Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oakland, CA
Posts: 8
Help
I typed and deleted so many subject headings to this thread, trying to be witty, trying to say what I'm going through in a succinct, clever little phrase, but in the end that one word says it all.
I just joined this site tonight, in an act of desparation after yet another relapse. I've been hooked on more drugs than I can name here; the worst have been percocet and lortab (perscribed after surgeries by docs who have no problem with refilling until the end of time), which I've taken on and off for the past 18 months. My highest dosage was 10-12 lortabs (Hydrocodone 10/500) a day for maybe a month or so.
I went to a doc to get off them, he perscribed me subutex. Instead of merely taking away the withdrawl, it also gave me a lovely opiate high that lasted 3-4 times longer than that of perc or lortab. I liked 'em too much, flushed the rest after a couple weeks. Went back on the lortab about 3 weeks later. Then off. Then on. Tens...dozens...lord, it feels like hundreds of times.
Alcohol has been a MAJOR problem; I never drank a lot, or every day, but when I do it alters my personality alarmingly and I get myself into awful situations I need not describe here. I haven't had a drink in two months (following a disaster at my boyfriend's sister's wedding...uuugh)
The opiates and alcohol have the most profound effect on my personality, emotional state, and life in general. Lately, however, after getting off both, I've been easing my anxiety with klonopin and lorazepam. Sure enough...now I'm hooked on those, too.
It never ends. It's a month sober, then a new drug. Or I go back to an old one. My bf has been outrageously supportive but the toll my lifestyle is taking on our six-year relationship is enough to break us both if I don't stop now. We've been to counseling, which helped tremendously. Now for the next step. I know I need to go to AA/NA, I just need some support on this forum to get me there...and let me know there really are other people out there who are struggling with the same issues and who don't get wasted at all the holiday parties.
Thanks for reading all this. Thank you for being here.
Katie
I just joined this site tonight, in an act of desparation after yet another relapse. I've been hooked on more drugs than I can name here; the worst have been percocet and lortab (perscribed after surgeries by docs who have no problem with refilling until the end of time), which I've taken on and off for the past 18 months. My highest dosage was 10-12 lortabs (Hydrocodone 10/500) a day for maybe a month or so.
I went to a doc to get off them, he perscribed me subutex. Instead of merely taking away the withdrawl, it also gave me a lovely opiate high that lasted 3-4 times longer than that of perc or lortab. I liked 'em too much, flushed the rest after a couple weeks. Went back on the lortab about 3 weeks later. Then off. Then on. Tens...dozens...lord, it feels like hundreds of times.
Alcohol has been a MAJOR problem; I never drank a lot, or every day, but when I do it alters my personality alarmingly and I get myself into awful situations I need not describe here. I haven't had a drink in two months (following a disaster at my boyfriend's sister's wedding...uuugh)
The opiates and alcohol have the most profound effect on my personality, emotional state, and life in general. Lately, however, after getting off both, I've been easing my anxiety with klonopin and lorazepam. Sure enough...now I'm hooked on those, too.
It never ends. It's a month sober, then a new drug. Or I go back to an old one. My bf has been outrageously supportive but the toll my lifestyle is taking on our six-year relationship is enough to break us both if I don't stop now. We've been to counseling, which helped tremendously. Now for the next step. I know I need to go to AA/NA, I just need some support on this forum to get me there...and let me know there really are other people out there who are struggling with the same issues and who don't get wasted at all the holiday parties.
Thanks for reading all this. Thank you for being here.
Katie
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Katie (my daughter's name)
Welcome to SR. You are not alone.
As people show up they will post. Many have come by here that have been in your shoes and found the needed support and solutions.
You will also.
Above the blue line on each board you will find posts that say sticky beside them. A good place to start in gathering some insights would be reading the stickies.
Again...welcome. Glad you signed in and are on your way towards solutions.
Welcome to SR. You are not alone.
As people show up they will post. Many have come by here that have been in your shoes and found the needed support and solutions.
You will also.
Above the blue line on each board you will find posts that say sticky beside them. A good place to start in gathering some insights would be reading the stickies.
Again...welcome. Glad you signed in and are on your way towards solutions.
Nivosa
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Arvada, CO
Posts: 17
Katie,
I know all too well where your coming from. I am a recovering alcoholic, but it seems that it's more whatevers handy at the time, hell even coffee..........I wish there were an easy way to just put the whole mess down, but it is around us all the time. Honesty and perseverance are all we have, one day at a time. If you need to go back to the doc about the opiates, ask about Syboxone, it's relatively new and only prescribed by certain docs, but it really works in relation to opiates and craving/withdrawl. Good luck to you and if you need anything just write!
Rick
I know all too well where your coming from. I am a recovering alcoholic, but it seems that it's more whatevers handy at the time, hell even coffee..........I wish there were an easy way to just put the whole mess down, but it is around us all the time. Honesty and perseverance are all we have, one day at a time. If you need to go back to the doc about the opiates, ask about Syboxone, it's relatively new and only prescribed by certain docs, but it really works in relation to opiates and craving/withdrawl. Good luck to you and if you need anything just write!
Rick
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hey Katie... I joined AA after being sober for 20 years, and only after I went to Alanon first.
For me, 12-step programs, working the steps and studying the 12 traditions has made an incredible improvement in my life.
You have my vote and my admiration. I hope you can find a meeting today.
(((hugs)))
For me, 12-step programs, working the steps and studying the 12 traditions has made an incredible improvement in my life.
You have my vote and my admiration. I hope you can find a meeting today.
(((hugs)))
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Hi Katie,
I saw you come on last night on the Substance Forum, a great place to start! There is alot of support here for anyone who is struggling.
If you are thinking about meetings, don't delay...you don't need anyone to ok you going. Just pick a meeting and show up, and let us know how it goes!
My husband is the addict in my life, so I'm usually on the other side of the fence, but I took special notice of your post because of your name.
The Bunnicula series used to be my favorite books as a kid, and barely anyone else has heard of them!! I had a huge smile when I saw your name.
Thanks for joining us!
I saw you come on last night on the Substance Forum, a great place to start! There is alot of support here for anyone who is struggling.
If you are thinking about meetings, don't delay...you don't need anyone to ok you going. Just pick a meeting and show up, and let us know how it goes!
My husband is the addict in my life, so I'm usually on the other side of the fence, but I took special notice of your post because of your name.
The Bunnicula series used to be my favorite books as a kid, and barely anyone else has heard of them!! I had a huge smile when I saw your name.
Thanks for joining us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oakland, CA
Posts: 8
Thank you all for your responses. They are helping a lot during this hellish time. Meggie, love that you got the bunnicula reference.
So far I've been immobilized with panic...can't believe I'm going through this again. Luckily this day is most of the way over...
So far I've been immobilized with panic...can't believe I'm going through this again. Luckily this day is most of the way over...
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