confusedspouse

After a few days of not having any contact with my husband (who is in denial about his drug problem), I thought it best to answer his call before he started calling everyone we know asking them if they know where my daughter and I are. He had already called my family (who he rarely ever talks to and live in out of state) questioning them as to whether they had talked to me because he was worried that something had happened to my daughter and me since I had not returned any of his calls or emails. Of course my sister who is well aware of the situation calls me and tells me that I need to call him soon because he sounded like he was in a serious state of panic. So, despite my better judgement, I answered the phone the next time he called. He acted like nothing was wrong, asking how our daughter was, telling me that he missed us both very much and could not wait to see us. The conversation continued in that manner for a few minutes, until I pretty much stated my intentions were not to see him again or allow him to see our daughter until he cleaned up his act. He pleaded his case telling me how this really would be the last time, how it was "just a bad decision" and he would never do cocaine again. I held my ground and told him that I was not falling for this BS anymore and that I am tired of being stressed out and unhappy. Well, this is when his attitude changed and he started blaming me for his drug binges, yelling at me saying that he just couldn't take my unhappy attitude and this was his escape from having to be married to someone who was always so unhappy. He proceeded to tell me that I am the one that has caused him to do coke again, that if I was not so stressed out all the time, life at home would be bearable. I ended up just hanging up the phone on him. I know that I have been a very unhappy person, but how can I explain to him that my unhappiness is a direct result of his drug use,not anything else. DOes this make any sense?

GlassPrisoner

His unhapiness is also largely a result of his drug problem. And this, of course, is going to affect everyone around him.

You should check out the family and friends section here. Lot's of support over there with people facing the same problems.

The ideal solution is for him to clean up, and for you to attend al-anon or something similair.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Good Luck and God Bless

crazymarble

This sounds like a lot of things at once. Sounds like abuse and control too. Add the drug abuse in, your unhappiness, and that's a disaster.

You can't explain anyting to him right now, he won't hear you. Plus, this isnt' about you -- even though he's looking to lay the blame -- it's about him. Do you know much about domestic violence? It's not just hitting you know, it's also psychological warfare. I know because I'm living it.

I don't know how many times you've left before (sounds like more than this one) but part of the issue here is that you've not set any boundaries. You set it, he crosses it, you resest it again. After awhile he knows you're not serious. If there are no consequences for his behavior then where's the incentive to change?

It's not just the drugs, right. There's a lot more to your unhappiness with him.

My advice: Fix you, not him and things will get a lot better faster than you expected.

c'est la vie

Welcome to SR. I hope that what you learn here helps you in your uncomfortable situation. I would suggest that you post and read some threads in the Friends and Family forum since there are so many other people who can relate to your situation. This link will take you to that forum:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/