One Week sober, but depressed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston Massachusetts
Posts: 41
One Week sober, but depressed
I have been sober for one week, and I'm very proud of mysef for that, however I seem to have slipped into a bout of depression, and it's making me restless.
Since as young as I can remember I've been battling with depressing. It comes and goes, and as I've gotten older I've been better at recognizing it as depression and trying not to blame myself or others. This has helped me to turn around my mood a bit quicker and try to stay positive.
But this is one of the worst bouts I've had in a about a year. My boyfriend is taking this especially hard since I'm so short with him, and get mad at him when he has to go home or go to work. But then even when we are together I am bitchy and often tell him to go away.
I can't sleep at night because my mind races. This used to be easily cured by a few glasses of wine, but obviously I'm trying to avoid that. In the past I used to write in a journal everynight, and I suppose I could start that again, but I'm nervous that my boyfriend will find it. (He's a bit nosy.)
I'm not really looking for any solutions since I know what the problem is, and I know that this too shall pass. I'm just frustrated and need to vent.
Since as young as I can remember I've been battling with depressing. It comes and goes, and as I've gotten older I've been better at recognizing it as depression and trying not to blame myself or others. This has helped me to turn around my mood a bit quicker and try to stay positive.
But this is one of the worst bouts I've had in a about a year. My boyfriend is taking this especially hard since I'm so short with him, and get mad at him when he has to go home or go to work. But then even when we are together I am bitchy and often tell him to go away.
I can't sleep at night because my mind races. This used to be easily cured by a few glasses of wine, but obviously I'm trying to avoid that. In the past I used to write in a journal everynight, and I suppose I could start that again, but I'm nervous that my boyfriend will find it. (He's a bit nosy.)
I'm not really looking for any solutions since I know what the problem is, and I know that this too shall pass. I'm just frustrated and need to vent.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi kiwi - Congratulations on your week. I'm on day 11 myself, and still struggling with not being able to sleep. I figure my body is still waiting to pass out (like it did every night) after I would drink my wine...and it forgot how to fall asleep. I understand your frustration...Hang in there!
As far as the depression, I've dealt with it on and off for years. It's scary when I feel like I'm falling into a depressive cycle. So far, I have been so relieved that I am sober, the depression hasn't been an issue. Lot's of exercise (simply walking for me) has really helped me. At first I didn't think I had the strength for it, but I make myself and feel much better afterward.
Would like to know if anything else is working for you, if you don't mind sharing, as we are both at similar points in our recovery. Hope you have a good day. Me I've been up for a while, so it's back to bed to try and catch another hour or two of sleep.
As far as the depression, I've dealt with it on and off for years. It's scary when I feel like I'm falling into a depressive cycle. So far, I have been so relieved that I am sober, the depression hasn't been an issue. Lot's of exercise (simply walking for me) has really helped me. At first I didn't think I had the strength for it, but I make myself and feel much better afterward.
Would like to know if anything else is working for you, if you don't mind sharing, as we are both at similar points in our recovery. Hope you have a good day. Me I've been up for a while, so it's back to bed to try and catch another hour or two of sleep.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Early sobriety is a roller coaster of emotional activity. You're gonna go up and down emotionally, it's a given. Apologize to your boyfriend when you flare up at him. Clue him in on the facts of early recovery. Anger and depression happen, but so do pink clouds and then comes an extremely happy life and soaring self esteem. You can do it.
You are absolutely right that this too will pass. Congrats on your sobriety! You are fighting for your life. You're fighting to change your life for the better and please have faith that you will come out of this a winner.
Because you will. Just don't pick up that glass of wine!!
ps. I found a lot of relief and got a handle on my mood swings with the help of an antidepressant. Maybe you could talk to your doctor? They really helped me work my program! I took Elavil for one year and although it's a very old antidepressant it helps because it's also a sleep aid.
You are absolutely right that this too will pass. Congrats on your sobriety! You are fighting for your life. You're fighting to change your life for the better and please have faith that you will come out of this a winner.
Because you will. Just don't pick up that glass of wine!!
ps. I found a lot of relief and got a handle on my mood swings with the help of an antidepressant. Maybe you could talk to your doctor? They really helped me work my program! I took Elavil for one year and although it's a very old antidepressant it helps because it's also a sleep aid.
