I Want To Disappear

Old 12-04-2006, 06:09 AM
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I Want To Disappear

Well, my AD is still AWOL. However, I am hearing from her friends how she misses me and needs her mother. On the other side I am receiving calls from the Army looking for her. My feelings are being pulled in so many directions. I know I need to detach from her until she gets her life together, but on the other hand I am not sure how much I should tell the Army, do I give them her phone number, her boyfriends number. I just want to disappear and not be apart of this whole mess. Do I want to be the one who sends her to jail for dessertion? Just when I think I have my life together and moving on something pops into my life.
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Old 12-04-2006, 08:32 AM
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*hugs*

That has got to be really hard and to be completely honest I dont know what I would do....

One thing that helps me though when Im in situations like that and Im feeling really uncomfortable is nothing..... I do nothing. You can detach in that method. Not be involved in any way including not helping the Army with information and not helping her.... No contact with her would be a way of disappearing from that chaos until she gets her life together.

Just some thoughts.... but it would be a really hard place to be and my prayers are going out to you.
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Old 12-04-2006, 08:41 AM
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I ditto cynay-(((lavern))). Irsh
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Old 12-04-2006, 09:09 AM
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I do think if the Army is asking questions I would talk to an attorney. See if you can be held responsible even if you were just a friend that knew her whereabouts.

Maybe they the Army might find her mentally ill and give her a medical discharge?? Has she ever had to have anti-depresants, etc.?

I am just makeing suggestions, I do not know the laws etc.

((HUGS)) has to be sooo hard.
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Old 12-04-2006, 09:34 AM
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Ditto to all of the above. and hugs and prayers to you.
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Old 12-04-2006, 09:57 AM
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She has never been on Anti-depressants. I do think could get a medical discharge but that would involve going back and she will not do that.

I just received an email from her. It is cold here and she is pretending to be coming to town, she wants me to take her winter clothes to her boyfriends house 30 miles away. She has been in town for a month now. The lies just never stop.

Again, I am not a mean person, the last thing I want is for my daughter to be freezing but if I do this it is just the beginning
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Old 12-04-2006, 10:24 AM
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i was thinking same as zoey - you might want to contact an attorney for advice on how to handle the army's inquiries. if you have to tell them, would jail really be the worst thing that could happen to her? i know it would be hard to turn her in though..

sounds like you aren't taking the clothes - seems like a good choice to me.

sorry it's not getting easier, blessings - k
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Old 12-11-2006, 05:41 AM
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She Got Her Clothes

My AD managed to manipulate me into having my husband take her clothes down to her. Last week she emailed me for her clothes, pretending to still be in the Army. I just ignored her requests and went on with my day to day life. I received a really hateful letter on Friday night, she was probably drunk, I just ignored it. She was asking me for once in my life to "be a normal human being" and give her the clothes. Since I ignored it she then got my ex-husband involved, someone who was physically and mentally abusive to me. He emails me to do the right thing. I emailed him back and told him the story and that she was not home on Christmas Exodus(military leave), she was AWOL. My now husband, sweetest person I ever met, told me to get the clothes together and he would drive them down there. He knew I did not want my Ex in my life any way or form. He said when he dropped the clothes off, that the house had beer cans and trash everywhere, she did not come outside. She then emailed me to say she wished me the best and she missed me and loved me. I am just not sure what to do, do I answer the email and let her know I am here if she decides to get her life together, do I ignore it? I love her with all my heart but way she can manipulate me is driving me crazy. We are suppose to leave for a mini vacation on Friday, I want to be in a good mood and have a good time, my husband deserves it, he has been so understanding through out all this.
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Old 12-11-2006, 07:44 AM
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Lavern - Hi hun...my daughter went AWOL from the Army last April and I wouldn't allow her to come home either...for 2 weeks until she agreed to call GI Rights.... they helped my daughtter tremendously..told her when to turn herself in...timing is the important key here...and it makes a difference if the local law enforcement hunts her down or she goes in voluntarily at 2 locations - I took mine to Ft Knox....and she was not put in the brig because she turned herself in...she was allowed to go to barracks and she was released in 72 hrs.....instead of 6 months... have her call GI RIGHTS ok.

Janit
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Old 12-11-2006, 07:48 AM
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Thanks so much, it is so good to hear from someone who has been through this. How did you get her to turn herself in? I cannot get her sober enough to even talk about it. I try to tell her the consequences. Did you daughter get discharged or stay in the Army?

I guess I could email her and tell her I will be there if she ever wants to make things right.
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Old 12-11-2006, 08:55 AM
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thinking about you, lavern. blessings - k
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Old 12-11-2006, 09:03 AM
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I don't have much advice, I just wanted you to know I feel for you. What a difficult situation. It seems to me that all you can do is give her the GI Rights number and ignore anymore requests for anything. She's an adult and you can't get in any trouble on her behalf, especially if she won't help herself. I can understand your not wanting to be involved in her apprehension, but don't get involved in her crime either.

What a shame. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's more pain than a parent can take.
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Old 12-11-2006, 02:40 PM
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Lavern - I gave her a very real ultimatum - which we all know that that is the only thing wayward daughters listen to.....lol I told her either she listens to her mother and listen good or I would hunt her down and help the Army find her...basically I told her - "You can run but you cant hide...at least not from me... I will find you....and the Army will only get what is left of you cuz I will kick your a$$ for putting me through all this hell". In other words I had to put the fear of God into her. Once I had her attention...I told her this is what she is going to do and she had NO CHOICES - I was pulling rank....the kind only a mother has. Then we called G I Rights. If you need me feel free to email me personally hun. janitw2002******.com

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Old 12-11-2006, 02:47 PM
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Lavern - I'm sorry I didn't answer your question cuz my blood pressure shot up just talking about it....LOL

No she opted to remove herself from the Army...they release her on the following Friday - so she went into Ft.Knox on Tues and I picked her back up on Friday. So 3 days and they discharged her with no consequences...but I have to ask you an important question? Was your daughter completely through with basic and into or finished with her AIT training? This will make a difference as far as her consequences.....think carefully as it is very important. Let me know ok.
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Old 12-11-2006, 03:14 PM
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By the way Lavern - my daughter is 22 and she was afraid too. Sometimes no matter how old our children are we still have to parent them...and ya know what? They need us to. Alcoholic or not they are still our kids...and they need and want us to tell them what to do and yes ..... even help them do it. This is an area that I chose to intervene with because the ramifications I felt are toooo detrimental to leave her to her own demise.... talk to me girlfriend......

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Old 12-11-2006, 03:56 PM
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I can't say what I would do or how I would feel in your situation because I have not been there. My daughter is not an adult yet. She's 14. It must be agonizing to be in the position you are in.

I will say, though, that one of the things I have learned over the past year is that trying to prevent an alcoholic from experiencing the consequences of their actions does them no good. It also made me crazy in the process. The more I tried to "help" my husband, the longer I prevented him from helping himself. When I finally let go, he helped himself. I know that it doesn't always go that way, but as long as they have someone to land on, they never hit bottom.

JMHO,

L
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Old 12-12-2006, 05:42 AM
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I emailed my AD yesterday and I told her about JanitW and her daughter, I reassured her that I am here to go with her if that is what she wants, I told her I pray daily that she does what is right. She has not responded and probably won't. In previous emails she says she misses me but I think she wants me on her terms. I am so let down that she did this to her family, her country and her God.

JanitW - You have no idea how much help you have been. I sent you a PM.
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