the nightmare never stops!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 50
the nightmare never stops!!!!!
my 39 yr. old alcoholic son left the area 6 months ago. for about 4 weeks noone knew where he was - was he dead or alive. finally he called from new mexico to say he was getting a job at an oil company and was going to be making "big bucks". well that job fell thru and then he announced he was moving to gulfport, ms. to "sell furniture". well...that job fell thru and he called about a week ago to say he was in new orleans (one of the BEST places for an alcoholic), doing what i had no idea - later found out he was selling grandfather clocks!!!!!!! i'm getting calls now (probably with the holiday approaching), telling me he's coming back. he has 2 beautiful children who have got nothing from him in all this time. his ex-wife is remarried and the children are even calling her new husband daddy (which i don't blame them - their real father is no daddy at all). he's disappointed those kids so often. the boy (7) is beginning to see what his real dad is like but his daughter (5) still looks up to her (real) daddy.
he called last night (drunk of course) from new orleans to say he's coming back on saturday. i told him he can spend christmas at my house but he must leave after that. he said he has a job lined up and a place to stay (with a friend he met in one of his rehab places). he was in a real "state" on the phone - telling me he had demons - he can't eat, sleep. what he needs is a psychiatrist - really!!!!! he has BIG problems. i don't know how to handle him anymore. i'm so distanced from him from all he's put our family thru and i'll be honest - i love him (he's my son) but i don't like him at all anymore. i dread being with him - i don't know what to say anymore. i'm sure he's spent the last 6 months on a binge, living god knows how or where or with who. i pray he isn't bringing a disease back with him. he can be so nasty and cruel when he talks (when he's been drinking). even when you tell him you will let him stay in your house he shoots his mouth off when you say something he doesn't like or agree with. he's a beligerant, rude person, and i'm ashamed to say, as his mother, i don't like him at all anymore.
i wish i could have him committed somehow. i don't have the funds to get him psychiatric help. he's gone thru so many rehab programs. what he needs when he gets back from this "trip" is a detox and real help - not jumping into a job. he won't listen to me tho - about nothing. i told him he needs to get a job, get medical benefits and seek the help of a psychiatrist. his answer was "no way" - he needs to go to Dr. Phill!!!!! i think all of his brain is gone at this point.
well, if nothing else, i've vented (that helps believe me). i don't know what i can do but let him go (which is what i've been doing for years now). problem is.....just when you get used to not having the problem around, it keeps on coming back!!!!!!!
thanks for listening and if anyone has any suggestions, please advise me.
lucy
he called last night (drunk of course) from new orleans to say he's coming back on saturday. i told him he can spend christmas at my house but he must leave after that. he said he has a job lined up and a place to stay (with a friend he met in one of his rehab places). he was in a real "state" on the phone - telling me he had demons - he can't eat, sleep. what he needs is a psychiatrist - really!!!!! he has BIG problems. i don't know how to handle him anymore. i'm so distanced from him from all he's put our family thru and i'll be honest - i love him (he's my son) but i don't like him at all anymore. i dread being with him - i don't know what to say anymore. i'm sure he's spent the last 6 months on a binge, living god knows how or where or with who. i pray he isn't bringing a disease back with him. he can be so nasty and cruel when he talks (when he's been drinking). even when you tell him you will let him stay in your house he shoots his mouth off when you say something he doesn't like or agree with. he's a beligerant, rude person, and i'm ashamed to say, as his mother, i don't like him at all anymore.
i wish i could have him committed somehow. i don't have the funds to get him psychiatric help. he's gone thru so many rehab programs. what he needs when he gets back from this "trip" is a detox and real help - not jumping into a job. he won't listen to me tho - about nothing. i told him he needs to get a job, get medical benefits and seek the help of a psychiatrist. his answer was "no way" - he needs to go to Dr. Phill!!!!! i think all of his brain is gone at this point.
well, if nothing else, i've vented (that helps believe me). i don't know what i can do but let him go (which is what i've been doing for years now). problem is.....just when you get used to not having the problem around, it keeps on coming back!!!!!!!
thanks for listening and if anyone has any suggestions, please advise me.
lucy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
(((lucybooz)))
I feel for you. You remind me of my grandmother. Her son, my uncle, has had a drug problem for years and years. He was on heroin. Lost his job (as a cop) years ago when they realized some of the stunts he was pulling on the streets, lost his beautiful wife and son who now live in a gorgeous house in the suburbs with her new boyfriend, and pretty much lost all of our respect. He is a manipulator and a liar through and through. I remember one time they were all in the hospital thinking he had an aneurism, it was actually drug related, the doc ended up saying he had given him enough painkillers to kill a horse- that's when the truth came out.
When I was little I admired him- he was so damn good looking and charming and wherever he was- there was the party. He too me to a bar when I was 14! But as I grew up I saw he was such a jerk- he was having sex with the woman who did his wife's nails... his best friend's girlfriend... etc.... When my grandfather died in 2003, he tried to steal his hunting rifles and fought with people at the wake that he didn't like-- people he's hurt in the past and now had to face them. The stories could go on and on. He's crazy.
