My Christmas Miracle... warning ...long.

Old 12-24-2006, 07:59 PM
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My Christmas Miracle... warning ...long.

I’m going to try to express my most amazing Christmas gift and the people that brought it too me. I’m not blessed with the gift to express in written form, but I’m going to try.

Please stop here if you are offended by my deep faith in God, he is my higher power. I am more spiritual then religious but do fine peace in my church service and claim to be Christian… Much of what I feel and think is based in this so I’m giving you fair warning, not to mention this is really long.

As I sit hear with tears running down my cheek and actually having to stop at times to compose myself I’m truly amazed at how humble I feel and how blessed I truly am … and you know what, it comes from places I would never have looked… that is what I want to share with you, just the beauty of how God and recovery have worked in my life.

I started today with tears, I brought up the covers upon waking and cried because this is not how my Christmas or my life was suppose to turn out… I woke up alone, nobody to share my thought, love, pain anything with. I woke up feeling very alone. My Brother and my Father died during this time of year and the Christmas Season has not been an easy time for me in the best of circumstance, let alone the circumstances of this year and the lose of so many hopes and dreams. After having a pity party and getting the crying out of my system I got on my knees and prayed, not for anything really, just to pray and ask for help, strength and peace. Tonight I sit here crying my eyes out but for much different reasons… and I’m sooooo thankful.

As some of you know I have had a very emotional year. It has been filled with extreme blessing as well as extreme pain. Strange how God mixes the two, I guess he knows I would not be able to survive the lows without the highs…. I’m very thankful for the highs.

Today started out with texts from a new friend, light, sweet and just normal. I’m grateful for normal considering the chaos the last year has brought. I felt better having human contact but had a very deep hurt/pain inside. My daughter and I have been separate since September and though we are getting better I miss my baby girl, best friend and the most incredible person I know…. Somehow the holiday is not the same when every one you hold dear is away from you…. I’m not sure anyone but a parent can know this pain.

So I logged on to SR, checked on some posts and started to feel more normal, working with everyone here always helps me come to a center… that is when I read that Minx became engaged and I felt sooo happy for her, I call and we had a wonderful talk, after I felt much more centered and remembered through her good things do happen….

I had plans to go to a very good friend’s house, the Mother of my new God-daughter, her husband is an Alcoholic and I struggle most times being around him. His Parents are in town from England and I adore them, so seeing my Good Friend, God-daughter and good friends from over seas makes it worth it. So I dress as becomingly as I can and set out to there house. When I arrive I received hugs from all, even the Alcoholic who tells me how thankful his is that I’m in his family’s life and that I’m the God-Mother of his only daughter… amazing huh… what an amazing gift to be appreciated and loved… Then an old friend of mine showed up, he and I have been friends for over 3 year… not romantic, but just the kinda friend you call when you need a date for a company function and have no one to call. Anyway we all enjoyed sitting and talking and I was holding my God-daughter (who is 3 months) when the most beautiful thing happened…

My Daughter called asking if I would attend Christmas Eve Service at our church together. Needless to say I was brought to my knees, thankful that she wanted to spend that closeness with me….

I spent dinner with my friends in laughter and love, when it came time for me to leave my friend walked me to my car. Honestly I don’t know how, we have barely talked in the last year, but he reached out to give me a hug… not the normal hug but the hug a man and women enjoy…. I was surprised but comforted. He told me then how special he thought I was and that he does not know anyone that handles life and all its problems with such grace and dignitary. It was like he looked in my eyes and just knew, and held me in just the right way that I felt that center with another human being. Silly I know, this is my friend and nothing more…. But deep inside I honestly feel that God was giving me what I needed at the most important time… when I’m hurting.

I don’t know how many of you put up this wall around you that seems to keep you together, that helps you face the pain and the world that just does not make sense at the best of times. But I am one of them. My recovery and therapy is helping a lot but I still struggle.…. Most of the time my emotions are held so tightly weaved … if a thread becomes too loose my whole emotional balance will unravel.

SO….. I get to Church and mind you I have not attended for about 6 months, I walk in and its is as if I never left…. So many people that I knew before came to hug me… not to judge or ask me where I have been, but to just tell me how happy they were to see me. My daughter walked in and I honestly had to catch my breath because she has this ora about her … she is honestly the most beautiful person I know…. We hugged and stood holding hands while so many people that knew us came up and hugged us… welcoming us home. It took everything I had not to break down and bawl. We enjoyed the service, which anyone that attends knows is very moving on Christmas Eve. I sat there thinking … how blessed I am, to be with people that care about me with the most amazing person I know sitting next to me…. Trust me it was not easy to keep it together and not bust out in tears… but this time for much different reason….. Because I’m blessed and thankful. During Service I received such a beautiful text from another friend of mine… I’m humbled.

Tomorrow I get to share the morning with my daughter, I have a gift for her that I know she will be touched, and probably the best gift I could give, Something that she really wanted during our trip to Italy but could not afford... Well call me a push over, but then again I suppose I am for those I love. I will take her to the airport …. She is going to visit her Father. Then I will go to an AA/ Al-anon get together and share time with a new and dear friend and other friends I have made there….

