Sick to My Stomach with Worry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 3
Sick to My Stomach with Worry
Hi all,
I just joined here. My brother is an alcoholic who had a period of almost 8 months of sobriety, but has started drinking heavily again about a month ago. He recently broke off an engagement, and I think the only thing keeping him sober was the ultimatum his fiancee had given him. He moved out from her house and is living with my mom, who told him he can't drink while he lives there. He's talked to us about what a struggle it is for him, but says he hates AA and refuses to go. Also, he says he cannot have a normal social life without drinking and that he's too young to just sit home every night and it's not fair because a lot of people drink and they don't get labeled alcoholics. I've had many conversations with him about his proven lack of control - I tell him he cannot stop with just a few drinks, and that this is the difference between him and others and that starting to drink is playing with fire. His drinking has caused him many problems - arrests at bars for fighting, two DUIs, among other things, but he insists that he's in a different place in his life than he was when he had those issues.
I don't know how he always manages to find people who do nothing but drink, but I think he's done it again, and he's been going out with them after work. He totally denies drinking, but everytime he goes out with them, he stays out all night and says he sleeps at his friend's house. At 30 years old, there really isn't any reason for someone to do that unless he's drinking and knows my mom doesn't approve. I'm glad he's not driving, but he forgets to call my mom and he's causing her all kinds of worry, and then she calls me all the time worried sick because his track record is bad. Now we're leaving on a trip with my mom to NYC tomorrow and he called her tonight and said I'm not coming home again and she's so worried about what he's going to do for the 3 days she's gone. She asked him to come home for a little while so she can see him before she leaves but he refused. She offered to come pick him up if he had been drinking and he got really mad that she accused him of it and denied it and said some mean things to her, but she said he sounds drunk. She's freaking out about it and now I'm totally upset as well, since I can't help but think the worst will happen. He's probably moving out in January and we're terrified that without any checks and balances he will be completely out of control. I'm not sure what the best way to support her and him is, especially since it's very clear he wants to drink. My mom has been to Al-Anon but my brother living there is not helping her "let go".
I'm so sorry this is so long. I just needed to get that off my chest.
I just joined here. My brother is an alcoholic who had a period of almost 8 months of sobriety, but has started drinking heavily again about a month ago. He recently broke off an engagement, and I think the only thing keeping him sober was the ultimatum his fiancee had given him. He moved out from her house and is living with my mom, who told him he can't drink while he lives there. He's talked to us about what a struggle it is for him, but says he hates AA and refuses to go. Also, he says he cannot have a normal social life without drinking and that he's too young to just sit home every night and it's not fair because a lot of people drink and they don't get labeled alcoholics. I've had many conversations with him about his proven lack of control - I tell him he cannot stop with just a few drinks, and that this is the difference between him and others and that starting to drink is playing with fire. His drinking has caused him many problems - arrests at bars for fighting, two DUIs, among other things, but he insists that he's in a different place in his life than he was when he had those issues.
I don't know how he always manages to find people who do nothing but drink, but I think he's done it again, and he's been going out with them after work. He totally denies drinking, but everytime he goes out with them, he stays out all night and says he sleeps at his friend's house. At 30 years old, there really isn't any reason for someone to do that unless he's drinking and knows my mom doesn't approve. I'm glad he's not driving, but he forgets to call my mom and he's causing her all kinds of worry, and then she calls me all the time worried sick because his track record is bad. Now we're leaving on a trip with my mom to NYC tomorrow and he called her tonight and said I'm not coming home again and she's so worried about what he's going to do for the 3 days she's gone. She asked him to come home for a little while so she can see him before she leaves but he refused. She offered to come pick him up if he had been drinking and he got really mad that she accused him of it and denied it and said some mean things to her, but she said he sounds drunk. She's freaking out about it and now I'm totally upset as well, since I can't help but think the worst will happen. He's probably moving out in January and we're terrified that without any checks and balances he will be completely out of control. I'm not sure what the best way to support her and him is, especially since it's very clear he wants to drink. My mom has been to Al-Anon but my brother living there is not helping her "let go".
I'm so sorry this is so long. I just needed to get that off my chest.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
welcome, worried
have you tried Al-Anon?
I believed, too, that I provided checks and balances for AH, but it just wasn't true. Your brother is doing exactly what he wants.
The best thing I did for myself at the juncture you appear to be at was look to myself. Learn all you can about alcoholism, attend some meetings, read the stickys here and keep posting. The more support I brought into my camp, the more I felt ready and able to "let go."
Take care.
have you tried Al-Anon?
I believed, too, that I provided checks and balances for AH, but it just wasn't true. Your brother is doing exactly what he wants.
The best thing I did for myself at the juncture you appear to be at was look to myself. Learn all you can about alcoholism, attend some meetings, read the stickys here and keep posting. The more support I brought into my camp, the more I felt ready and able to "let go."
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 3
Thank you all so much for your welcome and your support. Things went from bad to worse last night because my mom, not knowing how to handle it, called my dad to keep an eye on my brother while she was away, and instead of doing it discreetly, he called my brother and confronted him and since my brother was drunk their conversation took a really ugly turn. They have a really bad relationship as it is. My brother then called me completely drunk and upset. I ask him how we can help and he says, "Have faith in me that I'll do the right thing. Don't worry about me." Ha! Easier said than done, but I know that we do have to let him make his own mistakes. I've been reading alot of the sticky threads at the top and the links have been very helpful, and definitely plan to start going to Al-Anon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
I want to add my welcome to the others.... Im glad you found us.
Im glad you are going to try Al-anon, having the face to face suport has been so important in my recovery. I have to keep repeating that Im powerless over people, places and things. I can do my very best for them but in the end it is their decisions and their journey...
I look forward to getting to know you, keep posting it helps to get it out of your system.
Im glad you are going to try Al-anon, having the face to face suport has been so important in my recovery. I have to keep repeating that Im powerless over people, places and things. I can do my very best for them but in the end it is their decisions and their journey...
I look forward to getting to know you, keep posting it helps to get it out of your system.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
