Anger Issues...?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 13
Anger Issues...?
My mom is a binge drinker. Out cold for 2 weeks - sober for maybe one, then drunk again for 2 weeks, etc... This cycle has been going on about 2 years... she is now missing family functions, holidays, etc... I am so hurt & angered by her behavior and the abandonment I feel during her bouts... she sobers up & then wants everything to be normal... etc... for the few days until she drinks again... I am so hurt. I have been to about 8 al-anon meetings in the last 3 weeks - I am learning alot , but no one has discussed anger... any advice?
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
If you feel comfortable, share at your next meeting. Usually it's called being "in crisis," which sounds a little extreme :-). People can then come up and talk to you after the meeting about how they handled the anger in their own situations.
Some of the literature also has good stuff on anger. It's one of the toughest things to deal with; I came to realize my anger came from fear, so the more I reached out and the more I learned, the less fearful I became and so, less angry.
Take care and good luck.
Some of the literature also has good stuff on anger. It's one of the toughest things to deal with; I came to realize my anger came from fear, so the more I reached out and the more I learned, the less fearful I became and so, less angry.
Take care and good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
23girl - ((((((((((((((((hugs to you))))))))))))))
I was married to an alcoholic for 22 years and my grown children are about your ages I think. My kids are 19, 22 and 30. They have seen all that you have and alot more. I can only tell you that you didn't cause it - you can't control it and you cant cure it...they have to want sobriety - it cannot be forced down their throats hun. My ex husband did and said so many hurtful things both to and in front of our children and the kids won't have anything to do with him at all. He left us in July 2005 for a female meth/alcoholic and had been cheating on me for 3 or 4 months before he left. The kids tried to tell me what he was up to but I didnt believe them. I wish I had. What I'm trying to say is keep going to your meetings and sharing what is going on at home and keep coming back to us here ok. We care very much whats going on and we can guide you hun. When she is like that please as much as she probably repulses you stay out of her way and try not to argue too much with her. Remember its not her that you are fighting with its the booze. Is there another family memeber around that can mentor and help you? Is your father involved in your life?
Janit
I was married to an alcoholic for 22 years and my grown children are about your ages I think. My kids are 19, 22 and 30. They have seen all that you have and alot more. I can only tell you that you didn't cause it - you can't control it and you cant cure it...they have to want sobriety - it cannot be forced down their throats hun. My ex husband did and said so many hurtful things both to and in front of our children and the kids won't have anything to do with him at all. He left us in July 2005 for a female meth/alcoholic and had been cheating on me for 3 or 4 months before he left. The kids tried to tell me what he was up to but I didnt believe them. I wish I had. What I'm trying to say is keep going to your meetings and sharing what is going on at home and keep coming back to us here ok. We care very much whats going on and we can guide you hun. When she is like that please as much as she probably repulses you stay out of her way and try not to argue too much with her. Remember its not her that you are fighting with its the booze. Is there another family memeber around that can mentor and help you? Is your father involved in your life?
Janit
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
My take is maybe u feel helpless. It it can cause anger and frustration. Watching someone go down hill is very hard. Many years ago I had to see my father consumed with the bottle and it killed him. Luck for me he was a kind man and a happy drinker. I was young only 16 but I chose to keep going though I miss him terribly. It took me many years to get angry, I just felt lost and alone. You anger is normal and it is very much a part of the process of being a family member to an alcoholic. Work your steps and try to detach with love~~~ It is hard I know but keep coming back, you are young and deserve a happy life. Take care of u!!!!!!!! Kerry
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hi 23
yes, it's normal to feel angry. if left unchecked, the anger becomes very unhealthy for us. keep going to al-anon and share when you are comfortable enough......tell them you are struggling with anger issues and they will know exactly what to do.
for example....in my meeting one night, i was having problems understanding detachment....so everyone went around the table and spoke about detachment, if they wanted to speak.....and then we read passages from three al-anon books that dealt with detachment. all the while the whole group responding to the passages. the approach works very well for me because after years of living with the effects of alcoholism, i found i could not think abstractly as well as i used to .....i needed very simple instructions.
good luck....and keep sharing
luv to you
jeri
yes, it's normal to feel angry. if left unchecked, the anger becomes very unhealthy for us. keep going to al-anon and share when you are comfortable enough......tell them you are struggling with anger issues and they will know exactly what to do.