My grandmother is not one even remotely capable of understanding detachment or any principles of Al Anon or recovery. She tried going to meetings at some rehabs but would just sit there and say, "But he's MY son," until everyone else got sufficiently disgusted. But she was more peaceful when he'd disappear after some big blowout. She;d worry but things were calmer. Then he'd return with a favor- I need money for rent and food and my car, I need clothes, I have nowhere to live, can me and my gf live in your basement? (He and this chick even went on the Howard Stern show where she showed her boobs for $500 or $1000, can't remember...) And then after they'd do him favors, he would still be nasty, disrespectful, rude, until he got himself kicked out again.
Anyway, last year he got arrested. He's in a court-ordered rehab facility for 2 years or something. He now has Hep C, but he's supposedly clean, and he's working now having gotten trained in some sort of electrical work I think. I just saw him last weekend at my grandmother's birthday party and will see him again on Dec 23rd (they won't let them out for Christmas). He's still a little arrogant and he said soemthing inappropriate to me bue I guess he'll always have his personalityon some level; I have thought for many years now that he is also 'crazy,' that his brain is just fried. In fact he was the main addict in my life that I always compared my ex too- I said my ex isn't that bad because he acted nothing like my uncle!! But right now for us there is hope for him, and he seems to be taking his sobriety seriously. He had me hold his cup for him when he went to the bathroom or out to smoke to make sure he didn't pick up any cups with alcohol, etc.
Sorry this was so long but I just wanted to tell you that I relate to the crazy and I understand the insanity from seeing what my grandma and family have lived through with my uncle. We did let him go and he did get sick and arrested- but some good might come out of it now. So I guess my message is that there's always hope. Just try your best to keep your hands off his problems, hard as it is.
As far as Christas, perhaps you could set some boundaries for the kind of behavior you expect while he is in your house, and then set consequences for if they're broken.
Sorry this is such a rough time for you; I swear you remind me of my grandma (her pain, not her thickheaded inability to learn coping skills). My prayers for you, your son, and your family.
I feel for you. You remind me of my grandmother. Her son, my uncle, has had a drug problem for years and years. He was on heroin. Lost his job (as a cop) years ago when they realized some of the stunts he was pulling on the streets, lost his beautiful wife and son who now live in a gorgeous house in the suburbs with her new boyfriend, and pretty much lost all of our respect. He is a manipulator and a liar through and through. I remember one time they were all in the hospital thinking he had an aneurism, it was actually drug related, the doc ended up saying he had given him enough painkillers to kill a horse- that's when the truth came out.
When I was little I admired him- he was so damn good looking and charming and wherever he was- there was the party. He too me to a bar when I was 14! But as I grew up I saw he was such a jerk- he was having sex with the woman who did his wife's nails... his best friend's girlfriend... etc.... When my grandfather died in 2003, he tried to steal his hunting rifles and fought with people at the wake that he didn't like-- people he's hurt in the past and now had to face them. The stories could go on and on. He's crazy.
My grandmother is not one even remotely capable of understanding detachment or any principles of Al Anon or recovery. She tried going to meetings at some rehabs but would just sit there and say, "But he's MY son," until everyone else got sufficiently disgusted. But she was more peaceful when he'd disappear after some big blowout. She;d worry but things were calmer. Then he'd return with a favor- I need money for rent and food and my car, I need clothes, I have nowhere to live, can me and my gf live in your basement? (He and this chick even went on the Howard Stern show where she showed her boobs for $500 or $1000, can't remember...) And then after they'd do him favors, he would still be nasty, disrespectful, rude, until he got himself kicked out again.
Anyway, last year he got arrested. He's in a court-ordered rehab facility for 2 years or something. He now has Hep C, but he's supposedly clean, and he's working now having gotten trained in some sort of electrical work I think. I just saw him last weekend at my grandmother's birthday party and will see him again on Dec 23rd (they won't let them out for Christmas). He's still a little arrogant and he said soemthing inappropriate to me bue I guess he'll always have his personalityon some level; I have thought for many years now that he is also 'crazy,' that his brain is just fried. In fact he was the main addict in my life that I always compared my ex too- I said my ex isn't that bad because he acted nothing like my uncle!! But right now for us there is hope for him, and he seems to be taking his sobriety seriously. He had me hold his cup for him when he went to the bathroom or out to smoke to make sure he didn't pick up any cups with alcohol, etc.
Sorry this was so long but I just wanted to tell you that I relate to the crazy and I understand the insanity from seeing what my grandma and family have lived through with my uncle. We did let him go and he did get sick and arrested- but some good might come out of it now. So I guess my message is that there's always hope. Just try your best to keep your hands off his problems, hard as it is.
As far as Christas, perhaps you could set some boundaries for the kind of behavior you expect while he is in your house, and then set consequences for if they're broken.
Sorry this is such a rough time for you; I swear you remind me of my grandma (her pain, not her thickheaded inability to learn coping skills). My prayers for you, your son, and your family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
Do not let him stay in your house! Pay for a room at a local hotel for a day or two, and let him stay there. If he gets back inside your home, the insanity and chaos that follows an alcoholic may not leave.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: denver,co
Posts: 8
One More Thing My Husband Told Me That He Had Demons In Him And That They Only Come Out When He Drinks Know I Am A Christian And I Told My Husband If This Is True Then You Need To Repent Of Your Sins And Reach For The Light Because Humans Can Only Do So Much For A Person But God Can Save All .
Princesas
Princesas
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