Boy...............
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Boy...............
I get this e-mail this aft from the ex telling me has a daughter and two grandsons.
That it was part of what he's been keeping secret from everybody.
I said you have a beautiful daughter and two handsome grandsons and glad you've made contact with them.
Ngaire
That it was part of what he's been keeping secret from everybody.
I said you have a beautiful daughter and two handsome grandsons and glad you've made contact with them.
Ngaire
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
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Oh My!!!! You handled it like a true lady!!!! I am impressed. So Sad he was treating his daughter like a dirty little secret, what a shame. I hope the grandbabies are at least acknowledged. I think he is trying to shock and get a reaction out of u, good thing u are not taking the bait.... Take Care
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
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ngaire, forgive me for being intrusive but why are you still replying to his e-mails? I only ask because I've read your posts and you've replied to mine often and they are always wise. It seems like somthing you'd ask me. Not judging you just wondering why.
thank goodness my exabf can barely type
thank goodness my exabf can barely type
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Well I'm glad he's made that contact and I hope he finds peace with the relationship. I 'm also glad he fessed up.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by reader 
Oh My!!!! You handled it like a true lady!!!! I am impressed. So Sad he was treating his daughter like a dirty little secret, what a shame. I hope the grandbabies are at least acknowledged. I think he is trying to shock and get a reaction out of u, good thing u are not taking the bait.... Take Care
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Because I'm still sick Sketscher and I'm still locked in ther etoo. I was glad to get the truth about it.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by sketscher
ngaire, forgive me for being intrusive but why are you still replying to his e-mails? I only ask because I've read your posts and you've replied to mine often and they are always wise. It seems like somthing you'd ask me. Not judging you just wondering why.
thank goodness my exabf can barely type
thank goodness my exabf can barely type
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those secrets......can you imagine trying to hide things in your life....and why would you.....and imagine the stress, altho self-inflicted that it may be, of trying to keep the secret hid.....
my ex did the same stuff....i guess they just cant face life on life's terms....imagine dragging all their worst out of the closet into the glaring sunlight???? i guess their illness keeps them from doing just that, so that they may begin healing.
and how ironic that the worst fears they have, usually are not that horrid after all.....
love to you
jeri
my ex did the same stuff....i guess they just cant face life on life's terms....imagine dragging all their worst out of the closet into the glaring sunlight???? i guess their illness keeps them from doing just that, so that they may begin healing.
and how ironic that the worst fears they have, usually are not that horrid after all.....
love to you
jeri
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
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ngaire, you do always sound strong, but this step back into it can happen so easily. Gosh, it is so hard not to take a little slip, just to touch base w/ them. I fight it weekly. Since mine emails me jokes, usually very deep inspirational poems/readings....I get very tempted to send one here or there, but I am so scared it will open up conversation. So thankful to have each other here....
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yup...i truly think i understand the powerful allure of the alcohol for the alcoholic, for i battle daily....every stinkin day.....every hour.....to stay outta the "zone" of checking up on him, wanting him, mourning him, obsessing,......today, i almost could feel what it felt like to have my face in his neck and smell him. i am just as addicted to him, as he is to his alcohol.
love to all
jeri
love to all
jeri
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Yes it sure is and they bank on that too.
I cannot believe the hiding of secrets, it must take so much energy. I think it's based on shame of the past and what has happened.
Ngaire
I cannot believe the hiding of secrets, it must take so much energy. I think it's based on shame of the past and what has happened.
Ngaire
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
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How can they do that? Really?! Don't they ever have conscious breakthru?
But, they bury it? Is this really part of the disease, or who they are? So confusing to me.
I'm sure they bank on it. Part of the viscious circle. It's so easy to jump back in.
But, they bury it? Is this really part of the disease, or who they are? So confusing to me.
I'm sure they bank on it. Part of the viscious circle. It's so easy to jump back in.
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alcoholic concscious breakthrough.....the only breakthrough they can make is the breakthrough from the hangover to grab another drink.....and medicate some more to help them hide from their big ole boogey man closet.....but then again....hey....they are not above using huge secrets to benefit their cause....if the secret will create sympathy in someone else, or create admiration, horror, you name it, well, they see it as a bargaining tool....a way back into your life so they can continue their sacred relationship with their alcoholism......imho
this is a day of hard-a$$ feelings for me....so just take what i have to say with a grain of salt.
and i'll say this too.....alcoholism is a disease. and it is the most easily curable....JUST STOP DRINKING. period. gone. poof. no more. the chemical craving for the alcohol has scientifically been proven to be outta the body within 48 hours....from there on out, IT'S JUST THE HEAD THING.
so maybe, just maybe, in addition to having the curse of the "different reaction to alcohol than most people"....could it be possible they are just crappy, crappy, crappy people who happen to be alcoholics???
oh, i'm just so pi$$y today....i'll probably have a real problem with recovery speak today.
love to you all
jeri
this is a day of hard-a$$ feelings for me....so just take what i have to say with a grain of salt.
and i'll say this too.....alcoholism is a disease. and it is the most easily curable....JUST STOP DRINKING. period. gone. poof. no more. the chemical craving for the alcohol has scientifically been proven to be outta the body within 48 hours....from there on out, IT'S JUST THE HEAD THING.
so maybe, just maybe, in addition to having the curse of the "different reaction to alcohol than most people"....could it be possible they are just crappy, crappy, crappy people who happen to be alcoholics???
oh, i'm just so pi$$y today....i'll probably have a real problem with recovery speak today.
love to you all
jeri
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I've been having mixed emotions since last night.
