Tally

Things are alot better lately...

I mentioned that my ABF had actually picked up the phone himself, rang the doctors, made his own appointment...and he went...

The doctor then got in touch with the detox clinic linked to our local hospital and made an appointment for an assessment...

He actually went..no nagging from me, no reminders...he went.
Did it all of his own accord, even though he swore blind he couldn't "help himself" and that I should help him..

Well, I didn't do anything this time...told him in no uncertain terms that it wasn't my "job" to try and fix him...I wasn't even tempted.

Well, obviously he still isn't "fixed", but the clinic have offered him a 5 day detox and then a 3 week live in treatment...best they can do but it's a start.

He's cut down drinking ALOT, going from drinking every waking minute to a couple of glasses before bed...his blood test at the assessment medical was clean of alcohol and he can even go out again without having panic attacks, he's sleeping properley and eating alot more, still a little impatient and irritable though but ya can't expect miracles, but he's trying really hard and that's good enough for me for now.

So now's he's waiting for a detox place....Is it wrong to be proud of him for taking those first steps? Because I am..but have no "fantasies" of it lasting because I refuse to set myself up for a fall...

Just been so much nicer to be around, no arguments, no cross words, no rages, no getting up at 7am to find him sitting drinking already...a much nicer enviroment all round.

As for me, I feel alot better...I'm not walking on eggshells anymore...I'm just taking what I want and leaving the rest. I know it's by no means over and prolly nor will it ever be, but I'm in such a healthier, happier place right now and it's mainly down to you guys, if I hadn't found this site and read and read and bought some recommended books I'd still be sooo messed up, enabling, going crazy etc.. so thank you for all the kind words and not so kind too, you guys really opened my eyes and thank god there's a place like this for us to come to and share! xxxx

mazey

Best Wishes and take care of you....
Think it is a good first step.

cmc

Hi,
Wow, you are really coming along with your own recovery! Setting boundaries and not enabling are huge steps and who knows if your standing firm on these things hasn't sent a message to him that he needs to do for himself? Regardless of how or why, he is getting some help now and that has to ease your mind a great deal.
To answer your question about telling him you are proud of him.... I think it's always a good thing to show support to anybody who is working towards improving themselves. He is probably feeling very badly and the encouragement seems deserved. By telling him how you feel, you are also directing your comments towards his present actions not the past and that is good for all.
I am so glad to hear how much coming to SR has helped you and I know that many here feel the same way. It's so nice to know that others care and understand.
thanks for sharing

dollydo

Your recovery is really shining! Doesn't it make your life so much more manageable? It sure did that for me.

I like short, to the point encouragement with an "A" like, "Keep up the good work", "I can see a positive change in you, you can do it". Or, somethiing like that. I have found if I got too detailed with my "A", he would twist it around, over analyzed my words.

Just my thoughts.

My Best,
Dolly