its not easy and at the moment Im having those dam urges so Im here reading and writing posts to remind me of what I am and do. If you ever feel down you are more than welcome to contact me have a chat via cyberspace. Thinking of you and remember that saying and its true ONE DAY ONE MINUTE ONE HOUR at a time
godbless
Ang ( on day nine YEHA!!!!)
godbless
Ang ( on day nine YEHA!!!!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 7
Angie and Carol, thank you for your kind words. I will be here. My new home! Tomorrow will be day two. This night is the first night that I can honestly remember not drinking, or sneaking off to drink something, even if just a drop. Actually I get sick thinking about how this has captured my life. Angie, I hope you and your husband can work things out. My husband knows this has taken over me. Yes, I let it, but nevertheless, it too ME over. He saw it in my eyes this morning when I pleaded with him not to leave me. I love him very much. If he were not here tonight, I would be in denial and drinking myself to sleep, only to wake up and do it again. In denial. Thank God for him and for this forum. You will hear from me every day! Take care, Alicia
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Hey Alicia I call alcohol my demon as thats what it is for me!!
Its not easy and Im so greatful that here people know excautly what Im feeling what Im going through. Friends who say just dont drink dont realise thats what we are trying to do when we get caught up in the addiction.
I visit here daily too so will keep a eye out for you . now later on tonight take deep breaths when you get a urge to have a wine think about us here we will be thinking about you and supporting you take care
Ang
Its not easy and Im so greatful that here people know excautly what Im feeling what Im going through. Friends who say just dont drink dont realise thats what we are trying to do when we get caught up in the addiction.
I visit here daily too so will keep a eye out for you . now later on tonight take deep breaths when you get a urge to have a wine think about us here we will be thinking about you and supporting you take care
Ang
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hello Raiderchick and Bala, Im Hope3 and I like you know the pain I have caused to my significant other of 17 years.
Raiderchick, my significant other kicked me out and I bowed to be sober and that I chose us over alcohol, simple discision, done right, wrong.
After months of sobriety and no plans or support groups I analyzed that I could drink if she didn't know about it, right, wrong again. She knew. she would share her hurt through her journal with me. so I just needed to quit, right, wrong again.
I would now only drink when I knew she wouldn't know, talk about denial!
I would do the stupidest things and tell myself the stupidest things to allow myself to drink, and time and time again I would hurt the one I loved.
Finally, after a binge behind her back, I forgot I left an empty vodka bottle in my drawer. well, she was looking for socks and she found it. Then I find myself lying through my teeth that I had left that bottle there before I promised her I was going to quit. Thats it now, I say to myself, I'm really going to quit, right, wrong.
I can't tell you how many tears from my eyes and hers this stupid desease and I have caused us, but I can tell you I finally woke up after she, not a violent person at all hit the wall, showed me her missing breast (from a mascetomy) and said take a good look, is this what you want, take a good look. She said she loved me, but knew I needed to decide on my own that I needed help. She had to distance herself from me and start doing things that were good for her. I am so proud of her.
So, I sat down and admitted to myself I had a serious problem and needed help. I moved in to our spare bedroom and started making plans for how I was going to tackle this demon.
That was 29 days ago and on my second day I found this site and all the beautiful people here have been a great inspiration to me, the old and new.
Again here I am reading post and stumble over Raiderchick, Bala, and sailorKR's post and again I am inspired and more moved than I was yesterday.
I thank-you for your courage and inspirations, just by you being here, not only are you recieving you are giving much more than you think.
I look forward to you all joining in this journey with me and all my SR family.
Each day is an opportunity at a new..........beginning.........
Raiderchick, my significant other kicked me out and I bowed to be sober and that I chose us over alcohol, simple discision, done right, wrong.
After months of sobriety and no plans or support groups I analyzed that I could drink if she didn't know about it, right, wrong again. She knew. she would share her hurt through her journal with me. so I just needed to quit, right, wrong again.
I would now only drink when I knew she wouldn't know, talk about denial!
I would do the stupidest things and tell myself the stupidest things to allow myself to drink, and time and time again I would hurt the one I loved.
Finally, after a binge behind her back, I forgot I left an empty vodka bottle in my drawer. well, she was looking for socks and she found it. Then I find myself lying through my teeth that I had left that bottle there before I promised her I was going to quit. Thats it now, I say to myself, I'm really going to quit, right, wrong.
I can't tell you how many tears from my eyes and hers this stupid desease and I have caused us, but I can tell you I finally woke up after she, not a violent person at all hit the wall, showed me her missing breast (from a mascetomy) and said take a good look, is this what you want, take a good look. She said she loved me, but knew I needed to decide on my own that I needed help. She had to distance herself from me and start doing things that were good for her. I am so proud of her.