One is feeling glad that I was told this because it explains oh so much, the list is long.
Two, is wondering who this person is that I fell in love with and how much more is there.
It's a bizarre feeling to know that something as big as that as been hidden from you for 3 years.
Ngaire
One is feeling glad that I was told this because it explains oh so much, the list is long.
Two, is wondering who this person is that I fell in love with and how much more is there.
It's a bizarre feeling to know that something as big as that as been hidden from you for 3 years.
Ngaire
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Location: southern indiana
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i understand ngaire....i found out about two other families that my xah had....and forgot to tell me.
the addicts complicate their lives so much....they run from this and from that...just making everything so much bigger than it has to be.
they seem to have the mindset like if they don't think about it, it didn't exist...whatever "it" would be. like a child.
it's amazing how they can do this....it's like this for me now....."don't pi$$ on my leg and tell me it's raining"!!!!!!
our ownly way to sanity is to get outta theirs.
love to you
jeri
the addicts complicate their lives so much....they run from this and from that...just making everything so much bigger than it has to be.
they seem to have the mindset like if they don't think about it, it didn't exist...whatever "it" would be. like a child.
it's amazing how they can do this....it's like this for me now....."don't pi$$ on my leg and tell me it's raining"!!!!!!
our ownly way to sanity is to get outta theirs.
love to you
jeri
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Jeri,
Have you ever seen a cat when they turn their back to you and ignore you/ It's like if I can't it it doesn't exist.
What a wierd way to be and yes you are right they carry on in a way that makes everything bigger than it has to be.
I'm glad I was told but at the same time I feel betrayed, well I was betrayed.
Ngaire
Have you ever seen a cat when they turn their back to you and ignore you/ It's like if I can't it it doesn't exist.
What a wierd way to be and yes you are right they carry on in a way that makes everything bigger than it has to be.
I'm glad I was told but at the same time I feel betrayed, well I was betrayed.
Ngaire
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Location: Southern Wisconsin
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embraced. I love you girl! You tell it like it is.
my ex used "secrets" to his benefit as well. As least it worked to his benefit. When he let me know he had fathered a child that he gave up custody to 22 years ago, and never mentioned it again, I admit I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for him. I thought that this was certainly a contributing factor in his drinking problem. Now he's a father of two more boys whom he visits on a daily basis but still feels he's being left out of their lives which in turn is yet another excuse to drink. — Poor me, my ex-wife thinks I'm a drunk and poor example, hmmm I might as well drink some more.
Like Embraced said perhaps they are just a-holes who happen to be alcoholics. It's a great cover up after all. Plus it keeps us hooked. I mean I would never have tolerated such abuse and betrayl from a so-called healthy person — would I?!!!
my ex used "secrets" to his benefit as well. As least it worked to his benefit. When he let me know he had fathered a child that he gave up custody to 22 years ago, and never mentioned it again, I admit I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy for him. I thought that this was certainly a contributing factor in his drinking problem. Now he's a father of two more boys whom he visits on a daily basis but still feels he's being left out of their lives which in turn is yet another excuse to drink. — Poor me, my ex-wife thinks I'm a drunk and poor example, hmmm I might as well drink some more.
Like Embraced said perhaps they are just a-holes who happen to be alcoholics. It's a great cover up after all. Plus it keeps us hooked. I mean I would never have tolerated such abuse and betrayl from a so-called healthy person — would I?!!!
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and ngaire, you are RIGHT. They make the biggest deal out of everything. I used to find my exabf's emotional side very appealing. That is until I saw the udliness come out. Everything just seems to be magnified with them. Unfortunately happiness never was for my exabf. If there was an occasion to be happy about he'd still find some dark lining. Probably needs that to have an excuse to feed the addiction.
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i'M UNFORTUNATELY GETTING THIS FEELING HE WAS USIing it as a trump card because I wasn't responding to him in the way he wanted, with poor you and sympathy.
I can't believe he was suddenly having an attack of conscience that he should tell me. And he certainly isn't anywhere sober enough to be making an amends.
More will be revealed but I'll tell you I'm having a tough time getting my head around this. I have to keep reminding myself that this has nothing to do with me.
Ngaire
I can't believe he was suddenly having an attack of conscience that he should tell me. And he certainly isn't anywhere sober enough to be making an amends.
More will be revealed but I'll tell you I'm having a tough time getting my head around this. I have to keep reminding myself that this has nothing to do with me.
Ngaire
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