Today I’m humbled. What started out in Tears … feeling alone and crushed …. Ended up with God showing me how blessed I really am. Maybe this is not how I thought my life should be, maybe things are off right now… but when I can feel the holy spirit move in me like it did today….. Well there is nothing left to do but cry tears of gratitude and thankfulness.

Merry Christmas to you all….. as hard as life is….. I hope yours is as blessed as mine.
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:07 PM
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Wow. What an awesome post. You have a truly admirable depth of spirit. I am so glad you have had such a wonderful day today, you certainly deserve it. I know how deep your heart is with love and compassion for others. I have seen you give that love to newcomers who find themselves lost in a meeting, and I've seen you give it to me when I was in one of my own "dark times".

You truly are a very special woman and I know your HP is keeping you close to his own heart thru these days.

Mike
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:19 PM
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Thank you for sharing your heart and your day with us! It's amazing how things can turn around!! My heart is filled with joy for you!
... Merry Christmas!
hugs,
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:23 PM
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Your post is all the gift I need! Awesome!
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:27 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((Cynay))))))))))))))))))))

That was the most awesome thread I have ever read....it brought tears to my eyes hun....I hope that you have many many more. Merry Christmas to you sweetie. And your friend is correst in saying that you have dignity and grace...yup you sure do girl.

Janit
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:27 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story with us.....you're words have lifted my spirits tonight and left me speechless. Thank you!!
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:28 PM
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Cynay,

You really touched my heart very deeply with your gratitude. Wow! Thank you for your sweet sincere kind-hearted self! You are a ray of light to me and others~~~~

Merry Christmas~

((((hugs))))
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:40 PM
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the promises are coming true for you! i am so happy for you! bless you and have a wonderful christmas. ****{cynay}}}
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:42 PM
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Just what i needed , thank you. Today and tomorrow will be 2 of the hardest days of my life. I can't stop crying,
I wish I knew how to pray , I want so much to feel that love.
You have touched my heart with this post. You are an insperation to me. again, thank you and Merry Christmas
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Old 12-24-2006, 08:56 PM
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Thanks for sharing Cynay, I am happy for you. Yes, you deserve all good things! Lv Ya
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Old 12-24-2006, 09:27 PM
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Thank you so much for an awesome post, Cynay, and for reminding me that when I have faith, belief and trust in my higher power he'll show me a life beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. That was proven to me time and again today with an outpouring of love and good thoughts from my friends in the program. What a beautiful life I've been blessed with.

My experience as a single parent has shown me that Christmas morning is magical when shared with children, and I'm sure that being with your daughter will be no exception. To share a meditation I read this morning: "In the sphere of material things, giving means being rich. Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much". I have no doubt your daughter will appreciate the gift very much, and I understand how strong your love is for her. Enjoy your time with her, Cynay.

Merry Christmas to everyone. May your day be filled with joy and wonder.

Scott
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Old 12-24-2006, 10:19 PM
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Cynay,
That was such a moving post. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful blessings with us here. I am so happy for you and your daughter. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. You are an inspiration.
(((((((((((((Loving Christian Hugs)))))))))))))))
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Old 12-24-2006, 10:36 PM
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(((Cynay)))) Thank you for sharing your gift. You are an incredible, incredible woman.

Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-25-2006, 12:27 AM
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((((Cynay))))
What a wonderful share; for a wonderful woman.
You deserve all that is good in this world; never let yourself forget it.

Shalom!
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Old 12-25-2006, 05:10 AM
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cynay....merry christmas. you have given me one....hope.

much love to you cynay.....
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Old 12-25-2006, 06:31 AM
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Thank you all..... and Merry Christmas....

I have no clue why, but I can not seem to stop crying, I woke up this morning crying but today they are not tears of pain. Im soooo emotional and the strange part is ... Im really not like this....


Heavens, this will be a challenge to get my makeup on today considering my eyes have the "cry swell" and I cant seem to stop.

PS.... Kermit sweetie, there is no secret to praying. Just talk to God the same way you open your heart to us here.... that is the most beautiful way I know how to pray.
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Old 12-25-2006, 06:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Cynay View Post

I have no clue why, but I can not seem to stop crying, I woke up this morning crying but today they are not tears of pain. Im soooo emotional and the strange part is ... Im really not like this....
Just coming here and reading of all the love that gets shared... Your not alone but I don't need worry about putting make up on *LOL*
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Old 12-25-2006, 06:42 AM
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The touch of the Holy Spirit....ahhhh, it is the BEST. I'm so glad that you had an amazing day, a day to understand the wonderful Magic of your HP and the fact you are open to "know" when he is working in your life. Have a great day and joy w/ your daughter. I am thankful for you and your compassionate, yet strong influence in my life here at SR. Hopefully, these good feelings and deep appreciation will continue in your life strongly. It was an inspiration to read of your experience.
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Old 12-25-2006, 07:34 AM
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(((Cynay)))
Thank you for sharing this touching post.
May yours days be filled with blessings like you have described
((((hugs)))
Cece
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Old 12-25-2006, 07:58 AM
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(((Cynay))) You are an awesome lady and I'm glad you got your miracle. It's amazing when we experience God at work in our hearts and lives.

Hugs
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