WantsOut

Most of my recent posts have been pity parties. I'vebeen having a hard time. Just got brave enough to kick him out when I lost my job.

Now that I have survived since it happened in Oct., and I have enough resources to get me through another three months or so, I have come to realize something. The worst thing that could have happened did happen. I got rid of my drinking but high-earning husband, lost my job, and I'm okay. I'm not dancing on the corner for nickles or taking out ads in the erotic section of craigslist. I'm okay, and I'm going to be okay, and when hiring picks up in January, I'm going to find a new job and all will be well.

So, this leads to Friday night. Ex-ah came over to get the sep papers to bring to his lawyer. We've been getting along lately so I asked him if he wanted to go get a bite. When I went to get into his car there was a full beer can between the door and the seat. Some things never change. I suddenly realized that going out with him, responding to his emails, it's all got to stop. It's not fair to either one of us. There has to be clear ending.

With these thoughts swirling around my head, he calls today (Sunday) saying he wants to come over. I hem and haw. Finally I say yes, making it clear that I'm reluctant. Never one to take a hint, he came over and wanted to watch a movie. I said no thanks. Then he wanted to play scrabble. No thanks. Then he said he could tell when he was not wanted and left. I felt bad for him. He is not a bad person, he just can't stop drinking.

I flashed back to all the times he was passed out on the couch. All the times he was drunkenly weaving through the house. All the times he drove drunk.

I feel ashamed to say I'm glad he's gone and the time has come to put a stop to it for good.

Thanks for reading this far.

elizabeth1979

Im sorry you are having a hard time.
You know, you really do not have to feel ashamed for being glad he is gone.
I felt the same when I left. The sense of relief I had was overwhelming. I felt unworthy and ashamed of it. Taking care of myself, I learned, is not a shameful act.

Do you have a support system to help you through this? Al-anon has worked for me, and continues to work for me, even though Ive been away from him for many months.

sketscher

Have heard that line before "I can tell I'm not wanted". And it of course makes me feel bad but you know the reason anyone would say that is to make you feel bad.

J-Diver

Wow, sounds like you've put the "pity party" behind you too and are ready to start living again. Still a difficult time, but you sound like you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

Wishing you the very best!

I also hear that "I can tell when I'm not wanted". I usually don't feel too bad though cause its when I'm ignoring him because he is telling me some story for the umpeenth time!

Julie

mazey

What courage you have had, stay focused. Good for you. Yea, there are a ton of emotions that go with the breakup. Feel them and resolve them and you will continue to do just fine! Good luck with the job hunting in Jan. It'll get better. Peace has no pricetag....

redhot78

Don't feel bad, feel proud of yourself! You're taking charge and starting a new life that is whatever you want it to be! Good luck to you!

Cheri