princesas2005

I Am 22 Years Old And My Husband Is 38 He Is Using Crack His Drug Of Choice And He Is An Acholic I Did Not Realize This Until After The Marriage. He Leaves Me At Home To Get Drunk Some Times Threaten Me And Disrespects The Whole Entire Family , He Takes Off In The Car Drives People Around And I'm Stuck Raising The Baby Alone, Were Suppose To Be Moving To Texas To Get Him Away From The People Who Encourage His Behavior And Get Him In To Aa Classes But He Seems Nervous To Leave Denver. I Cannot Talk To My Family About This Because They Won't Understand I Am Hurt Very Bad Emotionally And My One Year Old Son Is Not To Fond Of Him He Can Feel The Evilness In Him I Do Love Him. But I Notice That When He Is Sober He Is Irritable , I'm Getting Tired Of This And We Have Only Been Married For 9 Months I'm Starting To Feel Like I'm In Hell But Not By My Own Sins Someone Elses , Well That My Story If Anyone Has Advise I Would Appreciate It!!!!!!!

Sincerly,
Princesas2005

princesas2005

Alot Of You Said To Leave Him , I Want To Do That But Is It False Hope To Think That Someone Can Change ? I Mean By Sticking By Them Unil It Gets Better> I'm Just Looking For A Friend On Here To Write Me For Encouragement So Please Post A Comment Needing Support.

Sincerly, Tatum Aka Princesas2005

deax

princesa- my ex was a crack addict too. Crack is no joke.... It doesn't just get better and addicts don't just change... it takes them hitting bottom and developing some desire to turn their lives around. You and your son could potentially wait a lifetime before this happens. In addition to his multiple addictions, your husband threatens you and your 1-year-old baby is already afraid of him. Read your post over and over again-- really read it. Pretend someone else wrote it.

Moving him to Texas won't change anything by itself- my ex did the whole geographic relocation too and you know what-- afterward he was just a crackhead but in a different city. And you getting him into AA too-- HE has to want to do this. Again, my ex was around AA and NA and Salvation Army programs and living on a mountain with monks (seriously!) for so many years that he could make it LOOK like he was in recovery but he was really just BS-ing to shutup everyone around him.

It doesn't matter who else "encourages" his addiction right now- at this point, he doesn't WANT to stop, so he'll keep smoking and drinking until he does. If that day ever comes.

Seriously- protect yourself and your innocent baby. Please read everything you can here to educate yourself on the realities of addiction. I love my ex too- but sometimes we need to love ourselves more.

Just my opinion. Best wishes to you.

princesas2005

thank u deax i do understand what you are saying we where goinig to salvation army in texas for help , he tells me that he wants to stop but i do feel that at times his judgement is not the safest for our family . my mom said that she would help me i thinking about calling her because i don;t feel strong enough anymore to carriage the baggage of hurt and pain any further not only for me but my son to who i love very much i just wanna be happy but everytime , i get happy he knocks me down off the cloud. i sort of feel like i'm young and i have a chance to be come more as far as him he is older and i think he gets jealous of the fact that i want to improve, anyways thank for the message.

princesas

deax

Age is another factor too... there was 18 years between me and my ex also. That's a big age difference! And if he doesn't want you to improve-- ask yourself, is that the kind of love you want? Love means 2 people who want good things for each other. Many times in an addict's case, they are so self-cetered and misery loves company. They don't support anything that would make their lives more difficult or make their problems harder to deny-- like losing you.

Princesas you don't have to decide anything right this minute, but you and your son have your whole lives ahead of you. You can start by thinking about what it is you want for your life, what would make you happy. Whether your husband sobers up or not, you stil lhave your own life to live.

prodigal

Look at his actions. At this point, ignore most of what he is saying. They ALL say, at one time or another, "I really want to stop." Yeah, right. They are making a plan to plan when to stop drinking. What a pile of horse manure! It's a technique known as manipulation.

You are only 22 years old. Take it from someone who could easily be your mother - you have your whole life ahead of you right now. I'm sure you care what happens to him and you want him to get better, but I sense there is a great deal of fear within you that keeps you attached to him. Attachment is not a healthy thing.

Now that we know what he's all about, I think it might help if you started sorting out what to do with your life. Being a single parent is a very tough, challenging job but you can do it. There are plenty of public assistance agencies that will give you job training (if you need it), housing, medical assistance, etc.

Don't let him drag you down with him. You deserve better than this. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to detach and decide what is best for you and your child.

sketscher

I am going to have to agree that you and you're baby have your whole lives in front of you and you deserve a chance to live in peace. Sometimes in life we must "look out for number one". That means you and that beautiful baby you've been blessed with. That is not to say we shouldn't help others from time to time but it's our duty to first and foremost take care of ourselves. You know the saying, god helps those who help themselves. We all so desperately want the addicts in our life to change but we CAN'T do it for them. And like Deax said you could very possibly wait forever for him to change. And at the end of your life what will you be left with?

I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just trying to urge you to figure out your goals, and what is best for your life and the life of your child. Regardless of whether you stay or leave it's still your life that you must live, you must live it with respect for what is right and healthy for you. And you can't live his for him. Do you know what I'm getting at?

Read the stickies at the top for really great insight!

ICU

Amongst many other things, I'm concerned about how isolated you would be if, or when, things get even rougher for you in Texas. At least where you are right now you have family around you. Who do you know in Texas that could help you if you needed it?

My ex wanted to move out of state as well. I'm so glad I didn't agree to it. I would have been so alone and even more at the mercy of his whims and addictions.

Think about what is best for your baby and you. And take a look at the abuse stickies at the top. You may or may not see yourself there. It doesn't hurt to be aware of some of the characteristcs; especially considering some of the comments you've made already.

princesas2005

i just want to thank everyone for the support and writing me i hope that i can find the way to be a mother to my child and possibly a better wife if gods allow us to stay married if he dosen't i will move on and make peace w/ it . i'm no longer afraid to step up and demand the life that i deserve and i will not let him over power me in the past 9 months i can say that i have become more independent when he is not around and more opinions are coming from my mouth instead of what he says goes. god loves me and i know he will make a way for me .

princesas2005