DESIGNER

Finally the other night-my exabf and I met and exchanged the last of our belongings. We have been broken up for about 3 months or so and everytime that I talked to him before i would end up breaking down and bawling my eyes out telling him that I still cared for him and I wanted to do everything in my power to make things right between us. He has been telling me left and right that he still cares for me and loves me but that he is doing so much better now that we are not together. He says that he is still drinking but that it is under control and he is not drinking like he was when we were together. Well stupid me thinks- if he is doing so much better than why are we not back together(wasn't that the point of seperating).

Well i finally had had enough of his calling and his stringing me along and I decided that enough is enough that i wanted my things back. I have been saying that this is the only thing that is going to help me move on and he has been avoiding doing this for so long. Well the other day i called him and told him that I deserved some respect and that I wanted to get on with my life. Well when we met the other night I know that he expected me to be all crying and sad but I was anything but that. He pulled into the parking lot and we both got out of our cars and he started saying that he does not have the words to express how sorry he is for the hell he put me through for the past year.( I have heard plenty of sorry's-actions for me right now speak louder that words) I did not look at him at all and I was like Ok- well here are your things( not mean but right to the point). We talked a little about our apartment and I said goodbye( no hugs or tears). I said goodbye and I drove away. I think that i shocked him a little. He was expecting a totally different scene but at that moment I felt that I needed to have control over the situation. It was very hard because honestly all I wanted to do was run up and hug him and of course convince him that he needed to get his life together and that I wanted to be by his side to help him be the man I know that he can be( codependant behavior-ya think????). While waiting for him though I realized that he is nowhere near that point and that I need someone in my life that is going to love and respect me!!! I am a good person and I deserve respect and if he does not see that in me and treasure that-well his loss. He lost a good girl the other night but I finally think that I am ready to move on with my life. I am sad for the loss of a good friend and sometimes wonderful boyfriend but I need to say goodbye for my sake. I think that the only way that I would be willing to accept his apology(if I ever talk to him again) in the future is if he is in treatment working on his problem. He may say that he no longer has a problem but the hell that he has put me and his family through should be enough for a person to want to never touch the stuff again. I wish that were the case but it is now no longer my problem!!!!!!

embraced2000

great job designer!!!!!!

doesn't it feel great to re-claim our own power???? i understand how hard it is....truly, i do. you have begun your journey to recovery.......congratulations!!!!!

luv to you
jeri

Cynay

*hugs*

I know how hard that must have been but you are right. You deserve better and who knows if/when he will ever be up to the challenge of a mature relationship. You can still love, just do it from a distance and start the healing process.

denny57

Good for you, Designer!

I had one of those meetings, too. Gave AH a suitcase full of some of his stuff. Then he says "we need to be strong." I'm like WTF? I'm fine.

I heard this, too. The answer, of course, is the drinking is the same, if not worse. Probably believes what he is saying, but it's denial. The addiction needs to be fed and it will do whatever it has to.

The more distance I have put on this, the more clearly I can see the manipulation. Life does get better. Good luck!