Last edited by michski; 12-17-2006 at 06:41 AM. Reason: thought of another suggestion
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Hi Kiwi,
One thing I'd say is to try to be patient. A week sober is great, but it is still early and you are adjusting. The mind racing thing happened to me too because I was trying to deal with all the messes I'd made while drinking. As you move along in recovery you will adjust.
The depression may go away with a little more time sober. If it doesn't, maybe you should talk to your dr because it's possible, since you've been dealing with depression for a long time, that meds might help.
One thing I'd say is to try to be patient. A week sober is great, but it is still early and you are adjusting. The mind racing thing happened to me too because I was trying to deal with all the messes I'd made while drinking. As you move along in recovery you will adjust.
The depression may go away with a little more time sober. If it doesn't, maybe you should talk to your dr because it's possible, since you've been dealing with depression for a long time, that meds might help.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: home
Posts: 291
hi Kiwi,
you are doing great with one week!
i am moving into week 3 and have been having mood swings and mind racing as well, i consulted my therapist (md) over this and she says mood swings, mind racing, depression are inevitable for the first 30 to 60 days due to our bodies trying to readjust to a normal level (she explained alcolhol causes our brain and body functions to swing like an extreme pendulum and as we sober up it slows down slowly bit by bit until we get to the center again -- )
you just have to ride it out... but in addition i know i drank partially because of the mind racing - to calm myself - so i think some of that was there before the drinking.. -it got worse with the progressive drinking, i can see that now, but you might talk to a professional if you find the mind racing to be a trigger to drink.. there are alternatives to remove that trigger (meds)
hope this helps -
curly
you are doing great with one week!
i am moving into week 3 and have been having mood swings and mind racing as well, i consulted my therapist (md) over this and she says mood swings, mind racing, depression are inevitable for the first 30 to 60 days due to our bodies trying to readjust to a normal level (she explained alcolhol causes our brain and body functions to swing like an extreme pendulum and as we sober up it slows down slowly bit by bit until we get to the center again -- )
you just have to ride it out... but in addition i know i drank partially because of the mind racing - to calm myself - so i think some of that was there before the drinking.. -it got worse with the progressive drinking, i can see that now, but you might talk to a professional if you find the mind racing to be a trigger to drink.. there are alternatives to remove that trigger (meds)
hope this helps -
curly
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Mother Gaia
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Go Kiwi!
Hang in there, my first two weeks have been extremely emotional...all over the board, I am pretty certain it's part of this whole gig. I too, have suffered from depression off and on since my early teens, I believe it is partly what caused me to seek alcohol as a 'release' from the pressures of my life. Funny thing is, since I went off the booze...my depression has lifted and lifted....alcohol IS a depressant, what a nasty cycle!
You can do it, congrats on week 1! It will get better, fo sho!
Hang in there, my first two weeks have been extremely emotional...all over the board, I am pretty certain it's part of this whole gig. I too, have suffered from depression off and on since my early teens, I believe it is partly what caused me to seek alcohol as a 'release' from the pressures of my life. Funny thing is, since I went off the booze...my depression has lifted and lifted....alcohol IS a depressant, what a nasty cycle!
You can do it, congrats on week 1! It will get better, fo sho!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
You've been pouring a strong depressant into your body for a long time, being depressed is normal.
Also, when quitting, there's a lot of chemical changes that happen in your body.
Lastly, I've come to realize of late this. A lot of my depression was due to the fact things weren't going my way. Once I accepted life on lifes terms, things became much easier.
Also, when quitting, there's a lot of chemical changes that happen in your body.
Lastly, I've come to realize of late this. A lot of my depression was due to the fact things weren't going my way. Once I accepted life on lifes terms, things became much easier.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Depression comes and it goes. I know for me that I can still be depressed. Just take care of yourself, might want to talk to a professional about it. Early sobriety can be real difficult to handle.
Love Vic
Love Vic
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Hi there Kiwi,
Do hang in there!