for example....in my meeting one night, i was having problems understanding detachment....so everyone went around the table and spoke about detachment, if they wanted to speak.....and then we read passages from three al-anon books that dealt with detachment. all the while the whole group responding to the passages. the approach works very well for me because after years of living with the effects of alcoholism, i found i could not think abstractly as well as i used to .....i needed very simple instructions.
good luck....and keep sharing
luv to you
jeri
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 13
my reply
thanks for the advice. unfortunately, my father died at a young age about 5 years ago. my mom was always an A, but since he has died, she has gone downhill... she is on her 8th day of drinking... passed put cold as usual... she lives alone and I am just so scared that one day when I go check on her - she will be dead...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Hi, 23,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. I just left my AH last Saturday. I'm also scared that when I go back to the house to check on him he may be dead. This is very serious and very frightening. My Al-Anon sponsor told me not to go back to the house alone, so maybe that is something you can do, also. Get with someone who is willing to go check on your mom with you so that you are not alone. My sponsor went with me this morning, so that I could check on my dogs and make sure they were okay.
on the question of anger.....I journaled quite a bit, in order to get the anger out of me and onto paper. Sometimes I would tear up what I wrote afterwards, or I would put it in what I call a God can - a tin can I have that I stuff all that is bothering me into, and let it go to God. I read all the pages I could from the Al-Anon literature on anger. I would try and put my anger into other positive things, like go far a brisk walk, dig in the garden, swim - and just punch the water as hard as I could.
peace and love to you,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. I just left my AH last Saturday. I'm also scared that when I go back to the house to check on him he may be dead. This is very serious and very frightening. My Al-Anon sponsor told me not to go back to the house alone, so maybe that is something you can do, also. Get with someone who is willing to go check on your mom with you so that you are not alone. My sponsor went with me this morning, so that I could check on my dogs and make sure they were okay.
on the question of anger.....I journaled quite a bit, in order to get the anger out of me and onto paper. Sometimes I would tear up what I wrote afterwards, or I would put it in what I call a God can - a tin can I have that I stuff all that is bothering me into, and let it go to God. I read all the pages I could from the Al-Anon literature on anger. I would try and put my anger into other positive things, like go far a brisk walk, dig in the garden, swim - and just punch the water as hard as I could.
peace and love to you,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 13
LizzyP
Why shoudn't you go alone? Just curious? I don't really have anyone to take with me or go for me? I have 2 young kids so it's hard to find time - and when I do, hubby usually watches the kids so I can go... It's just wearing on me thinking of her out cold all alone, but I know it's not my job to take care of her...
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I might try to catch her passed out just so I could call an ambulance to get the ball rolling. You're right it isn't your job to take care of her. what would that entale anyway? You can get her to a place where it is someones job to take care of her. Those folks can put a plan of care together for her. It may not be a cure but it's a start. When someone comes into the ER passed out, professionals take over and at least you can go home knowing she is being taken care of and treated. Once she is sober and awake they will give her options.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
Hi, 23,
The serious reality is if we do find our alcoholic loved one in a serious medical condition, we are not there alone in the situation. You don't have to do this alone, but can have others around you who have gone through the same situation. Another person there helps shoulder the burden, helps keep perspective on the situation, and may offer insight if immediate action needs to be taken. You might be able to get to the point of asking someone from Al-Anon to go with you.
For me, it is a matter of taking care of myself. It will help me to have someone with me, since I don't know what I might find when I go back into the house. I'm also seeking professional guidance as to what steps I may have to take on my husband's behalf when he is incabable of making life saving decisions for himself.
Hope that might help some,
lp
The serious reality is if we do find our alcoholic loved one in a serious medical condition, we are not there alone in the situation. You don't have to do this alone, but can have others around you who have gone through the same situation. Another person there helps shoulder the burden, helps keep perspective on the situation, and may offer insight if immediate action needs to be taken. You might be able to get to the point of asking someone from Al-Anon to go with you.
For me, it is a matter of taking care of myself. It will help me to have someone with me, since I don't know what I might find when I go back into the house. I'm also seeking professional guidance as to what steps I may have to take on my husband's behalf when he is incabable of making life saving decisions for himself.
Hope that might help some,
lp
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