Hope for Today Dec 17
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: asia
Posts: 45
Hope for Today Dec 17
Looking back to my childhood, I don't remember any secrets. I just remember not talking about certain subjects --such as sex, money, and religion. My family also had trouble communication about love, fear, insecurity, and anger
Years later my husband, 3 children, and I didn't share at all. We didn't even argue. We thought we were respecting each other by swallowing our thoughts and feelings about potentially hot topics. Actually, we were emotionally frozen.
I am grateful Al-Anon has helped me talk about almost any issue. Going to meetings and having time to share has been powerful for my recovery. I even told my 12-year old daughter about a mistake I made and the amends I had planned to correct it. She looked so surprised, as if I had given her permission to be human, too.
Today my immediate family talks about all sorts of topics. We work hard at being honest with each other, and we are closer because of it.
Thought for the day
Thank to my healthy sharing & listening experiences in Al-Anon, I can risk being my true self with family members and allow family members to risk being themselves with me.
"I will dare to be myself" Courage to change p24
Years later my husband, 3 children, and I didn't share at all. We didn't even argue. We thought we were respecting each other by swallowing our thoughts and feelings about potentially hot topics. Actually, we were emotionally frozen.
I am grateful Al-Anon has helped me talk about almost any issue. Going to meetings and having time to share has been powerful for my recovery. I even told my 12-year old daughter about a mistake I made and the amends I had planned to correct it. She looked so surprised, as if I had given her permission to be human, too.
Today my immediate family talks about all sorts of topics. We work hard at being honest with each other, and we are closer because of it.
Thought for the day
Thank to my healthy sharing & listening experiences in Al-Anon, I can risk being my true self with family members and allow family members to risk being themselves with me.
"I will dare to be myself" Courage to change p24
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: asia
Posts: 45
I am a day late. But I thought I should share this because I think it spoke to me very much as an adult child of an alcoholic and now as I try to work my way out of/understand my role in an alcoholic marriage.
From as early as I can remember I knew that while my father was a good man, I was not comfortable with his drinking. I also know my mom wasn't either - i sensed the tension and resentment in her voice and choice of words. However, once the tension of the drinking episode dissipated because of sleep etc. no more was said of our discomfort. The cycle repeated over decades. I wish I had been taught to validate what I was feeling.
I brought my ******** inability to name my emotions into my marriage, to destructive consequences. 'My alcoholic' was far superior than I was at talking out how he felt whereas I just tensed up and retreated into my own sick head. I wish I knew as I am learning now to name my emotions and to take care of me accordingly.
I really identified with the writer. If I do end up having children, I only hope I will be open with how I am feeling so that they too can feel comfortable naming their feelings
From as early as I can remember I knew that while my father was a good man, I was not comfortable with his drinking. I also know my mom wasn't either - i sensed the tension and resentment in her voice and choice of words. However, once the tension of the drinking episode dissipated because of sleep etc. no more was said of our discomfort. The cycle repeated over decades. I wish I had been taught to validate what I was feeling.
I brought my ******** inability to name my emotions into my marriage, to destructive consequences. 'My alcoholic' was far superior than I was at talking out how he felt whereas I just tensed up and retreated into my own sick head. I wish I knew as I am learning now to name my emotions and to take care of me accordingly.
I really identified with the writer. If I do end up having children, I only hope I will be open with how I am feeling so that they too can feel comfortable naming their feelings
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Thanks for sharing this, Minah.
Unfortunately, I didn't learn about this until after the end of my first marriage. We were like those people mentioned above, never fighting,but never really sharing any feelings.
I am so incredibly grateful to my program of recovery, which has taught me to be able to feel ALL of my feelings, and to remember that feelings are just feelings, and not facts.
Hugs
Cat
Unfortunately, I didn't learn about this until after the end of my first marriage. We were like those people mentioned above, never fighting,but never really sharing any feelings.
I am so incredibly grateful to my program of recovery, which has taught me to be able to feel ALL of my feelings, and to remember that feelings are just feelings, and not facts.
Hugs
Cat
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