Oh Dear.
been searching for the dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Oh Dear.
Oh dear, l lost it. Totally lost it.. crying crying and still crying as I type. If you read other thread you'll know the background but the reality of the upset is really the acceptance of the way life is rather than how I want it to be. I got into the car to go to eat with AH and lost it crying uncontrollably now for about an hour I can't stop well ok 45 minutes. I felt like I was going to throw up. I really hate this and I hate that so many times in my life the disappointment has been more than I can take. I feel like I make a step and now back 3. I am sorry to post such uncontrollable emotions. I will calm down I need to go lie down. I just wish I could stop wailing. Just needed to tell my friends. i think you are all so great .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Oh, Irsh, I am so sorry you are hurting! I've lost my fair share of tears into the keyboard too...
You know, I used to try to out-manipulate AH when we would be out at dinner. He would stumble off to the restroom and would tell me to order him another drink while he was gone. Of course I didn't, but it gets trickier when he gets back. See, he asked if I had ordered it, so I would play along and say I had. I was trying to buy time til we could vamoose. Sometimes it worked...sometimes it didn't. I'm guessing the coffee thing is kind of like this, right? I get where you are coming from...I started to realize that I felt yucky when I was having to worry about regulating someone else's behavior, knowing that it didn't have to be that way. It's no fun.
(((Irsh)))
You know, I used to try to out-manipulate AH when we would be out at dinner. He would stumble off to the restroom and would tell me to order him another drink while he was gone. Of course I didn't, but it gets trickier when he gets back. See, he asked if I had ordered it, so I would play along and say I had. I was trying to buy time til we could vamoose. Sometimes it worked...sometimes it didn't. I'm guessing the coffee thing is kind of like this, right? I get where you are coming from...I started to realize that I felt yucky when I was having to worry about regulating someone else's behavior, knowing that it didn't have to be that way. It's no fun.
(((Irsh)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Looking back that happened to me too. Now looking back it was some kind of purge of toxins. It was something that needed to happen as if it were all the tears I'd ever held in, all the insults he'd said to me, every can of beer and every line of cocaine I had tolerated. I had to detox it all from my system too. Since I lived with him, I lived with every vice he had. Your eyes will puff shut, your nose will be so sore you can't even blow it, your head will pound and you will fall into a deep sleep. You literally feel like every fiber of your being is spent. You will wake up to Day 1. Somehow after that purge, things are different.
been searching for the dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
I think I have the purge hangover mallow. Yes eyes puffed shut I look like he** and I am at work as I type. Crying stopped. Thank god. I thought I was having a breakdown. You are all so right. I want to thank you for the responses that I was able to wake up to today. At 7:20 at work. (((((())))))s to all. P.S. Mallow i think you are right about it being the purge of it all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Glad your feeling better today hon....
It suprises me sometimes how fast and hard the emotions can come.... I still have times that it hits me like a tital wave.
Not to worry you will be just fine, let it all go and get it out of your system.
It suprises me sometimes how fast and hard the emotions can come.... I still have times that it hits me like a tital wave.
Not to worry you will be just fine, let it all go and get it out of your system.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 371
I know how you feel Irish... been doing the same thing all weekend. It's very difficult b/c then my mom tends to start feeling sorry for AH and making excuses and trying to make light of the issues we've had...
I'm sorry... wish I knew something that could make us all feel better.
I'm sorry... wish I knew something that could make us all feel better.
been searching for the dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Thanks guys. Thought I was going to have to leave work for the first hour today but feeling a little better. Ayers, my mom does that too. She is toxic too. So there you go. I always call AH in the morning to say hi got to work blah blah, but i can't today and he called and texted but I can't. I know that I am powerless. I know that it won't help me to play the blame game. I know this but I have such a bruised achy feeling inside that I can't let go of at the moment. I am praying for a lift. Definitely cynay the tidal wave hit. YUCK. thanks again all I really am glad you are all here. Irsh hugs...
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