For me, the first year of sobriety presented an emotional intensity that took me by surprise. One of the first sensations was the acknowledgement that I was frequently depressed and/or anxious, but that I had numbed myself with wine to get to sleep every night and had numbed myself with overwork by day to get the feeling of accomplishment as a chaser for depression, so I didn't even realize how much was going on beneath the surface.
Once the alcohol was removed from my nervous system, I was more clear on how much of the depression was fueled by the drinking and how much was there from other root causes. I find that the longer I remain sober, and work the steps of recovery which, for me, include a daily spiritual connection, the easier life is getting.
Good luck, don't quit!!
Do hang in there!
For me, the first year of sobriety presented an emotional intensity that took me by surprise. One of the first sensations was the acknowledgement that I was frequently depressed and/or anxious, but that I had numbed myself with wine to get to sleep every night and had numbed myself with overwork by day to get the feeling of accomplishment as a chaser for depression, so I didn't even realize how much was going on beneath the surface.
Once the alcohol was removed from my nervous system, I was more clear on how much of the depression was fueled by the drinking and how much was there from other root causes. I find that the longer I remain sober, and work the steps of recovery which, for me, include a daily spiritual connection, the easier life is getting.
Good luck, don't quit!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
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Hugs...
See if this helps explain
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Well done on your sober time!
See if this helps explain
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
Well done on your sober time!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston Massachusetts
Posts: 41
Thanks for all the support!
mtnmagic - i've found that the best thing for keeping my mood stable is keeping myself busy. today i went and visited my family, finished my christmas shopping and put together lunches for the work week.
when i tend to have the most trouble is late at night before i go to bed. ive finished all my productive things, and i mostly sit around and watch tv, read a book, or lay in bed. i start ruminating and dwelling on my thoughts. i used to use alcohol to distract mysel, but I think going back to journaling will help settle my mind.
mtnmagic - i've found that the best thing for keeping my mood stable is keeping myself busy. today i went and visited my family, finished my christmas shopping and put together lunches for the work week.
when i tend to have the most trouble is late at night before i go to bed. ive finished all my productive things, and i mostly sit around and watch tv, read a book, or lay in bed. i start ruminating and dwelling on my thoughts. i used to use alcohol to distract mysel, but I think going back to journaling will help settle my mind.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thanks for the response kiwi. I'm looking at two days off. I'm going to try and keep myself busy like you suggested. I have a Christmas Pot Luck to go to tomorrow night. (My work's Christmas party.) Since I've always been a lone drinker, my coworkers won't even think twice if I don't drink. So maybe I'll hit a meeting, cook up a couple of dishes and see if I can enjoy myself. I haven't tried journaling for a long time. Maybe it's time to start again.
Thanks. Hope you have a good day tomorrow.
Thanks. Hope you have a good day tomorrow.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
congrats on the week kiwi. You've made a good decision. It may be rough sometimes, but if you keep looking forward you can make it. There will be some times that you'll feel more depressed than others but eventually things will begin to level. I got worried when my drastic rollercoaster started getting flatter. I thought that I had no emotions but my doc pointed out that's what life feels like to "normal" people. Be patient and your roller coaster will begin to level.
As Anna suggested, talk to your doc if things don't begin leveling soon. It will take some time for your body to rid itself of the toxins, but if you have a true chemical imbalance then you can use anti-deps to level it for you.
As Anna suggested, talk to your doc if things don't begin leveling soon. It will take some time for your body to rid itself of the toxins, but if you have a true chemical imbalance then you can use anti-deps to level it for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 20
I think you are right on target. I used alcohol to distract me from the stress of the day. I used to call it my liquid theraphy. I think your plan of finding other activities is the way to go. Good Luck!!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I've learned it's a MIND powered disease.
Treating the ISM in ALCOHOLISM.
For me, it's building a whole new character.
And that, I can't do by myself.
I need help.
With help from others who have traveled this path before me, having the desire and willingness, I will accomplish just that.
A WHOLE NEW CHARACTER!!!
Depression and anxiety diminsh greatly, or even gone!
Treating the ISM in ALCOHOLISM.
For me, it's building a whole new character.
And that, I can't do by myself.
I need help.
With help from others who have traveled this path before me, having the desire and willingness, I will accomplish just that.
A WHOLE NEW CHARACTER!!!
