Hope For Today Dec 22

Old 12-21-2006, 10:38 PM
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Hope For Today Dec 22

I turned my back on religion many years before my first Al-Anon meeting, so when the meeting ended with a closing prayer, I wondered how I could pray without feeling false. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, but I didn't say the prayer. I feared someone would tap me on the shoulder and tell me to say the prayer. The prayer ened, and no one chastised me. Instead, I was given literature and encouraged to return

Although I didn't know it when I first walked through Al-Anon's doors, the words "must" and "should" nearly ruined my relationship with my daughter and with my spouse. I had no awareness of the role that "iron rules" played in my life. My chattering mental voice applied these rules to myself, and in turn I applied them to everyone else.

Life was not comfortable because I was constantly on guard. Al-Anon helped me see that right and wrong were not the issues. The important issues were maintaining my serenity, making contact with my Higher Power, and keeping my mouth shut about other people's business.

I used to think of myself as a responsible, disciplined adult. Yet the love and support of my fellow Al-Anon members showed me that my rigidity was a wall that hid my fear. Acceptance of my self-doubts enabled me to start turning away from the "musts" and "shoulds." Now I am gentler with myself and others. Years after my first meeting, I stand gratefully in the circle and choose to say the closing prayer.

Thought of the day
There are no "shoulds" in Al-Anon. The program only suggests I practice the Steps, Traditions, Concepts of Service, and slogans to the best of my ability.

"In addition to offering healing for a hurt spirit, the fellowship offers empathy and choice." As We Understood... , P. 29
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Old 12-21-2006, 10:46 PM
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I think my major character defect is my bossiness. I have a very strong idea of 'the rules' -of what needs to be done/not done and how... that I have unwittingly pushed upon others for too many years. Honestly, I always thought I was helping... I mean couldn't they see what was good for them? :-) But the truth is, now I think I control people to help validate the way I am living and give me a sense that all is well in my little world. In fact, my bossiness has often hurt those I am trying to help. I am working on it now but it is still very hard for me to shut up. It is also hard for me to listen, observe and not pass judgement right away. I am not sure if I will ever be able to observe and not judge but I would like to be able to observe and realize that there could be many reasons someone does what they do... and that it may be working for them then. I am working on tending to my side of the street and mine alone. It is so difficult to change myself!
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:59 PM
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Good post, Minah. I, too, fell before the altar of shoulds and musts. And you are right; I am hardest on myself. It also does damage every relationship. But the insight that you offered about trying to control people to validate the way we are living, really knocked my socks off. Yep. That's it. Honest. Raw. Me, too.
Gulp.
Today I will offer that to my HP and ask for a loving heart.
HAppy holidays.
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