sisterray

I mentioned this in another post, and someone told me it is wrong to take kids to visit in jail. I had thought about this, but guess I'm too close to the situation. The baby just turned one last month. The other kids will be at their dad's on Christmas eve. So is it morally wrong to take the baby to see him? Please advise-i need input. Thank you, Lori

denny57

I don't think it's morally wrong - how about asking your child's doctor?

elizabeth1979

Morally wrong.
Thats really not something anyone else can decide for anyone else. We all have different morals. Some people think its morally wrong to have sex before marriage. Some people think its morally wrong to have a child without being married. Some people think its morally wrong to be judgemental of others.
Morals, in my opinion are judgement calls you make applicable to your own life, in a fashion that works for you.

I do not have children and I was never exposed to jail as a child, only as an adult when with my ex, who was an active alcoholic.

Im sure some more folks will be along
You had said before that you were trying to perk up the babys father a little.
How do you mean?

FormerDoormat

I don't think he's of an age that he will have any memory of the visits, but I would question whether it's a safe place to bring him. I agree with Denny, I'd ask his pediatrician.

sisterray

As far as safe, we don't come into any contact with any inmates there. It is regular jail. We go into the courhouse, take an elevator, and a police officer leads us to a private room. The visit is in a little room with glass inbetween us and dad, and we talk on the phone. It is clean. I will ask his pediatrician though. Good advice. As far as perking up dad, that's not all that important, he is having his consequences. He was just missing the baby, and I didn't see any harm in taking him. Thanks for the advice. Lori

sisterray

I would never put my baby in danger.

Think it is time to quit talking and asking questions, and just read and absorb.

I still want to hear nice, and need to get over that!

But it is great to at least know there are other people out there who have gone through this. Thanks again. Lori

FormerDoormat

I think the answer is to do what you think is right for yourself, your children, and your husband and not worry what others think of you or the decisions you make. As the partners of addicts, we tend to spend too much time second-guessing ourselves, and that's just wasted energy. I'll let you get on with your reading; there's much to learn about the disease of alcoholism and much wisdom to be gained from the folks here on the Friends & Family forum.

mazey

They are right, only YOU can decide what is best for you and your child.....
He won't have any memory of it, or probable ramifications. I guess the thought of taking a child to a jail just sounds alarming. Jail......sounds alarming! Most Drs. I have known would be initially mortified to think of jail, just because of their mindsets/lives, so hopefully, if you ask your pediatrician they will be openminded. FDM is right, don't spend alot of time sorting this out.....you may have other life effecting things to think about.

PaperDolls

I second what FormerDoormat says. Take care of you.

sisterray

Thanks-I told him there were no openings on Sunday. I lied, but oh well. So I won't take the baby, and he can think about why he is there, and how much he misses us on Christmas. And I don't have to deal with it. I didn't put him there. He did. I really shouldn't visit him at all, I was so down all day yesterday, questioning everything, even though our visit went fine. The fact is HE IS IN JAIL. That is not a normal father/husband thing. He needs to deal with what he has done. Feel much better today! Lori

denny57

Glad you're feeling better, Lori. Yes, that questioning of myself got tiresome after 15 years. Flippin disease.

deax

Agreed.

Isn't it weird when this happens? When nothing officially goes wrong but yet something still doesn't feel right, the anxieties are kicking up out of nowhere... Maybe we have some little built-in mechanism, or maybe it's our HP, something somewhere is trying to let us know that we have more thinking and firguring out to do. I am glad too that you are feeling clearer today about what's right- for YOU.

By the way, your son is adorable. I always hope to have a son first, a little boy with blond hair. But I'm 75% Italian and 25% Cuban with dark brown hair and brown eyes- so the odds of that are slim!