Depression and anxiety diminsh greatly, or even gone!
emerging from the darkness
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Springfield, Massachusetts
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by kiwi22 
Thanks for all the support!
mtnmagic - i've found that the best thing for keeping my mood stable is keeping myself busy. today i went and visited my family, finished my christmas shopping and put together lunches for the work week.
when i tend to have the most trouble is late at night before i go to bed. ive finished all my productive things, and i mostly sit around and watch tv, read a book, or lay in bed. i start ruminating and dwelling on my thoughts. i used to use alcohol to distract mysel, but I think going back to journaling will help settle my mind.
mtnmagic - i've found that the best thing for keeping my mood stable is keeping myself busy. today i went and visited my family, finished my christmas shopping and put together lunches for the work week.
when i tend to have the most trouble is late at night before i go to bed. ive finished all my productive things, and i mostly sit around and watch tv, read a book, or lay in bed. i start ruminating and dwelling on my thoughts. i used to use alcohol to distract mysel, but I think going back to journaling will help settle my mind.
Oh and I am a Baystater also! (just outside Springfield)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Aalborg
Posts: 15
Hi Kiwi, congrats on your week!
I live in Denmark, and I use a herbal thing called Baldrian here, I think it is some thing like "Baldriac" in english. It puts me to sleep, stops working during the night and I wake up feeling well rested in the morning. You can also use a smaller dose during the day to calm your nerves. Well worth looking into.
Here we can get it in supermarkets, so have a look around.
Have a good 2nd week
Detoxication
I live in Denmark, and I use a herbal thing called Baldrian here, I think it is some thing like "Baldriac" in english. It puts me to sleep, stops working during the night and I wake up feeling well rested in the morning. You can also use a smaller dose during the day to calm your nerves. Well worth looking into.
Here we can get it in supermarkets, so have a look around.
Have a good 2nd week
Detoxication
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Boston Massachusetts
Posts: 41
thanks again for all the tips everyone!
i've been keeping myself busy busy busy. came home from work and went straight to the gym, and then came home and made dinner and right onto SR.
normally i would have come home, made dinner while drinking wine, and then switching to mixed drinks til i fell asleep.
i've also spread what i'm going through to more of my friends and family. the reactions have been mixed. everything from "um, so what? i dont get it." to "this is great, if you need anything i'm here for you".
i guess for non-alcoholics who don't have the complusion to keep pounding down drinks, they can't quite understand what i'm going through. unfortunately, one of these people is my boyfriend. he can't understand why i can't just go out to a bar and not drink. i said, "haven't you ever been addicted to anything?" and he proceeded to mock me. i think he'll come around once he see that this isnt a phase, and it's really part of my new lifestyle.
i think that the mixed reactions are adding to my bad feelings, but i keep reminding myself that i'm doing this for me, and I'm the one i have to live with for the rest of my life.
Day 8 and going strong...
i've been keeping myself busy busy busy. came home from work and went straight to the gym, and then came home and made dinner and right onto SR.
normally i would have come home, made dinner while drinking wine, and then switching to mixed drinks til i fell asleep.
i've also spread what i'm going through to more of my friends and family. the reactions have been mixed. everything from "um, so what? i dont get it." to "this is great, if you need anything i'm here for you".
i guess for non-alcoholics who don't have the complusion to keep pounding down drinks, they can't quite understand what i'm going through. unfortunately, one of these people is my boyfriend. he can't understand why i can't just go out to a bar and not drink. i said, "haven't you ever been addicted to anything?" and he proceeded to mock me. i think he'll come around once he see that this isnt a phase, and it's really part of my new lifestyle.
i think that the mixed reactions are adding to my bad feelings, but i keep reminding myself that i'm doing this for me, and I'm the one i have to live with for the rest of my life.
Day 8 and going strong...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Hi, Kiwi- it sounds like you're doing great. I am on day 32 and have many ups and downs. I have decided that the sober rollercoaster is definitely better than the hungover remorseful rollercoaster!
Stay strong- when you get anxious and feel like you could crawl out of your skin.. Breathe and post.
Stay strong- when you get anxious and feel like you could crawl out of your skin.. Breathe and post.
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