Intervention Success Story
ritabee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 45
Intervention Success Story
As some of you may know my ABF left me Sept 1 and moved down the hall of our apartment building. He started drinking again, very heavily, and was acting out sexually, spending all his money on strippers and possibly escorts. All this time he told me he was planning on getting back together with me in the spring, once he had kicked the booze. I knew that without something drastic changing we would never get back together. Too many things were unacceptable to me and without a change in his thinking he would never be the partner that I want and need.
While at the local library searching for books on alcoholism, I came across two books which dealt with Interventions. The common thread was that we should NOT wait for the alcoholic to hit bottom because some never bounce back up. Also by the time they hit bottom (if they ever do) their organs could quite possibly be damaged beyond repair. I read these books from cover to cover and couldn't get the idea out of my head.
My ABF is the kind of drunk who will drink every night until he passes out, then will wake up and have a couple more beer. He is defensive and defiant saying he will NOT be controlled (of course the booze isn't controlling him lol) and will drink whenever he wants. He is 53 years old and has probably been drinking heavily for 40 years. If I had never seen him try to cut back on his own I would have believed all his bravado. However he was giving out little hints that he wasn't happy with his life and often felt regret the next day. He said he left me to do what he wanted then realized that he didn't want what he was doing.
He has been working in our building as a custodian and many days he was holed up in his apartment, hungover, and didn't clean the building. Our property managers who are also friends of ours noticed that he often smelled of beer in the mornings. Tenants began to complain. They were ready to fire him until I mentioned that I had been thinking of an Intervention. They were sick and tired of his shoddy work and I was sick and tired of his choice of companions while drunk. Without much hope we began planning.
We held the Intervention on Nov 23 and with the help of an addictions counsellor, 4 of us read pre-written letters to him. The letters all started out with the positive things we see in him then went right to his actions while drunk and how they made us feel. I left my letter to last. I started reading and got all choked up with the first sentence. He got up and left, going outside for a smoke with his boss. He later told me that he was ready to break down when I started talking and he needed to compose himself. I was surprised that he came back in but I finished my letter and asked him if he was ready to go for help that day. He had too many things to get in place first (legitimate) but he agreed to go when he got his appointments in order and I drove him to rehab this morning with 10 days of sobriety behind him.
I am still floored with his reaction because I expected him to tell all of us to shove it and he would stop when he was ready. I guess he was ready. The night of the Intervention he made phone calls...to his 30 year old long lost daughter, his sister who he has seen once in maybe 15 years, his best friend who he talks to occasionally and another long time friend. He told all of them that he was changing his life around and going to rehab. He seemed proud of the fact that he was important enough to a few people to have an Intervention done on him. Go figure! The kicker is that we never got to give him our bottom lines. His boss didn't threaten to fire him and I never told him I was done with him if he didn't get help. He agreed to go on his own without any threats on our part.
Hopefully he will be successful but I am cautiously optimistic. I know that slips are common but I have to just wait and see how this goes.
If anyone wants more details please PM me. The books I read are:
"Dare to Confront" by Bob Wright
"How To Stop The One You Love From Drinking: I Know Because Intervention Worked For Me" by Mary Ellen Pinkham (yes the same Mary Ellen who gives all the helpful hints).
"I'll Quit Tomorrow" by Vernon E. Johnson
Rita
While at the local library searching for books on alcoholism, I came across two books which dealt with Interventions. The common thread was that we should NOT wait for the alcoholic to hit bottom because some never bounce back up. Also by the time they hit bottom (if they ever do) their organs could quite possibly be damaged beyond repair. I read these books from cover to cover and couldn't get the idea out of my head.
My ABF is the kind of drunk who will drink every night until he passes out, then will wake up and have a couple more beer. He is defensive and defiant saying he will NOT be controlled (of course the booze isn't controlling him lol) and will drink whenever he wants. He is 53 years old and has probably been drinking heavily for 40 years. If I had never seen him try to cut back on his own I would have believed all his bravado. However he was giving out little hints that he wasn't happy with his life and often felt regret the next day. He said he left me to do what he wanted then realized that he didn't want what he was doing.
He has been working in our building as a custodian and many days he was holed up in his apartment, hungover, and didn't clean the building. Our property managers who are also friends of ours noticed that he often smelled of beer in the mornings. Tenants began to complain. They were ready to fire him until I mentioned that I had been thinking of an Intervention. They were sick and tired of his shoddy work and I was sick and tired of his choice of companions while drunk. Without much hope we began planning.
We held the Intervention on Nov 23 and with the help of an addictions counsellor, 4 of us read pre-written letters to him. The letters all started out with the positive things we see in him then went right to his actions while drunk and how they made us feel. I left my letter to last. I started reading and got all choked up with the first sentence. He got up and left, going outside for a smoke with his boss. He later told me that he was ready to break down when I started talking and he needed to compose himself. I was surprised that he came back in but I finished my letter and asked him if he was ready to go for help that day. He had too many things to get in place first (legitimate) but he agreed to go when he got his appointments in order and I drove him to rehab this morning with 10 days of sobriety behind him.
I am still floored with his reaction because I expected him to tell all of us to shove it and he would stop when he was ready. I guess he was ready. The night of the Intervention he made phone calls...to his 30 year old long lost daughter, his sister who he has seen once in maybe 15 years, his best friend who he talks to occasionally and another long time friend. He told all of them that he was changing his life around and going to rehab. He seemed proud of the fact that he was important enough to a few people to have an Intervention done on him. Go figure! The kicker is that we never got to give him our bottom lines. His boss didn't threaten to fire him and I never told him I was done with him if he didn't get help. He agreed to go on his own without any threats on our part.
Hopefully he will be successful but I am cautiously optimistic. I know that slips are common but I have to just wait and see how this goes.
If anyone wants more details please PM me. The books I read are:
"Dare to Confront" by Bob Wright
"How To Stop The One You Love From Drinking: I Know Because Intervention Worked For Me" by Mary Ellen Pinkham (yes the same Mary Ellen who gives all the helpful hints).
"I'll Quit Tomorrow" by Vernon E. Johnson
Rita
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Rita)),
Hope that your AH will do well in rehab - but most of all hope that you will continue your path of recovery & do the things you need to so that you can take care of YOU!! - You deserve it!!
Learning to live Happy, Joyous & Free, One day at a time,
Rita
Hope that your AH will do well in rehab - but most of all hope that you will continue your path of recovery & do the things you need to so that you can take care of YOU!! - You deserve it!!
Learning to live Happy, Joyous & Free, One day at a time,
Rita
ritabee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 45
Thanks for all the support. I was pretty much a basket case before the Intervention but it was something that needed to be done. There was nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I am going to the same rehab on Jan 7th for a 6 day codependent's program. The best part of all of this is both our programs are totally free...paid for by the Government of Ontario. During all this I stopped going to Alanon because I felt like a hypocrite. Now I can step back and let him handle his own recovery. All I can do is support him.
Rita
I am going to the same rehab on Jan 7th for a 6 day codependent's program. The best part of all of this is both our programs are totally free...paid for by the Government of Ontario. During all this I stopped going to Alanon because I felt like a hypocrite. Now I can step back and let him handle his own recovery. All I can do is support him.
Rita
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