lilac

I know that this is just manipulation, but...............AH told me the other day that he was glad I am at least still talking to him during Christmas, because when I moved out in October, he was gonna put two guns to head and pull the trigger. I know it is him, but I would have major problems with forgiving myself......

The house if full of guns, he collects them.........If he gets tanked one night, I don't know.

I don't want to go back to what my life was before I left, or be with someone because I feel guilty. So sad.....

denny57

((((lilac))))

It is manipulation - even if he goes through with it. It is sad, and I hope you find joy in your life in the future.

AllTooSober

I know how you feel lilac--mine has threatened the same thing and I haven't even left him yet. I can't stay just because he might harm himself if I go, yet the guilt would be HUGE. Others have handled this by calling 911 when their A calls them threatening to do harm to themselves... do you think this would work for you?

lilac

The 911 call I will keep in mind for future reference. Thank you all .....
It is so nice to be able to say things here on this forum and have people who have been there understand.

an'ka

Manipulation, plain and simple. My AH told me on several occasions, even in the last two weeks after returning from rehab, that if he had the guts, he would just shoot himself. Or that he wants to fall sleep and never wake up. I told him that he can do whatever he wishes, but he needs to stop this shameless blackmail. He said that I am a horrible counselor (I am a voc rehab counselor by profession) .

sketscher

been there too. I have one pistol that my dad bought for me years ago. I used to keep it loaded and near me at night since I lived/live alone. When exabf stayed with me one night he asked to see it. I tried talking to him but (which I know now is pointless) and then he just passed out. He didn't remember that. The next day I hid the pistol and the bullets separately.

about a month ago I was recounting to him that I was afraid driving over this bridge in this snow storm we had and he said he didn't care, the worst that could happen would be he drove off it and died, so what. YET he wears a seat belt so DUH he obviously is full of it.

not much advice I know just wanted to say know where you are coming from.

AllTooSober

Mine's made motions toward his shotgun and I always tell him "That's a bad idea," and then he says he'd never kill himself because of what it'd to to his PARENTS. Never mind me. (Not that it's bad to care how your actions affect your parents!!) Of course anytime I bring up the effects his actions and words have on me, he reacts by telling me how selfish I am and how maybe I should be more concerned about HIM, since he's the one who wants to kill himself. Aaaargh.

LIFEOUTTHERE

My STBXAH told me that he was going to kill himself several time. I had heard it for weeks. One afternoon I had really had a bad day and he called and told me he was going to go buy some bullets. I told him go ahead, buy the bullets and do what you gotta do, I am tired of you talking about it. He has not said anything else about killing himself.

A couple of weeks later he told me that he would never kill himself over me that he was just trying to get my attention, and those were his exact words.

deax

Yeah I've heard this one, too. Scared me at first because he has scars all over his arms from when he was young and used to be a cutter. And he kills himself slowly through his lifestyle. Last time he told me after the fact (a big fight we had) that he wanted to kill himself, but he can't even write a suicide note, "how pathetic is that?" I went off on him and told him never to say such a thing to me again.

These days, I release myself from any responsibility for him. First, I don't think he'd ever do it, he's lived through worse than anything going on right now in his life. Second, I know that man knows I loved him and would never want to see him dead- never. What he does beyond that is out of my hands. However that's not to say if I reallythought he'd do it I wouldn't take action (call 911, whatever).

Sorry you have to deal with this, lilac. It's the worst, especially if you think it's a real possibility. Most of the time I think there's a lot of truth to what Life said- people who say this stuff often stop when it gets no reaction. But only you know what he's actually capable of. (hugs)

atalose

Whether it's total manipulation or not, drama and control or not, the fact remains he is in a house filled with guns.
Strongly consider calling 911 if he makes that threat again. The guilt would be huge and something you may never over come. Take the guns out of the equation.

AllTooSober

I can hide the shotgun but I'd be too afraid to try and unload it, or even check to see if it needs unloading. I know nothing about handling them safely.

