CatsTail

What are unacceptable behaviors to you?

A couple for me are lying in any form, omission, outright, living a lie.

Any kind of abuse verbal,psychological,emotional,physical.

Infidelity


Cat

denny57

Anything that makes me feel I am compromising my core beliefs.

prodigal

Not taking responsibility for oneself, which covers a myriad of sins and omissions. Minimizing damage done to others. Hanging onto behaviors that no longer work, still getting the same crummy results, yet unwilling or unable to change.

JessicaNAJ

I agree, I agree, I agree All of the above!

AllTooSober

All of the above PLUS keeping me awake on purpose.

an'ka

Allowing your loved ones to shoulder the brunt of YOUR responsibilities while sitting idly by.

Not taking care of your child and then pouting when she doesn't know who you are and treats you as a stranger.

Blaming present behaviors on childhood traumas, parental misdeeds, people's transgressions, etc.

Playing guilt trips.

JessicaNAJ

oooohhh....good one an'ka

embraced2000

i started earlier to post and then got busy....so after some thought i realized how much my values have changed since i've started in recovery.

along the way, at any given time, my unnacceptables would have been different on a monthly basis. amazing.

i'm anxious to examine my unnacceptables 6 months from now.

thoughtful thread.....a little lightbulb moment for me, here.

thanks cats
love to you
jeri

Cynay

Inconsistent behavior is one that I really struggle with because I never feel safe with someone that changes their minds and actions all the time. Feels like headgames to me.

Another is lack of respect.

StandingStrong

As embraced mentioned, I have noticed that my own set of what is unacceptable has changed since I began my recovery too. It also continues to change.
For me, it's not so much the things that I won't accept anymore that's the problem. Setting, keeping, and enforcing boundaries are the things I need to work on most. It is the enforcing part that I am working on as my own actions must back up my feelings, my beliefs, and my words.

I'm sure my list would probably be long to post as well as it continues to grow as I recover. I'd also have a hard time clarifying them right now as it's late and I'm tired. But I do agree that the ones that have mentioned so far are all good ones.

mazey

I agree, since I'm in recovery mode, my unacceptable behaviors have changed. I was accepting/denying/ignoring way too many things that weren't acceptable and had come to believe I was asking too much, wanting too much...all things that are stable, and healthy...I'd lost myself so badly. My own fault and sickness.
Agree with all above and blaming others for any misfortune he'd been given, he always had a chip on his shoulder. We had become so frequently such opposites..I appreciated the half cup full, and he blamed everything/body for only having a half a cup!
Biggies: lying and thinking I'd believe him, falling down drunk, making promises/offers and not following thru(you with kids, I don't know how you do it.) abuse! ETC......!!!!!

deax

Yep.

embraced2000

i can remember the days that if he didn't hit me.....it was an acceptable day. never mind that he was verbally abusing the hell outta me...ranting, raging, blaming, threatening.

i remember days that if my children didn't drop by....it was an acceptable day because they wouldn't see. never mind that my friends didn't stop by, either, because they could not stand to see. but that was ok. cause the "tantruming monster of alcoholism" was pacified....for the moment. shhhhh....don't wake the baby.

never again. never again. never, ever again will i live like that.

love to all
jeri

WantsOut

My list:

Drinking or drugging every night
Physical abuse of anyone
Abuse of animals
Verbal abuse of children
Driving drunk

CatsTail

Disrespecting boundaries.

Incongruent behavior between words and actions.

Cat