So, I sat down and admitted to myself I had a serious problem and needed help. I moved in to our spare bedroom and started making plans for how I was going to tackle this demon.
That was 29 days ago and on my second day I found this site and all the beautiful people here have been a great inspiration to me, the old and new.
Again here I am reading post and stumble over Raiderchick, Bala, and sailorKR's post and again I am inspired and more moved than I was yesterday.
I thank-you for your courage and inspirations, just by you being here, not only are you recieving you are giving much more than you think.
I look forward to you all joining in this journey with me and all my SR family.
Each day is an opportunity at a new..........beginning.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 7
Hope thanks for the post
Alcohol is a crazy deamon that takes over. All those litte start over's you've done, I've done. I have a trunk full of bottles (empty) to throw away. The ones I was trying to hide from my husband the last few months. The extras.
Last night was night #1. It was hard. All I could think about was how I wished this was not happening to me or anyone I know. It sucks.
But Day #2 feels good. I feel good. I didn't sleep so good, but I feel physically good today. The first day with no hangover in years.
I'm taking this one day a a time. One minute at a time and coming back here for the support I need. It's amazing to me how many of us have done the same thing to ourselves, our spouses and our children. Never thinking it would go this far. Thinking we could stop anytime. But no, it does not work that way. You have to have a true desire to stop. I too had the husband throwing things around our bedroom Tuesday morning, as he packed to go. That was it for me. The turning point. I love him and my family more than I love alcohol. That is for sure.
I'll be here until God knows when. Thank you all for everything. Alicia
Last night was night #1. It was hard. All I could think about was how I wished this was not happening to me or anyone I know. It sucks.
But Day #2 feels good. I feel good. I didn't sleep so good, but I feel physically good today. The first day with no hangover in years.
I'm taking this one day a a time. One minute at a time and coming back here for the support I need. It's amazing to me how many of us have done the same thing to ourselves, our spouses and our children. Never thinking it would go this far. Thinking we could stop anytime. But no, it does not work that way. You have to have a true desire to stop. I too had the husband throwing things around our bedroom Tuesday morning, as he packed to go. That was it for me. The turning point. I love him and my family more than I love alcohol. That is for sure.
I'll be here until God knows when. Thank you all for everything. Alicia
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I have a trunk full of bottles (empty) to throw away. The ones I was trying to hide from my husband the last few months. The extras.
Alas, it was too late for me to save my marriage of 20 years......
Anyway, Keep coming back !
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Hi Raiderchick- Welcome to SR-
Hellooooooo- your intro sounds like it could be my autobiography!!!!!!
truly- every word!! I so understand you- I promise you are not alone.
I grew up in So Cal (so I won't hold it against you that you are a Raider fan...) and started partying at 13- that means I drank for 30 yrs. I drank wine, too. I was SO afraid I would not ever know how to have fun again. All my life fun=alcohol. I am 38 days today and each day is better than the last. I found AA mtgs that I go to twice a week- I sat in my car 10 min before going into the first one. Today was my 5th mtg and I couldn't wait to go...
I felt like I was crawling out of my skin the first several days... Keep coming back here-- when it gets to be too much, breathe and post.
PM me if I can help.
Hellooooooo- your intro sounds like it could be my autobiography!!!!!!
truly- every word!! I so understand you- I promise you are not alone.
I grew up in So Cal (so I won't hold it against you that you are a Raider fan...) and started partying at 13- that means I drank for 30 yrs. I drank wine, too. I was SO afraid I would not ever know how to have fun again. All my life fun=alcohol. I am 38 days today and each day is better than the last. I found AA mtgs that I go to twice a week- I sat in my car 10 min before going into the first one. Today was my 5th mtg and I couldn't wait to go...
I felt like I was crawling out of my skin the first several days... Keep coming back here-- when it gets to be too much, breathe and post.
PM me if I can help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 119
Hi Raiderchick!
I'm a Ninerchick LOL!! Welcome to SR, you will find a TON of support here. I don't know if you have looked into AA or NA meetings at all? Nor Cal has a lot of meetings for both fellowships and you can find them online very easily.
DAY 2!! Keep it going girl!
xo
heart
I'm a Ninerchick LOL!! Welcome to SR, you will find a TON of support here. I don't know if you have looked into AA or NA meetings at all? Nor Cal has a lot of meetings for both fellowships and you can find them online very easily.
DAY 2!! Keep it going girl!
xo
heart
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