First Timer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mays landing nj
Posts: 168
First Timer
Hi I was so happy to find this site. When I quit smoking I lived on quitnet for a very long time and yes it worked. I have been living with active alcoholism for well over 20 years, my dad. Even though I haven't lived with him it didn't matter. Last weekend I am hoping for me was the last straw he drank so much that according to the ER doctor he was surprised he was still alive and did infact cause a stroke etc.. From what I hear, more lies, I figure yet again he refuses to accept that he is an alcoholic and is not attending treatment. Hospital gave him some drugs and he claims he'll see how that goes. Sorry just not good enough. I can't put myself through this any longer and am trying to hold onto my decision, even in light of the fact that yes of course it is the holidays and he has tried to ruin them again. Please send advice .. hope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 20
I am so happy you found this site. I know the short time I have been here it has made all the differance in the world for me.
Sometimes we all wonder why our parents or parent-in-laws act as they do. When I get in times that really get trying, the only thing I can remember to get through moment is "parents are people too".
As much as we wish they would act better than the next guy, sometimes they act just like the rest of us.
I have never been in this type of situation you are having to deal with each day. This is the season of Hope and Peace and I pray that you are able to find these things in the coming days.
Keep posting! Everyone here will help you!!
Sometimes we all wonder why our parents or parent-in-laws act as they do. When I get in times that really get trying, the only thing I can remember to get through moment is "parents are people too".
As much as we wish they would act better than the next guy, sometimes they act just like the rest of us.
I have never been in this type of situation you are having to deal with each day. This is the season of Hope and Peace and I pray that you are able to find these things in the coming days.
Keep posting! Everyone here will help you!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
Welcome Jacksdaughter!
I would suggest you check out the Friends & Family forums and especially read the sticky's at the top. Glad you found us and I know you will find a ton of love and support here.
hugs ~
deedee
I would suggest you check out the Friends & Family forums and especially read the sticky's at the top. Glad you found us and I know you will find a ton of love and support here.
hugs ~
deedee
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Welcome!!!
You have come to a really great support site for you while you learn more about recovery from addiction and alcoholism. The Friends and Family Forums are just filled with compassionate and wise people willing to share similar experiences, plus their strength and hope with you.
Check it out!
You have come to a really great support site for you while you learn more about recovery from addiction and alcoholism. The Friends and Family Forums are just filled with compassionate and wise people willing to share similar experiences, plus their strength and hope with you.
Check it out!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hi JacksDaughter... You know how I can tell if someone will benefit from the Friends and Family forums?
Our screen names.... usually a dead giveaway!
As you can see, it was my Sister's addictions that got me here; but I am also the daughter of two alcoholics, married one, gave birth to two kids who developed addiction.... and am an alcoholic myself.
I did not get into a program when my folks were drinking and making my life hell. I did not find a 12-step program to stop my own drinking, nor when I married an alcoholic. It took another 20 years before my kids addictions took me so far into the pit, I thought I might never be happy again.
THEN was when I joined Alanon. Because only then was I in enough pain that I was willing to try ANYTHING to make it stop.
It is always my hope that the folks I meet here don't have to endure as much pain as I did before reaching out for help. I hope your first post here is a sign you are ready to accept help.... I know how hard that part is.
There are some Alanon meetings with an "adult child" of alcoholics focus to the meetings, but I have found that almost any of the Alanon meetings gives me information I can use. I urge you to check out a good 5 or 6 meetings (before passing judgment on whether they will work for you) to see if you like what they have to say.
They saved my life. And made it better.
I wish you well, JacksDaughter. (((hugs)))
Our screen names.... usually a dead giveaway!
As you can see, it was my Sister's addictions that got me here; but I am also the daughter of two alcoholics, married one, gave birth to two kids who developed addiction.... and am an alcoholic myself.
I did not get into a program when my folks were drinking and making my life hell. I did not find a 12-step program to stop my own drinking, nor when I married an alcoholic. It took another 20 years before my kids addictions took me so far into the pit, I thought I might never be happy again.
THEN was when I joined Alanon. Because only then was I in enough pain that I was willing to try ANYTHING to make it stop.
It is always my hope that the folks I meet here don't have to endure as much pain as I did before reaching out for help. I hope your first post here is a sign you are ready to accept help.... I know how hard that part is.
There are some Alanon meetings with an "adult child" of alcoholics focus to the meetings, but I have found that almost any of the Alanon meetings gives me information I can use. I urge you to check out a good 5 or 6 meetings (before passing judgment on whether they will work for you) to see if you like what they have to say.
They saved my life. And made it better.
I wish you well, JacksDaughter. (((hugs)))
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Hi JD,
Welcome! There's lots of support here for you. Check out the Friends and Family forum if you haven't already. Lots of people there who feel the same way.
Besides Alanon meetings, if you so choose, there are also ACOA meetings and groups (Adult Children of Alcoholics) which you might find helpful.
I know if feels like your Dad is doing this just to ruin things..but he's sick. That's not an excuse, it's a reality. Most addicts/alkies don't want to hurt their loved ones, but their sickness takes over their mind and when active in addiction they forgot about anything but the substance.
I'm sorry you are hurting, but glad you joined us.
Welcome! There's lots of support here for you. Check out the Friends and Family forum if you haven't already. Lots of people there who feel the same way.
Besides Alanon meetings, if you so choose, there are also ACOA meetings and groups (Adult Children of Alcoholics) which you might find helpful.
I know if feels like your Dad is doing this just to ruin things..but he's sick. That's not an excuse, it's a reality. Most addicts/alkies don't want to hurt their loved ones, but their sickness takes over their mind and when active in addiction they forgot about anything but the substance.
I'm sorry you are hurting, but glad you joined us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mays landing nj
Posts: 168
Thank you to all... I knew I would find help here. I will check out the friends and family forum now that I finally figured out how to post. Took me a while duh.... Also going to look into ACOA meetings locally. I know my dad probably isn't doing it on purpose, I also know he is a very sick man, however, I need to finally start healing myself and in the process hopefully he will find the strenght to heal himself. If not, there is nothing I can hope to do except maybe break the cycle.
Thank you thank you ... thank you!
Thank you thank you ... thank you!
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I need to finally start healing myself and in the process hopefully he will find the strenght to heal himself. If not, there is nothing I can hope to do except maybe break the cycle.
I don't know about South Jersey beyond Pt. Pleasant...hope you have as many good meetings as we do up here.
Garden variety drunk
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Laramie, Wy
Posts: 13
Hi, JD. I know you're sad that alcoholism is killing your dad, and I'm glad you've decided it doesn't have to kill you, too.
Such an enormous wave of damage rolling down through the generations of my family, and to think it stops with me, that I found a solution, and I get the gift of sanity and survival. It amazes me.
Dunno exactly why this thought popped into my head on reading your post. I just write what the voices tell me.
Such an enormous wave of damage rolling down through the generations of my family, and to think it stops with me, that I found a solution, and I get the gift of sanity and survival. It amazes me.
Dunno exactly why this thought popped into my head on reading your post. I just write what the voices tell me.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 33
Jacksdaughter,
Al-Anon may also be of assistance.
How do I find a meeting?
Al-Anon may be listed in the white pages of your local telephone directory. Cities with local information services are listed on our Web site. Many of those listed post meeting information on their Web sites. For meeting information in Canada, the US, and Puerto Rico you can call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET.
Al-Anon may also be of assistance.
How do I find a meeting?
Al-Anon may be listed in the white pages of your local telephone directory. Cities with local information services are listed on our Web site. Many of those listed post meeting information on their Web sites. For meeting information in Canada, the US, and Puerto Rico you can call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET.
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