Zoey

I would call 911, if he is serious it would save a life, if not I bet he doesn't mention it again after haveing to face police.
Haven't we all heard that we need to take each threat seriously, because we never know.

Tape his calls. So you have proof for police. Even just one would do. Just my opinion.

CatsTail

It's all their little poor me manipulations.

And anyway if someone REALLY wants to kill themselves there isn't a thing on earth anyone can do about it.

Ngaire

Janitw

The one and only time my ex said he was going to off himself with a gun I told him that I would help him with that chore...you get the gun and load it and I will pull the trigger for ya......he didnt know whether or not to believe me and never did mention it again...hmmmm. Food for thought isnt it - I think sometimes they dont quite know how far they have pushed us and sometimes when we dont react with loud voices and fast movements thats when they questions whats going on in OUR heads....they ususally wont push that last button.

FormerDoormat

"Of course anytime I bring up the effects his actions and words have on me, he reacts by telling me how selfish I am and how maybe I should be more concerned about HIM, since he's the one who wants to kill himself."

Yep, that's us. We're all a bunch of selfish, heartless witches. ATS, I hope you're moving forward with your plans to find a place of your own.

StandingStrong

Threats are manipulation. Regardless of what the threat is. It's just that - a threat. Not unlike the many threats that a codependant makes, such as the "if you drink again, I'll leave you". It's a threat being made in order to get what a person wants - just as the person threatening suicide is threatening in order to get what they want.
If the matter of suicide is something that you may think he's serious about - it's time you take action. Not just for him and his well being, but for your own well being. Living with the guilt if he'd actually do it would be very hard to deal with. Sitting there doing nothing is not the answer though - just as giving in to what he wants is not the answer either. A person that threatens suicide is not stable in their mental health.

Mental illness, threatening, manipulation, or seeking help by mentioning the suicide threat ---- all are a sign of a much deeper issue than any of us are probably qualified to handle.

LizzyP

My AH does this too. Has threatened several times throughout our marriage that he was going to kill himself. I started going back to a counselor last week. He said some things that helped me: For me not to be held hostage by the AH mental illness. Counselor also told me AH would more than likely be upset by certain actions I was taking to take care of myself, and therefore I should be prepared that he would threaten suicide again.

He hasn't yet. If he does, my thinking now is I'll probably tell him that is a dangerous choice he is making for himself, hang up, and call 911.

mallowcup

Who knows what an alcoholic would do with a gun intentionally or accidentally. At some point he will shoot someone or something, windows, the dog, himself, the neighbor, the car, the ceiling, his foot, your foot......If he verbalized specific intentions, call th police and 911 to have him hauled of to the mental health unit. It is certainly enough to get an order of protection and have the guns taken away. If he were really serious, he'd probably just do it without talking about it but who knows? If he has loaded guns and talks about the guns when he's drunk, at some point he'll go drag one out. There's just no happy ending to that scenerio.

embraced2000

towards the end of my relationship with xah, i detached from the constant crisis and chaos....everytime he would threaten those things like suicide, i treated it like anyother person who had done said same thing. i called 911 and calmly stated that he had threatened to kill himself. yeah, the local 911 got real desensitized to hearing these calls....but i was calm, cool, collected and just kept reacting just like i would to someone else.

after several of these incidents, at least xah learned not to spout these ridiculous threats my way, cause he got tired of sobering up in the mental ward.

which leads me to another question....he seemed to have control enough to stop saying he was gonna kill himself because in the end, it inconvenienced him sobering up in the mental ward....if he had enough control to stop doing that, then where is the control to stop hurting others so badly with his horrible words and actions???? makes you think, huh???

love to all
jeri

AllTooSober

Last night I decided to move the shotgun to a different spot. I didn't hide it, as it is easily visible, but it's in a part of the house where he hardly ever goes, especially when drunk.

Thanks FD I am still working on finding my own place.