At my wits end.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 2
At my wits end.....
Hi,
My husband is an alcoholic and we have 3 kids..ages are 14, 10 and 3.
In the last year, it seems like he has gotten much worse and much more irresponsible.
In the past year, he got a head injury requiring 12 staples, got his 2nd DWI--this time a Gross Misdemeanor (he blew 2.5) and has lost 2 jobs due to drinking (basically blowing off work because he was partying or too hungover).
If that's not hitting bottom...I dont know what is.
Two weeks ago he went to pick up his paycheck and ended up not coming home for 3 days (he was hanging out with a friend partying). He came home basically broke and we are behind on all of our bills..not to mention Christmas is coming up fast.
He swore up and down that he was done with drinking (yeah right, ive heard that before). In the past he has admitted he has a problem and needs help, but when it comes down to it he wont get the help.
When I try to talk to him about it, he gets very defensive and verbally abusive with me.
I'm to the point that I feel like he needs to either decide he wants help and go to treatment or he needs to leave. I'm can honestly say I dont feel like I love him anymore.
He is doing myself and our kids no good....we cant rely on him or trust him anymore. He is not helping financially at all...in fact this past year he has costed me more financially than he has contributed.
My 14 and 10 yr old kids are definately aware of what is going on...they will ask me things like.."Where is dad..out drinking again?" and "Is he going to come home drunk again?" It is so sad and it disgusts me that he can continue to justify his behavior.
He seems to not care and not be willing to acknowledge that we are in a serious financial bind here.
Does anyone know if there are any resources or ways for me to make him leave the home if he's unwilling to get treatment? (I really dont think myself and the kids should have to be the ones to leave the house and I cant afford to do that anyway).
Thanks for letting me vent....and thanks for any advice/info anyone can offer.
Fedup2006
My husband is an alcoholic and we have 3 kids..ages are 14, 10 and 3.
In the last year, it seems like he has gotten much worse and much more irresponsible.
In the past year, he got a head injury requiring 12 staples, got his 2nd DWI--this time a Gross Misdemeanor (he blew 2.5) and has lost 2 jobs due to drinking (basically blowing off work because he was partying or too hungover).
If that's not hitting bottom...I dont know what is.
Two weeks ago he went to pick up his paycheck and ended up not coming home for 3 days (he was hanging out with a friend partying). He came home basically broke and we are behind on all of our bills..not to mention Christmas is coming up fast.
He swore up and down that he was done with drinking (yeah right, ive heard that before). In the past he has admitted he has a problem and needs help, but when it comes down to it he wont get the help.
When I try to talk to him about it, he gets very defensive and verbally abusive with me.
I'm to the point that I feel like he needs to either decide he wants help and go to treatment or he needs to leave. I'm can honestly say I dont feel like I love him anymore.
He is doing myself and our kids no good....we cant rely on him or trust him anymore. He is not helping financially at all...in fact this past year he has costed me more financially than he has contributed.
My 14 and 10 yr old kids are definately aware of what is going on...they will ask me things like.."Where is dad..out drinking again?" and "Is he going to come home drunk again?" It is so sad and it disgusts me that he can continue to justify his behavior.
He seems to not care and not be willing to acknowledge that we are in a serious financial bind here.
Does anyone know if there are any resources or ways for me to make him leave the home if he's unwilling to get treatment? (I really dont think myself and the kids should have to be the ones to leave the house and I cant afford to do that anyway).
Thanks for letting me vent....and thanks for any advice/info anyone can offer.
Fedup2006
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Hi and welcome fedup. There will be other posters with lots of information I am sure. My first gut instinct is to see an attorney. I know in my state community property laws the mom and her kids can't be thrown out of their house. I am sure that the law may side with you as they do with mom's in my state. Check that out first is my suggestion. Also, do you attend any type of support group like al-anon and your children? Even just counselling to get through troubling times is good to have. Best Wishes. Keep coming back. Irsh
Practicing the lion's roar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 291
Hi fedup, I'm glad you found this site--it's a lifesaver!
I'm in Minneapolis too, and there are lots of al-anon meetings all over town... http://www.al-anon-alateen-msp.org/p...ngsMonday.html
I've only been to a few meetings myself but they're enormously helpful. It's important that you take care of YOU right now, so that your daughter can benefit from your renewed strength. We are all here for you--please keep us posted! I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
I'm in Minneapolis too, and there are lots of al-anon meetings all over town... http://www.al-anon-alateen-msp.org/p...ngsMonday.html
I've only been to a few meetings myself but they're enormously helpful. It's important that you take care of YOU right now, so that your daughter can benefit from your renewed strength. We are all here for you--please keep us posted! I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 2
Thank you Irsh,
So far I have not attended alanon, however, today I called a crisis line and they found a meeting location in my town and gave me the information. I am going to try to get to a meeting, as it would be nice to have some support. I haven't talked too much about all of this with my family because it is very embarrassing and I feel like they wouldn't understand.
So far I have not attended alanon, however, today I called a crisis line and they found a meeting location in my town and gave me the information. I am going to try to get to a meeting, as it would be nice to have some support. I haven't talked too much about all of this with my family because it is very embarrassing and I feel like they wouldn't understand.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Fedup,
Maybe I am wrong here for directing you this way, but you asked for resources. I live in NY, and personally what I am about to say is not the way I would handle it, but here we can go to Family Court and get a non-harass order and/or order of protection which states that AH can't be intoxicated around you and/or verbally abuse you, which means when he is intoxicated, you can pick up the phone, call the police and have him arrested. Sometimes, especially when children are involved, the court can order him into treatment. My daughter did that for her soon to be exAH. Instead though, he took off, never to be seen or heard from again (and that was four years ago when her youngest was 8 mos. old). I contemplated it last year against my AH, but things truly weren't that bad, so I decided against it and sought help for me instead. Others here will have great advice for you. Welcome.
QT
Maybe I am wrong here for directing you this way, but you asked for resources. I live in NY, and personally what I am about to say is not the way I would handle it, but here we can go to Family Court and get a non-harass order and/or order of protection which states that AH can't be intoxicated around you and/or verbally abuse you, which means when he is intoxicated, you can pick up the phone, call the police and have him arrested. Sometimes, especially when children are involved, the court can order him into treatment. My daughter did that for her soon to be exAH. Instead though, he took off, never to be seen or heard from again (and that was four years ago when her youngest was 8 mos. old). I contemplated it last year against my AH, but things truly weren't that bad, so I decided against it and sought help for me instead. Others here will have great advice for you. Welcome.
QT
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